Was I Led On?

[Carmine]

A week and a half ago I met a girl at a party. She actually began hanging around and talking to me first, so I got the feeling she was interested in me. We seemed to have a lot in common and have real good chemistry - she was pretty but not beautiful, though something really seemed to click when we looked and smiled at each other. She had to go home and get sleep before work in the morning, so I walked her back to the bus stop. Before she left, we exchanged numbers and shared a kiss.

 

I called her a few days later and we talked for a bit, but I got her at a bad time while she was decorating for an event (but she still answered, after all), so we ended it after a few minutes. I gave it a few more days and called her about a week ago and left a message for her to call me back. She hasn't done so yet.

 

I'm just wondering if this is a hopeless cause now. To any women reading - would you give a guy your number, kiss him, and answer the first time he called you if you weren't that interested? I've never done those things with girls I wasn't that interested in to avoid giving them false hope. I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed about this. This is the first girl in a while that I really started to like and click well with, and I'd like the chance to at least go out on a date with her to see if that chemistry continues.

 

Also, if she's playing waiting games with me, what can I expect and what should I do?

[Batya33]

I don't know that she led you on. People often meet at parties and hook up and it's fun at the moment. It doesn't mean they want to see each other again. I do think it's a bit rude she didn't call you back - are you sure she got the message? - but maybe she met another guy in the meanwhile and changed her mind about you.

[beth116]

I've kissed guys just 'for fun'. Then regretted it later and pretended nothing happened.

Rather than tell them I don't like them, i just kind of become 'aloof' and try to distance myself.

 

I would wait for her to call you, and if she doesn't i'd assume she wasn't serious. It's an open and shut case really.

[Carmine]

Thing is, it didn't seem like a one-time hookup at all. She only gave me a short goodbye kiss and told me to call her over the weekend; it's not like we made out at the party or anything.

 

Not sure that she got my message (I'm not too keen on leaving voice mail myself, since my phone usually doesn't tell me I have them until weeks later).

 

I should also mention that we met through a mutual friend, who was somewhat encouraging me to do something with her from the beginning. I could always ask the friend what's up with this girl.

[CallingAllAngels]

Well, how old is she?

 

When I was younger, say in my 20's and if I was tipsy I would do stuff like this, yeah, because like the above poster said, you're caught up in the moment. And, maybe she does like you.

 

But, I'm older now, and a lot wiser. I would NEVER kiss a guy or give out my number if I was not interested. Period. I don't play games, but I am of the "over 35 crowd" so I don't know if I'm of much help to you...

 

~Allie

[Batya33]

Same answer. At the time she liked you and was having fun. She could have met someone else the very next day and took your call because she was interested in both of you. Or, after the brief convo with you she could have realized you had little in common. Anything can happen that doesn't mean she led you on. In the early stages of dating, people often change their minds about compatibility or interest.

[Carmine]

We're both in our late teens, early 20's.

 

I totally understand how fast interest can shift. Believe me, I have the most far-fetched stories about how girls were all over me one day and told me they wanted to date me (sober too), and then avoided me afterwards when I did NOTHING wrong. This is the first time a girl has ever kissed me, answered my call, and then done nothing afterwards. It's just don't get why she can like me enough to kiss me and answer my call a few days later, but not enough to go on a single date to see if we have any more potential. Fine, her interest could've backed down a bit in the aftermath of when we first met, but she's gotta see something in me, enough to want to see me again to find out if I have anything more.

 

It just gets frustrating sometimes, you know? I've been meeting a lot more girls recently, but this was the first one that really stood out, and the first one that seemed like there might've been something there for both of us.

[CallingAllAngels]

^This is why dating sucks man...sorry. I have no answers for you.

[Batya33]

But I don't see why you would think you did anything wrong. Interest changes, people meet new people, get busy doing other things other than dating, etc. Maybe since she only met you once and had one brief convo with you she'd prefer not to answer your call than to call and waste your time with the whole "it's not you it's me" story.

 

And yes I've been on the other, head scratching side of this.

[ghost69]

it sucks but it happens. i don't care who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, etc. people just change their minds. at the time it's fun and exciting to meet someone new, exchange numbers and all that. but sometimes they just do it to do it. i've done it.

[Raize]

Sometimes people think that someone is "their type" at first, but come to realise that is probably not the case and they may take the cowards option of just backing right out without any explanation.

 

I know this because I was such a perpetrator about a year back now.

 

I led this Girl on, but it was seriously unintended. The thing was, I thought I was really into Her at first, but by the time I realised She wasn't quite for me, it was too late - She was constantly letting me know how much She wanted to see me next and constantly complimenting me with numerous phone texts that She kept sending.

 

Instead of telling Her straight out I no longer thought we should intend on pursuing anything as I should have, I simply just ignored Her. I didn't have much oppurtunity to catch up with Her in person at that particular time, and I didn't want to 'reject' Her over the phone as it seemed like a cold, cowardly thing. In reality my simply ignoring Her with no explanation was actually a lot worse a thing to do.

 

I still feel pretty damn guilty about it now.

 

Anyway, I'm not saying this is the exact case in your situation with this Girl but it's a possible theory.

[Carmine]

Yeah, it sucks, but oh well. Maybe I'll meet someone new this weekend, now that I have a chance to go out again.