And so begins a new day

[tetur]

I spent a "last night" with my ex last night. It was just sleeping and a little cuddling nothing more.

 

I told myself I wanted it so I could cherish those last moments, those last embraces instead of taking them for granted as we often do in relationships. But I woke up in the middle of the night so angry. Angry because I kept thinking, despite the fact that he chose to be there with me, that he was probably thinking he'd rather be sleeping next to someone else - the new girl he's been becoming involved with to be specific. I almost got up and left but I didn't. I decided I'd wanted this night I was going to see it through.

 

Needless to say the night was not what I'd hoped for - and considering my expectations were not high to begin with , that's pretty bad.

 

Anyway, when my alarm went off I woke him, told him I loved him, kissed him softly on the lips and left.

 

I'm still angry that he's throwing away what we once had over a girl he's never even met in person. And he thinks that nothing will change in terms of our friendship. He thinks we'll still hang out and do things together like we've been doing for a while. We just won't be sleeping in the same bed / house.

 

But guess what - it *is* going to change. 1) the new girl is not going to like him spending time with his ex as a friend as much as he thinks she will be fine with it. 2) I am NOT going to be his back up. I would love to stay friends with him but I am not going to jump when he says he has free time and wants to hang out. I don't care how bad I may want to see him and I don't care how hard it will be to tell him no. It's not going to happen! 3) We have always had a closeness that he doesn't understand will be gone.

 

And so today I move on and I move forward.

I will see him off and on the next couple of days but I plan on that being only as much as has to be done.

He then leaves for 3 weeks on business. I plan LC with him during that time. 99% of contact is going to have to come from him. The 1% from me will be to update him on his dog (because I'm too nice and am taking care of his dog while he's away) That's it.

 

Maybe he'll realize what he's lost.

 

(lets hope I continue to feel this way)

[Caterina]

Personally, this guy doesn't deserve your company? He wants his cake and to eat it to and then vomit it all over your dignity.

[brian123]

Last nights are never really a good idea.

 

You sound like you are doing well. Stay with us here and keep us up to date!

[george237]

This guy's a jerk. Who breaks up with somebody for an internet friend. He doesn't even know what she really looks like. She could be sending him pictures of her friends for all he knows. I hope she is fat and has a hairy back. It sounded like he had something great with you and he threw it away. Now you have to let it go and tell yourself it is his loss.

[lillie]

Wow!! What more could a man want in a partner???

 

Very sad for the both of you that he's so ignorant..

 

With an attitude like that,you seem to me to be a woman who deserves the best & the best deserve you!

 

I hope you find one another....

[lostandhurt]

I hope you keep that feeling a long time until he is out of your life.

 

george "I hope she is fat and has a hairy back." LOL I like that. Wouldn't that be poetic justice.

[tazthecat]

I had a "last night" with my ex,about 7 months ago..It was one of the best times with her, in a strange way..Knowing that she would never be in my arms again, and that some douche bag would be having her in his arms within a few days..

It was nice, because it proved to myself, that I can love someone with all my heart...And then let them go.

[CallingAllAngels]

OMG...he's breaking up with you for someone he has never met?

 

I am so sorry. And so will he. When she is not all that he turned out to be.

 

When I read your post, I could feel your pain and suffering. It came through loud and clear.

 

Stay close to this board and keep us posted.

 

We will help you ride out the storm.

 

My best...

 

~Allie

[tetur]

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement! I can't tell you how glad I am I found you guys!

 

I do think I should clarify something, not that it changes things much but still.

He didn't exactly break up with me to be with this other girl. It's complicated but the short version:

I broke up with him in January because he wasn't over his his divorce and it was agreed that we would try again when he was ready. The thing is that nothing changed between us at that point except for our physical relationship. We were always together. Fast forward to March and he moved into my spare room as my roommate. Things became very coupley very fast and the physical aspect of our relationship returned. But we were never "officially" back together.

 

And that brings us to current.

 

It still comes down to the fact that he is throwing away everything we've been building up for the past few months instead of taking that next step with me for someone he's not met in person yet.

 

He says this girl is the answer to his prayers, that she is everything he's ever asked for. Oh and he decided this after talking to her online for less than 2 weeks. *rollseyes*

I can understand becoming emotionally attached somewhat that way but not to the degree he claims to be.

 

Whatever. Like I said his loss.

(I say that and yet it still hurts like hell!)

[lillie]

Well all i can think is that he is delusional. What people are like when flirting on the internet is sometimes completely different to what they are like in real life.

 

PLUS they sometimes dont even resemble any profile pics etc.

 

Sounds like a complete farce to me. If anyone i knew was about to do this i would think they were completely mad & i would tell them so..what they did after that would then be up to them of course..

