Am I the crazy one???

[POOH2180]

OKAY MEN PLEASE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND THIS. I AM 24 AND MY HUSBAND A VERY YOUNG 27. HE IS SCARED TO DEATH TO GROW OLD. WE HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS. HE IS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW AND FEELS THE NEED TO ENTERTAIN HIS FRIENDS 24 HRS A DAY. THEY ARE OVER ALL DAY WHILE I WORK AND ALL NIGHT WHILE I SLEEP. HE BARELY COMES TO BED BEFORE 5 IN THE MORNING. WHEN AM I TO HAVE TIME WITH HIM. SINCE HE IS NOT WORKING DURING THE DAY HE SHOULD KEEP OUR KIDS BUT DOES NOT. SO WHILE IM BUSTING MY ASS AT WORK HE IS AT HOME SLEEPING OR PLAYING A VIDEO GAME WITH HIS FRIENDS. ANY ADVICE FOR ME. HE AT LEAST KEEPS THE HOUSE CLEAN. BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE WHEN CAN I BE FIRST.

[CustomX]

maybe he playing the role of a housewife keeps the house clean stays home and takes care of things. but having friends over all night and not going to bed before 5 am is wrong. He needs to stop playing around and start being serious and going to be with you when you do like a husband should do. Talk with him and really let him know whats on your mind.

[vfunkera]

why do you think your the crazy one? Girl its no use coming here and telling us, you already know the answer! you must confront him on his behaviour and commitment to his family! commitment not just to you, but to the kids is obviously not as important as commitment to his friends and some playstation!

 

why are you the one working and hes in the house cleaning? ok maybe im leaning on what society expects of men and women, but doesn't he have to make an effort as well? at least spend time with the kids. and you. you already know all of this, so if you haven't already done so, then you must go and tell him how you feel and the lack of dedication he seems to be giving to his family.

 

if you already have, and he has not changed his ways, then something needs to be done right now. something extreme needs to be done. maybe not a divorce or break up of some sort, but something where he needs to prove his love to you, something that needs to wake him up, because if his ways haven't changed, then i would be seriously doubting his love for his family at the moment. i cant give you an accurate, in depth answer based on what is written, and thats the best answer i can currently give.

 

good luck POOH2180

[sisterlynch]

He needs to work out his dependency issues. His children and you need to come first before his friends feelings and he seems to have this reversed. How can you change this?

 

Make boundaries, he can only see his friends during this many hours per week, or he can only see them one night per week.

 

Yes he is young and wants to act like a 27 yr old, how ever, he made the choice to get married and have kids, his friends haven't made that level of committment. In addition, they are all taking advantage of you and your good will. This will change too.

 

Don't swear or get angry at them, make consequences for their behavior, like if these standards aren't followed, then they can't come over.

 

The hard part will come when your husband starts to sulk. This will occur too, let it. He has to develop a mature attitude toward you and himself and sulking quite frankly is the only way that he can achieve this.

 

So go for it, set the standards, be willing to talk things over with him.

 

Here are two really good books for setting boundaries and standing up for yourself: The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans/ and Bring Back the Man you Fell in Love With , by Carolyn Bushong!!

[routerx]

The fact is, it is time for him to grow up. It's that simple.

 

I wish it were more complex than that, but it's not.

 

He doesn't even hold a job and he has 2 kids? Doesn't he feel guilty?!!!

 

He should.

 

Don't take it easy on him because he won't respect you. Stand up for your kids. They deserve better and so you do.

[sisterlynch]

I think that you need to approach him when the time is right, when he isn't too tired or even ask him when a good time would be to talk to each other about how things are going. I don't think that you should threaten to leave unless you really feel that you'd be better off with out his presense in the lives of the kids. This is up to you and you alone to diside.

 

If he starts to get upset, or you, then the conversation is over. The two of you need to listen patiently while the other is talking, if he can't do that then he needs to learn. If both of you are jumping in and not listening, then have a designated talker who hold something unique in the house that will be the talker's vase or cup or trophee, anything that you can designate as this is the one who is talking, this is the one who is listening.

 

It is a little childish, but it seems reasonable to resort to this if things are getting so far out of hand. If he still doesn't listen to reason, then get some professional help.

[kuhl282000]

You are not the crazy one, Mr. Mom is. Do not go down that road. First off the guy needs to get a job. Second if that was my girl coming to bed at five o'clock she would not be my girl for very long. Home is for a soft place to land after a hard days work. And he should be landing in your arms at a respectable bedtime hour. If you get a chance rent the movir Mr. Mom and show it to him. Otherwise it is kick him to the curb. Those are pretty harsh words but he is disrespeting the relationship and you. He needs to get a grip, and fast.

 

Good Luck

 

Kuhl