It's really over.

[barbielovesmac]

Part of me wanted him to come back. Part of me didn't want him to come back. Part of me thought he would. Part of me knew he wouldn't.

 

He isn't coming back. We're over. We're really over. It's for real this time.

 

I'm moving Wednesday and I am scared as heck. When I move then that means it's real. It means it's really over.

 

Goodbyes are never easy. Leaving is what I NEED to do for myself. But can I bring myself to really do it? Gosh I hope I can do this.

[15 Storeys High]

The fact that you can see that it's over and that you need to move on shows the huge amount of strength you have. It might not feel like you have it but you do. It's pretty evident to me. You're always so quick to put yourself down but you know what? You're actually pretty damn great.

 

Acceptance of something so horrible is a hugely difficult thing to do but you're doing it. So be proud of yourself. Grieve if you need to but know that your life will be improved by this.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Barbie,

 

I admire the strength it took for my ex to actually leave, especially given her lack of self-esteem and fears of abandonment. I'm sure she was overall pretty terrified about the move and regardless of the impact it had on me, I give her credit for getting it done. Our goodbye was very painful for both of us. And yet, for us to move forward to whatever the future holds, we had to do it. I got through partially with the strength of my friends and people here. Best of luck with everything.

[barbielovesmac]

Starting over is so hard to do. Especially at a place where you no not anyone. I know my sister and her little family and that's it.

 

No more familiar faces ... that scares me. No more friends ... that makes me sad. I have a hard time meeting new people and buliding relationships with them.

 

When I leave ... when I get in that car ... we are over ... there is no going back. I don't know if I can do it . . . but I know in the end I will.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Where are you heading, barbie?

[15 Storeys High]

I don't know if I can do it . . . but I know in the end I will.

 

You can do it. Just read that sentence you wrote again. You've already said you can do it. You're just doubting yourself.

[barbielovesmac]

I've never really had to "make friends" i've always lived here and you just know people and they become your friends. All the friends I've made, I've met through other friends. We all sort of just became friends. I'm afraid I won't find that closeness and realness anywhere else.

 

I'm headed to California.

[Daligal83]

barbie, I know how you feel. When I started grad school, I didn't know a soul in the city that I moved to. I was terrified! But it was the most important thing I've ever done for myself. I can really say that I grew as a person.

 

It's OK to be scared. It's natural! I'd be worried if you weren't. Change is terrifying. But pushing yourself through that fear and seeing what you are capable of is the amazing thing. Acknowledge your fear, but also acknowledge your strength. You can do this!

 

Make a list of things you want to do when you get there. Maybe join a gym, sign up for a class, find a favorite restaurant. Create things to get yourself excited about. It'll help.

[Daligal83]

Also, I think you need to prepare yourself that at first, you may spend some weekends home alone. That was the toughest part for me. But if you make sure to get yourself out there and socialize when you are given the opportunity, it won't last long. Plus those nights home alone are a huge part of the growing process, or at least it was for me. It gave me the opportunity to get to know myself and really enjoy my own company. I know it sounds really cheesy, but it's true.

[letteiljmc4ever]

just realize everything happens for a reason. and its good your not in denial. a lot of people in relationships are mostly upset about change ive noticed more than anything. it takes time but youll be happy in the long run. you'll find your special guy

[WaterIsLife]

Yeah, we so often want to stick with what is familiar. The 'unknown' is scary, even if we don't consciously have those thoughts.

 

But you know what? Sometimes we can't see the forest thru the trees either. Even before recent events, I think you knew that this person was bad news.

 

Go see the forest. You'll be glad you did.

 

 

The fact that you can see that it's over and that you need to move on shows the huge amount of strength you have. It might not feel like you have it but you do. It's pretty evident to me. You're always so quick to put yourself down but you know what? You're actually pretty damn great.

 

Acceptance of something so horrible is a hugely difficult thing to do but you're doing it. So be proud of yourself. Grieve if you need to but know that your life will be improved by this.

 

Much better said than my words. eNA is telling me I gotta 'share the love' though....

[hers]

It takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing, Barbie. Good luck. You'll make it.

[wtm78]

i understand... it is scary to start all over again... no one likes changes...

 

friendship can be built... and meanwhile you have us there... this site is not moving...

[JadedStar]

Change can be terrifying but is absolutely critical many times in our lives.

[SapphireNoir10]

The move is the best thing ever. Often i've wished i could leave all the rubbish behind and start again. And your lucky, you have that chance, good luck!

[barbielovesmac]

It's going to be hard.

 

Change is hard. Once I get there and get settled in though, I know I'll be okay.

 

It's just sad that once I go ... this will all be so real. I know this breakup is real ... I just know that once I am really gone that it's really OVER.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Barbie - My ex putting her stuff in the moving truck last week and then driving off was incredibly tough. Even as she was packing, I could tell myself "Well, at least she's still here." And now...I haven't seen her in a week. I haven't not seen her for a week in almost 9 years. For a few days I could tell myself "Well, its just like she's away at a convention." That doesn't apply anymore. She's gone, she's not driving up to the house anytime soon, its real...it sucks, but its real.

 

At the same time, as much as I miss her, as much as I still love her, my stress levels are down without her here, and I can focus more on me and healing than worrying about her all the time.

 

Hang in there.

[Clabs]

Hey Barbie

 

I know that this will be hard, but this change will be so good for you and is exactly what you need. Sometimes moving away is the smack in the face of reality that things really are over and that it is time for a brand new and exciting start.

 

You will soon make new friends where you are going, and don't forget that we will all still be here

 

Good luck hun

 

Mark

[barbielovesmac]

Thank you all so much for your support =]

 

It just hasn't felt real until NOW. It's real and it will be real when I get in that car and drive away.

[SapphireNoir10]

Well, good luck and I wish you all the best You'll have to let us know how the move goes, pretty exciting stuff!

[thejigsup]

Barbie, within a week you will be fine. Welcome to California! You will love it here!