just got off the phone with EX now what??

[phantpwr]

Hey there. Ok so i just got off the phone with my ex. the call was 40mins.. I called.. I had been txt messaging him few days earlier to little response back. I called the same night and no answer on cell.. I txt messaged back saying "call me back if you want... -hugs!" didnt hear.. So i called today. we have been apart for almost 2 1/2 months...

 

the conversation was good, catching up etc.. then I asked if he was seeing anyone he said no.. been too busy etc.. I asked if my pictures were still up in his room he said yea.. ( I found this interesting )

 

I said "well so can we be friends". he said yea" ive never wanted to not be friends." He was giving me space cuase I told him I still was in love with him and talking on the phone brought me back to square one...

 

he broke it off with me.. said "My feelings have changed. I love you but Im not IN love with you anymore" ... that was at the end of sept...

 

After that I was calling to see what page he was on... I would say I Miss you.. he would say "I miss you too.. but I dont know if its you I miss or if its being in a relationship"

I went to see him 3 weeks after we broke up.. we were watching a movie. then when I was saying good bye he kissed me then we kissed more etc etc etc.. I could see he was aroused but he said that it would be too akward for him to have sex... I said " this is what I miss the most. the intimacy" ( meaning the cuddling kissing etc.. ) he said I miss it too, but I dont know bla bla bla... anyway we talked a few times for the next 5 weeks.. but overall i told him i needed to have no contact becuse i still loved him..

 

I sent him an email like a week and 1/2 ago.. professing my love once more.. no response... called 2 days after.. he doged the email then fessed up that he didnt know how to respond and said.. " I want you to know I still love you, But I think we are better off apart "

 

So this is my question.. from what you have heard where do you think he is at... He has gone though a very very very rough year with me.. not becuase of me but other things. too long to write, but includes grandmother dying.. father about to.. changing jobs and having tons of stress with that.. and really the list goes on.. and towards the end I felt a pull away and was stressing him out becuase i was vocal about it.. overreacting?? i dont know.. got clinggy on him?? maybe in the end..

 

I just foud it weird that he has my photos up still and we talked for 40 mins.. he hates the phone.. and the other things he had said..

 

I never got a real reason too. when i asked how/why did he feelings change he said" I dont know"

Im also trying to move on, I have been talking to a few guys to get to know them... taking it really really slow.. but a big part of my heart is still with him. and he asked if i was ok with being friends now... and it might be a bit premature but .. well ya know.. im trying to plant a seed to get him to remember how it was.. bla bla bla..

 

advise?

[Genesis]

Well I guess you can continue to be his friends but do not get your hopes up. It sounds as if that is all he wants from you (a friendship), and that is all. It seems like you are chasing him all the time and never giving him space. Why don't you let him call you sometimes too, a friendship is a two way street. In most cultures the woman does not pursue a man, if she wants to keep him.

 

He is avoiding your calls at times, so that says a lot about how he feels. He cares for you , but does not want to get back with you right now. I think you are not ready to be his friend, because you have a different agenda. He can never sort out his feeling for you if you are calling all the time. Does he ever call you that speaks on how he feels about you? Listen to what he says do not try to read anything into his words. I f he says I do not want a relationship right now , trust that he is telling you the truth.

[Boromir]

Hi,

 

This sucks. This sounds a lot like what I have heard from my ex, only she capped it with a new boyfriend.

 

The only thing I can say is that you have made it this far, and I know you can't see that but it is good. I know how you want to keep talking to him and trying to find out how things could be different, but I don't think he'll give you that. Learning from my case, they want to be as nice to you as possible, but regardless of what else is going on in their lives, if they wanted you there they would ask you to be there.

 

When I was in some of my darkest days, I didn't have someone there and I had to get through it myself. I have gone through other dark days with someone I loved and sometimes I forget that I had gone through it before by myself, so it shouldn't matter that they are no longer there.

 

If I had the choice though, I would always want someone there if I loved them. If I didn't love them or felt like it was wrong, I wouldn't want them there so I could concentrate on my life. If sucks.

 

I am sorry you are going through what you are going through. I am big on text messages too. I know what it is like wanting to send a lot because they aren't answering their phones.

 

PM me if you'd like. . .