 

But he might have to eat humble pie in the end. It seems like the perfect premise for being served quite a large portion too.

[Caterina]

Men are rarely able to admit when they aren't over someone. IF they do admit it, they REALLY REALLY aren't over that person. Stay away from guys who confess this...nothing against them, but its definetly not time for them to be in a relationship. KNow this to spare yourself next time.

[EyesOnThePrize]

I was getting involved with someone over the internet before I started dating my ex-wife. I found out by accident that much of what she told me was a lie. We actually did meet up once, and she looked nothing like her profile pics. She couldn't understand why I was upset and didn't want to see her or talk to her again. I couldn't even tell you her name at this point.

 

It almost cost me my wife. My wife and I had also met over the internet and we had met in person and she was who she said she was. She had come out to Las Vegas with a group of people and we hung out all weekend. I was her escort, but planned nothing romantic (I didn't know she was interested in me at the time) and, in fact, had told her earlier that she didn't have to worry about me because there was someone I was seeing (the fake girl). So, about a week after she visited was when we had the big talk that she wanted to get together. I had said something like "If I had known you were interested, I would have made some moves" and she said "I wish you had." I asked her why she didn't say anything and she said "It was because you told me you were seeing someone else." I then told her all about how that other woman had lied to me and was totally out of my life, and our relationship was off and running. Its scary to think, though, that someone's fake internet persona almost cost me the person I love more than anyone I have ever loved.

 

My ex knows her new bf mostly from trade shows and internet chats. That's not seeing a person in real life. He can hide whatever he wants at those things, or he ca "be good" in small doses. I'm fairly certain that reality will be a big smack in the face for her.

[tetur]

Well all i can think is that he is delusional. What people are like when flirting on the internet is sometimes completely different to what they are like in real life.

 

PLUS they sometimes dont even resemble any profile pics etc.

 

It's funny you mention how different people can be in person than how they portray themselve online - or even on the phone.

 

I told him I'd looked at her myspace page and she had changed her profile to say "In a relationship" and asked him if they were officially dating. He looked very shocked about that and said no they were just talking and are meeting for the first time tonight. I realize there's a chance he could be lying but he has always been upfront and honest with me and anytime I did ever doubt him I would later find out I had been wrong.

 

I think it says a lot about who this girl really is if she can't even wait until she meets a guy to see if that chemistry is there in person before she changes her profile - like maybe she's a little too desperate to be in a relationship? maybe.

 

Also I asked him about the fact that he wants kids someday and she has it on her page that she doesn't like or want kids. He said she told him she said she wants kids someday just not right now. Umm... yeah... that's why it's not just in your status but you wrote a whole blog about how you don't want kids ever. Classic case of telling him what he wants to hear.

 

Sadly he is in denial.

 

I realize he's not going to listen to me and what I say regarding this but I did approach it in a very mature way not in a jealous way at all and I think it at least raised a few red flags with him. As much as I am hurting right now, I don't want him to get hurt (yeah there goes me being too nice again. I know! )

 

So anyway... I think even if there is some chemistry when they meet, she will eventually show she is not the person she is portraying herself to be. After our talk last night, I don't think she's the person she's portraying herself to him as.

[orangesoda]

Grab a bag of popcorn and sit back...this is going to be one hell of a trainwreck.

 

I am sorry that he's so deluded that he's casting you aside for this. Some people just get so caught up in this fantasy world they've constructed that no common sense can get in. I'm afraid your ex is in for a very painful lesson.

[tetur]

Just thought I'd give a small update for anyone that might care.

 

I may have said this in an earlier post but I decided I didn't want to know how the date went. Good or bad I didn't care.

 

We spent all day Saturday together and neither of us brought it up but he was being... weird with me. Not weird in a bad way but weird as in touchy feely; doing things like walking up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. He hasn't done that since we were dating. Still, I refused to read anything into it.

 

That night, curiosity got the best of me, I checked her myspace page. Relationship status: single. For some reason I also searched her name on the dating site where they met and she had set up a new account on there.

 

It would be so easy for me to read into all of this, but I'm not. This means nothing in terms of me and him. I'm hoping this at least means he'll have a bit of a clearer mind to think about things while he's away. I'm still keeping LC w him for the next 3 weeks. In fact we haven't had any contact since Saturday night other than a text he sent me when his plane landed - which I didn't respond to.

 

I have also decided that if he does decide he wants to be with me again, after having choosen her, he is going to have to work for it. I will not simply sit back and be a consolation prize. I am noone's consolation prize!!

 

(yeah I'm feeling pretty confident right now. Give me a couple of days it may change!)

 

 

[Caterina]

If you were stronger, you'd use this as an oppurtunity to move on. You'll only recede if you view the separation as temporary.

 

You're like me, and its not good.