Have I pushed him away??

[Rochelle]

I've been involved w/ my SO for going on 5 mo. now. When I met him I'd gotten out of a year in a half relationship last May. When I began dating, i only wanted to do just that, date. But we had good chemistry. We had fun together.

 

He is great...no baggage, no vices, hard working. We still laugh and joke. Money is a strain. My job shut down in Dec, and I couldn't get work again until Feb. Now I make only a third of what I was making. My mortg. is behind. I'm constantly trying to float bills. Im stressed to say the least.

 

All the while too, the relationship has been getting more comfortable...that is for him. I have been very angry w/ my ex still, I hadn't quite gotten over that and was still dealing w/ those lingering sad/angry feelings when I got involved here. Slowly, the communication between my SO now has not been great. In the beginning he was promising that if I gave him a chance he would try to do everything to make me happy. That he hadn't felt this way about anyone. That he, like me, believed it took the little things to make it work. This was esp important to me as i'd gotten out of a situation w/ someone that was a drug user and did alot of conditional love...ran hot and cold...I was a real mess to say the least.

 

He's been working hard. He just started a new job and has moved over by me. He's uprooted his life and doesn't know anyone locally. I have been on him lately about the romance not being there. He has said that what we have is a "grown up" love and that it takes work. He doesn't seem to feel romance is important. The sex has dwindled down too. I know he wants to do a good job a work. I know he would like to take away or fix my concerns over money. His hands are tied.

 

Last night i brought up the issue again about romance/sex. He said that maybe we pushed too hard to make this relationship work. Perhaps if we had just let things naturally come, then it would be different. He said he is laid back and what i see is what I get. This is the first time he has said this to me and he sounded resolved to whether we move forward or we end things, no emotions. This all really hurt me. I told him that only a few short months ago he said he would work hard to do the little things and agreed w/ me on the importance of romance. Now he doesn't seem to think that. He said that i make him happy and he loves me but that if he doesn't make me happy then I deserve to be w/ someone that does.

 

I'm crushed...I don't know what to do...do I back off...I feel i have lost focus on myself...between getting over the ex and then starting this and then the new job, i have lost focus on working on myself and my issues....I've been picking little fights lately and even I dont' like me lately.

 

Am i pushing him away?? Am i expecting too much from him and bringing the romance issue up too much?? I do love him but I am afraid I will not be able to just relax and I am overwhelmed. Help?

[DN]

Yes, you are expecting too much and yes you are pushing him away.

 

It's not his issue that you are not over your ex and it is not his job to make you feel better about that.

 

His only error was to say he would do anything to make you happy. That was not wise for happiness comes from within ourselves and you are relying on him to do what he cannot.

 

Be careful for you are likely to lose him. Perhaps it is time for you to forget the ex and concentrate your energies on the man you are with now.

[Enigmatika]

He said he is laid back and what i see is what I get.

...= I am perfect as I am, accept me as such or move on...