NC doesn't make me move on. ALL it is does is make me think ' how silly we were! '

[Hunny1607307342]

Hello!

I've been broken up for 5 months now, 2 months NC, and 3 remaining months very very occasional contact.

Some know the history of events etc.

But I just want to vent my thoughts here if you guys don't mind, and maybe throw in a couple of reactions to this...

Basically, everytime NC develops, all I think to myself is "oh my gosh this is ridiculous, i miss him incredibly, we are so ridiculously silly!" The main reason for this being is that we broke up still very much in love, and just broke up because of very petty relationship conflicts such as fighting because i used to make an immature fusses over NOTHING and really stressed him out a lot sometimes (and myself too).

I guess the pattern of fighting/making up was becoming too silly for us to continue the relationship (in his eyes), nevertheless it hurt both of us so much. And me in particular because I was the one dumped of course.

But I dont know, it's almost as though nothing really helps me to move on.

The longer NC goes on, the more I think " aww he should really be here with me today having this tea with me, we really can work things out so easily".

And just "we were so young and immature we can really work something out".

It's just that so much time has passed, and after a long period of NC I forget about any conflict whatsover, all i remember is how well we get along, and i forget that he has an inability to trust me anymore etc, i just have the vision of the new improved me and how it is SILLY that he does not want to get to know it more! I just forget about his seriousness!

 

I desperately wish he knew that i am genuine about having a more mature approach to relationships but the impression i have that he can't trust me anymore this is really really sad, very tragic.

 

Is there anything i can do about this or shall i just continue with NC?

 

I mean either way I will continue with NC/LC anyway because the stage i am right now, i have to, so that's not really a question, but i just feel i need to get this out.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have no choice in the matter. He obviously couldn't handle things anymore and given the recent happenings, it doesn't seem like you have changed as much as you would like to believe. You still have a lot of work to do on yourself. You really need to accept that this is over because you really are torturing yourself.

[Hunny1607307342]

Hey look no offence because you do give great advice on the whole, but i dont appreciate comments like 'it doesn't seem like you have changed as much as you would like to believe'.

Why should you say such a thing, you dont even know me.

[itsallgrand]

Thinking what ended your relationship, more or less, as "silly" might be one of the reasons you are having trouble right now.

 

Silly isn't exactly the word I'd use for what you described. It's right serious.

 

NC, yeah, all the way. That's the building block to all the rest.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am basing it on the fact that you keep going on and on about how you are upset that he doesn't want to see the new you. One of the problems you said you had was fighting with him and wanting things your way...this is more of the same of wanting things your way. While you are not contacting him so that is good, you still haven't let go of the notion that "by golly, by hook or by crook I am going to get what I want and I don't understand why he is not accepting what I say". I am not trying to be mean...you are right, I don't know you...but the way you are thinking about this breakup and trying to win him over and being incredulous that he won't give you a chance is very much in keeping with the way you described your behaviour during the relationship.

[Hunny1607307342]

Yeah okay one perspective can be 'oh look she hasn't changed because she still wants things her own way' but it's not like that, i am genuinely less of a pyscho ex than i was back in december for example.

The reason why i am so sure that i have changed a lot is , for example, last week he sent me a harsh message in the middle of the night saying that he doesn't want me to contact him ever again (completely random on his part).

And I didn't respond.

He contact me 3 days later apologising.

 

That was the final moment where I really did think wow, the "old me" would have probably made such a huge fuss about his original text about wanting me permenantly never to speak to him again. Seriously, the old me would reply and be like 'what?! how could you say that? that is so mean and random dont you care about my feelings etc.etc.'

This was like the IT moment when i knew i have derived a strength which makes me think twice about things to make sure i dont fall back into my old ways.

 

And the term 'silly' i used was just because sometimes i think life is too short to let fights get in the way of love . NC just makes me miss him more as the days go by longer. im not saying i can't do it , im just saying sometimes i stop to think that it is a shame.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, but it is a shame to you but maybe not to him..maybe he got so weary of the behaviour that he doesn't think it is silly at all. There are so many issues that can break up a relationship even when both sides really love each other.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, it's a shame in the way that maybe it could have been prevented (the break up, the loss of love, whatever).

 

But maybe not. Maybe there was more to it under the fighting and behavior problems, or whathave you, that were a problem.

 

Bit by bit things start revealing themselves.

 

At some point, personally I gave up on trying to understand it all and simply accepted the break up.

 

Missing happens once in a while but not often now. Mainly because to the person I am now - it honestly feels as though the man I loved did not really exist, or does not exist anymore.

 

Whether that is more him or me doesn't even matter so much as the fact that it's over.

 

Moving on feels really good. At the very least, let the idea that maybe there was nothing that could have been done at all to make things turn out any different float in your mind.

 

It helps to take a lot of the pressure, and torture, off.

 

best wishes.