I met someone today who really liked me...

[fivespot]

It was actually the first time since my breakup that I've met a girl where we really hit it off. She was great...she seemed to share many of the same interests as me. We even have the same favorite TV show.

 

I think she's totally interested in dating me...she kind of hinted at it.

 

But truthfully, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex while I was talking to this girl. I know better than to talk to her about my ex, but believe me, I would have brought her up if she would have asked me about my love life.

 

And even though I think she'd be the perfect girl for me, I can't help but feel ABSOLUTELY depressed! Meeting this new girl showed me what "moving on" actually means. It depressed me because I realized that if I dated this girl, then the door with my ex is shut forever.

 

Worse still, it made me think about all the different guys my ex has probably met and is dating by now. I guess this is all part of the human experience, but I'm so upset right now.

 

I can't date this girl. I'm not ready. It isn't fair to her since I'm truly emotionally unavailable.

 

But I'm depressed because I miss my ex, most of all. But I also am upset because if I had my head on straight, this girl might have been perfect.

[orangesoda]

I think you should go for it. Just take things slowly. Let things grow and develop at their own pace, don't force anything.

 

One of the key steps in moving on is just this: meeting new people and taking a chance.

 

You can't pine over your ex for the rest of your life. It's unhealthy to pass up opportunities for the sake of someone who's no longer in your life.

[Censored]

Hi fivespot, i was wondering if you were going to realise what this meant. And well you did:

 

It depressed me because I realized that if I dated this girl, then the door with my ex is shut forever.

 

It seems as though you are still holding out, against the odds and logic, that there may still be a chance for you and your ex.

I know exactly how this feels, and it is a tough one to let go.

In-fact for me, this "finality" of dating someone new was probably the last remaining issue that i had when it came to moving on from my ex.

 

Even now, i still have some fantastical ideas floating around in my head. They come and go, and i have accepted that they will always be there. But i have also accepted that they cannot, and should not, hold me back from moving forwards.

 

Don't let "fantasy" from the past stop you from pursuing reality in the future.

[EyesOnThePrize]

fivespot - Kudos for recognizing that about yourself. If she pushes dating, I think it might behoove you to be honest with her about where you stand and let her know you're doing it so that you aren't likely to hurt her. I suspect she may really respect that. I don't know if it means she'd wait around for you to be ready, but I think she'd respect you.

 

Just my thoughts.

[Taylor527]

Go for it!! But I would explain to her that you want to take things slowly because you did just get out of a relationship that meant alot to you and you are still pretty fragile. See what she says!! Don't pass up a chance to be happy because you are living in the past. You and your ex are NOT together, so take the next step in your life and move on... Don't look back - look forward! Did you get this girls number?

[hers]

That is amazing that you can recognize this about yourself. It's not often when someone recognizes that they aren't ready for a relationship and thereforeeee considers the other person's feelings before jumping into something. I commend you for that.

 

With that said, though, you seem to be much more mature than the situation is letting on. I think you should continue to have contact with this new girl, but like others have said, go slooooow. If you have to, let on to the fact (but spare her the details) that you are healing from a breakup (or just out of a relationship) and that you want to take things slowly, maybe build a friendship first and then take it from there. If you have to, tell her you want to make sure you're completely emotionally available before you get back into anything.

 

Good luck with it; I think you should go for it.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

I think that if you're still not over your ex . . . then I dunno . . . I personally don't think you should date. I've seen this happen with people I know. All they do is compare the new person to their ex, and never seem to like someone enough in order to date them.

 

I say follow your feelings. This girl might look good "on paper," but is she good for YOU? Will bringing her into her life be a good thing for you?

[fivespot]

Well, thanks everybody for the support. Honestly, I think you guys are giving me waaay too much credit, though!

 

It's such a horrible feeling...I'm excited that someone actually is taking an interest in me, but at the same time I'm so depressed ](*,)

 

I don't know what's going to happen. She's going to call me on the weekend.

 

I'm not going to scare her off, but I'm not going to string her along, either. Let's see where a friendship can go, first.

 

But you guys are totally right about jumping in too fast. I know this because in a way, my ex sort of jumped in with me right after her previous breakup. Some said I was her rebound. But I didn't see it like that since we knew each other 5 years prior to going out. I was more likely her familiar, loving shoulder to cry on.

 

Not sure if that's any better, but I know how horrible it can be to string someone along when your heart isn't in it. And that's why I won't do that in this case.

 

I just found it funny. My ex was my first relationship and my first true love. And everyone--from my friends to my familiy told me to go out, make new friends, and date new people.

 

And yet, when the opportunity finally arises, I find myself even more depressed now than when I had no prospects at all!

[hers]

I'm sort of in the same boat. I know I need to go out there and start dating again so I can get over my ex, but at the same time, I'm not emotionally ready to date someone else and to give them as much of myself as I can. I always tend to jump from relationship to relationship and I always end up hurting someone, so yes, you're right in what you're saying aboutyourself. But like I said, you seem to be much more mature than the situation itself, so you may want to just see where it goes but very slowly!!

[kuiks8]

I think it takes maturity, empathy and strength to realize what you did and to take the path you did. You chose to spare yourself and the girl unnecessary pain and i think that is very admirable...

You will get there...you will eventually come to a place where you are able to give of yourself in a relationship and until that point in time you can be proud of your integrity...

Kudos from me to you!

[nickbroken]

Eh 5spot I was in the same spot, this girl I was talking to was gorgeous, a musician, artist, smart, intelligent great conversation, and she was completely smitten with me...but it's just too soon for me...I had to push it away because I am not ready. You have to do what is best for you....it gave me hope I can get an attractive female that is what I want in a woman....I know I can do that......and one day I will be ready for it....I could date I think...but not a serious relationship....which is what that would have been.

[SingleStar]

someone did that to me...so be careful

 

dont give false signals

 

a guy came on to me.... all the right words telling me everything i wanted to hear.. and then suddenly he was gone. somthing i think was due to his recovery from his ex even though it was 8 months ago.