Mediation this week and now I'm second guessing myself!??!!

[floridagirlal]

This has been a long drawn out process (I guess every divorce must feel that way). I filed in August 07 and now that we're nearing mediation (this friday, 3/14), I am questioning myself. It's not that I think that I want to be with him. It's really more like not wanting to cut off an appendage that has been attached to me for 17 years. I guess that since we aren't "fighting" right now, it seems tolerable and I'm wondering why I'm going to hurt so many lives (3 children) to get this divorce. On the other hand, he still hasn't moved out of the house which seems to show a lack of respect for my wishes...BUT, would I move out if I were in his situation? I can't honestly know the answer to that question.

 

Anyone else felt this way and what did you do?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

yes... this is a case of cold feet about the divorce, just like one can get cold feet about a marriage.

 

have you attended personal counseling to investigate what you really want? i would be careful before changing course again without being sure that is the direction you want to go, whether that is stay married or get divorced.

 

everyone regrets a divorce because it is painful and the end of a lot of hopes. but if you left without thinking it through, maybe you should explore it more before signing the final papers.

 

if you are thinking of staying, perhaps get some marriage counseling to explore that.

[floridagirlal]

I have been in counseling for over a year and I waited almost a year before filing for divorce because I wanted to be sure. Also, I filed for a divorce 6 years ago and ended up calling it off at the last minute. That's what made me wait to file this time.

[SpeedingCars]

My parents are divorced and my father comes and goes as he pleases inside the house. My mom finds it highly disrespectful but hasn't said a word to avoid conflict. My father claims he comes home to check up on us (the kids), but sometimes it seems as if he uses it as a hotel. I love my father dearly, but his habits can be questionable. He will eat our food, watch our TV, use our internet, ask loudly if we need any money (to show my mother he is responsible) and leave his clothes lying around.

 

He has his own house, and his girlfriend has her own house which he frequently goes to.

 

My dad took a LONG time to move out of the house because it is a very huge transition. I'm not saying it's right that he's taking awhile, but moving out is very emotional and difficult to manage because you are leaving several lives behind.

 

I'm not sure if I helped at all regarding how you should feel during the divorce. But I know my mother felt very distressed and guilty because she felt she should not have to burden us with the stress of a divorce, but I honestly didn't take it that way. It was better than living in a house full of bickering.

[thejigsup]

Any lawyer will tell you, if you move out it is his/her house to live in and possession is 9/10 of the law. He/She will generally be awared the house in the settlement if you don't agree to sell. Of course, this is in California. My ex was a family law attorney and he always counseled his clients (male and female) to sit tight and not leave. It's a game of nerves and men usually win.