I woke up & after all his indecision, I don't want him!

[havefaith]

Has anyone had this experience??

 

I have been in this relationship for three years. Two great years, one not so great. I gave him so many opportunities to treat me right, made excuses up and down for him. Truth of the matter is he has not made enough time for me. He never goes out of his way for me... he acts bipolar, I swear... super in love one minute, too busy for me the next.

 

I believe he has changed. We are 20 and when we met at 17 he was amazingly fun loving... now he is all about school and stress and yeah it's great he is getting a 4.0 at one of the hardest universities in the U.S. but all of a sudden I just don't recognize him. He wants to take a break from our relationship because he "isn't sure about his future."

 

There is another guy who unfortunately lives on the same floor and runs with the same crowd as my BF. The two of them aren't super close, but still. I am close with all of them but something has been brewing between us. This guy just makes me happy, he will come to me wherever I am and just sit with me when I'm stressed, pretend he has homework to do just so he can be there, trying to arrange ways to see me, etc.

 

It's like this new helped me see, and one morning it just hit me: I deserve better. I'll say it again, I deserve better! I deserve better than him being wonderful sometimes and then off the next second. I deserve someone fun loving who will bring me UP, not DOWN. I don't care that it's been 3 years.

 

The 3 yr guy and I are kind of dating until summer begins (its just a couple weeks) kind of because I thought we still loved each other and the intention was to go our separate ways this summer and hopefully get back together later. His stupid idea. We are allowed to see other people and I just want to be like congratulations you got your freakin' wish. It's like he calls me now and I don't even want to talk, this just started recently. I used to base my world on his calling me, treating me right, but maybe after all this time, he has taken my love away bit by bit.

 

Has anyone else ever for one minute allowed themselves to feel this way and then all of a sudden have this kind of epiphany? Does it go away? Is my vision being clouded by the flirtations of the new guy or is this legit?

[Aschleigh]

You've grown apart. It happens. Date this new guy and see what happens with him.

Be open to a lot of different experiences, it will only enrich your life and your relationships in the long run.

[JadedStar]

Yes that can be a very difficult position to be in. HOpefully you will break this relationship cleanly now that you have reached this decision? As in just no more dating at all and break it off for good?

[Mlost]

I think it can easily be legit. I had a similar experience about a week or two after my wife filed for divorce. I was beating myself up day in and day out until I woke up and realized I had made a mistake and she didn't treat me right and I've been thanking God ever since that she broke it off b/c I was too emotionally wrapped up to do it myself.

 

If you feel this way, then go and be happy.

[Taylor527]

Yep, that is something that happens alot to young couples.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together since I was 17 and he was 18. We, thankfully, grew together as individuals and a couple.

 

But sometimes it doesn't work like that.

 

Best of luck to you on your new life, I'm sure you will find out you are better off!

[just M.E.]

You have grown apart but you have also grown up. Congratulations for realizing he is not what you want if he does not treat you well.

 

We all desereve a person in our life who will treat us with kindness and respect.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Actually, you are lucky if you've already agreed to take a break for summer... Go ahead and have fun with the new guy, and if your boyfriend re-appears, you can just tell him you've thought about it and the 'break' is permanent.

[Aviatormy]

I dont particulary care for country but your story reminds me of this song....

 

Just the other night a hometown football game

My wife and I ran into my old high school flame

And as I introduced them the past came back to me

And I couldnt help but think of the way things used to be.

 

She was the one that Id wanted for all times

And each night Id spend prayin that God would make her mine

And if hed only grant me this wish I wished back then

Id never ask for anything again.

 

(chorus)

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when youre talkin to the man upstairs

That just because he doesnt answer doesnt mean he dont care

Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

 

She wasnt quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams

And I could tell that time had changed me

Inn her eyes too it seemed

We tried to talk about the old days

There wasnt much we could recall

I guess the lord knows what hes doin after all.

 

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife

And then and there I thankedd the good lord

For the gifts in my life.

 

*chorus*

Some of gods greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...

Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

[jraf]

... he acts bipolar, I swear... super in love one minute, too busy for me the next.

 

his actions may have been real, but they aren't symptoms of bi-polar disorder.

clarification only

no responses required

[RayKay]

It's probably a combination of the new guy being there, as well as probably comparing the new guy to your "bf", as well as just plain fed up with being dragged along.

 

I would advise against jumping into anything serious with this "new guy" if you want to give it a fair shot though to avoid rebounding (and frankly after a three year relationship you need some YOU time first).

 

But I certainly I DO suggest ending it with this other guy.

 

To me it sounds like a breakup anyway with just an "option to get back together if he does not find anyone else" and that is a pretty crappy option in my opinion! If things work out in the future, then what the hell, it does. But this "together for two more weeks, then break for summer to date others, then decide" is just rather immature and game-ish. Bleh.

 

I am not saying breaks are not always bad, sometimes they really help you both recharge. But breaks with "dating others" tend to just turn into breakups, and this seems more on his terms than a mutual agreement. I mean really, if it has been that crappy for a year anyway, dating other people is NOT going to solve that!

[havefaith]

Thanks everyone for the speedy responses.

 

I guess I just need to slow down and see what happens. Of course I still care for him but taking a step back really made me see just how much I have put up with, how many excuses I have made... it really was a lot of work punctuated by fun times... it should definitely be the other way around.

 

Jaded, I don't know what to do. We only have about 2 weeks left until summer and we are from the same hometown accross the country and have already arranged to drive back together. Also our lives are very tied here, I don't really want to disrupt anything, I just don't know how to proceed. I do still have feelings for him and we have fun together ... I guess I go back and forth. If he comes back with CONSISTENCY and treats me well CONSISTENTLY, that would be a different story.

 

I guess it's wait & see. Maybe we have grown apart, maybe he just needs a reality check because our relationship used to be so soild.

 

As for the other guy, what am I supposed to do about the fact that he is in the same group of guys as my BF? This past weekend we were both quite drunk and admitted we had crushes on each other, but he kept saying he didn't know what to do because my BF is his friend. Any clues on how to proceed? He is always trying to finnagle ways to see me, he makes me feel so good about myself.

 

And avi, thanks for the lyrics. This really is an unanswered prayer gone right. Who knows, maybe we'll meet again down the road... but as for now, he needs to see I'm not some commodity.

[Daligal83]

I agree with RayKay that you might want to spend some time alone before jumping into another relationship. If you are going to make a decision about whether or not you want to be with your boyfriend, you don't want it to be based on a comparison with another guy. Especially since something new is always exciting. You can't know for sure what it'd be like with him down the line.

 

As far as what to do with the new guy, what would you want your guy to do if it was reversed? Say he had a crush on a casual friend of yours. What would you see as appropriate? If any part of you would have a problem with it, I wouldn't pursue it.