Mind games

[Tonk]

Hi just wondered what you thought of the following as I am confused.

 

Ok g\f is in the process of getting over a serious relationship. We started going out before she really started getting closure on ex. She has started now & I am trying to be there as a friend but find it difficult not to be more. She is giving me mixed messages sometimes she says lets be friends then the later she is sending messages saying marry me. We are sleeping together but since she seems very vunerable at the moment I have been trying to stop anyhting happening.

She went out last night for dinner with a friend that she says is not an ex but she did date and has had sex with. She asked me what if I was ok and i said I was confused and sent her an email which she didnt read till today. She said she would call and didnt I didnt sleep well last night and woke up this morning and cried for 3 hours I am not sure why. I am having other problems in my life, draging my business out of bankruptcy and personal financial problems as well as I still feel sad over my marriage break up last year and low self esteem.

In the email I asked what her thoughts were, saying I wasnt looking for any committment just want to know how she feels about me, since then she has not been in touch. Am I being unreasonable. After this morning i think I ought to break up the relationship as I feel I am not whole enough to keep it going and I know she needs time to sort her life out too. But it seems very positive when we are together and I think we are a good for each other in the sense of helping each other through things. I am not sure I can deal with going back to friends as I dont deal well with trying to hide the way i feel about people. Any thoughts anyone?

[Genesis]

I think she is not ready to be in a serious relationship right now. She still has feeling for her ex, she is going out on dinners with a man she had sex with. I think you both need time to heal before you rush things. Your stress from your business on top of this makes it worse.

 

A book I think you both should read is: Starting Over Mars and Venus by Dr. John Gray. another book Mars and Venus on a Date by Dr. John Gray. talk about the 5 stages of dating. It sounds like you two rushed things. Sex too soon can be harmful to a relationship. You can get these books at the library, you do not have to buy them if you do not want to. I read them 7 months ago when I first broke up with an ex.

 

It talks about the process of getting over a loved one by death or divorce. She is not playing mind games she may not know what she wants. The first 3-6 months are just a test, she may want to date others as well. It takes woman longer to get over a man than it does men to get over woman sometimes. So even though you may be over your ex she may not be over hers. they say for women if she was dumped, it will take half the length of the relationship toget over him. So how long was she with this guy?

 

Read those books it will give you a lot of tips about men and woman, dating ,divorce, mind games, ect... how men and woman move on from break ups.

 

Check it out.

[Tonk]

Hi Thanks for your reply,

 

Her break up and relationship was very muddy. They were togther for 2 years on and off. i.e. it was long distance and he kept saying he wanted to marry her then dumping her when it came to committing but they kept in touch. She has dated other people in between has kept trying to rebuild but going back into this old relationship. Then we started to see each other in September after knowing each other since July, he wanted to see her last month and she gave him an ultimatum yes she would see him but she needed commitment he told her that he didnt consider them to have had a relationship and had no intention of commiting and it finally sunk in that this guy was a jerk. Previously she was using distance and religion as reasons the relationship wasnt going to work rather than admitting that he was playing with her even though she has said this on several occasions.

 

I know now she is moving on and that she is not ready for any kind of commitment and neither am I. I think we are good for each other but then I wonder if it is better to have some time off and revisit in a few months but know I dont want this as it will make me unhappy Can it work if we try and work through things together? I know I want to be there for her as a friend but also know I wont be able to switch off the way I feel and she seems to want more than a friend? Will get the books and have a read.