Mustang Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I've always had a problem when it comes to girls. I get told I'm good looking, nice, funny, etc and I can be really outgoing when I'm out with close friends. Without fail however, whenever I like a girl, I'm never successful and I'm never interested in the girls that are interested in me. For example, I casually asked one girl to a gig and she ignored my invitation. Not a big deal in the sense that it wasn't worded like a "date" but even so... I thought we got on well so I thought I'd ask. Clearly I can't read signals very well. Again, last night, I was talking to a really nice girl that I've liked for a long time and the words just didn't come out. However, when talking to her friend who I have no interest in, I was completely myself. It's becoming annoying. I don't want to have to "settle" for someone just because they like me. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Well this is a pretty typical problem. You get nervous around a girl and freeze up because you are afraid your going to say something so she won't like you. You may not even realize your doing it, but you have to just try and say things you normally wouldn't hold back when around friends. If she doesn't approve then she never will and that's not your problem it's hers. It's called confidence. Next time your around her just bring up something that's been on your mind, maybe something funny. When ever she talks just listen and shut up, listening is valuable. Let her talk and she'll probably bring up something that you two have in common or that you can comment on. I really don't know what else to say but experience is going to teach you these things. You have to fail a lot to succeed. Just try to pretend the girl is just another person instead of putting her on a pedestal. Link to comment
artofdrowning Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I get the same thing (but im a girl) Guys that ask me out I don't like but any guys I've asked out I get declined (or just dont ask them out or flirt at all), and its no like im going for uber hot guys or something so it makes no sense to me Link to comment
musicguy Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 nothing in the dating world makes sense Link to comment
PeaceIsWithin Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Attractive girls are not royalty....they have feelings, worries, and insecurities just like everyone else. If you make them feel comfortable and act like everything is completely natural in talking to them, or whatever you happen to be doing, they will be drawn to you. Playful teasing and a sense of humor and they will melt... Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Without fail however, whenever I like a girl, I'm never successful and I'm never interested in the girls that are interested in me. For example, I casually asked one girl to a gig and she ignored my invitation. Not a big deal in the sense that it wasn't worded like a "date" but even so... I thought we got on well so I thought I'd ask. Clearly I can't read signals very well. Sounds like me. I asked a guy I know a little if he wanted to meet up and he ignored me. He's single and not 'stunning' looking, so... I don't understand. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I'm the same, and actually, I think often the boys I am interested are like you and it really ruins things (the whole shyness thing)... For the record, I don't look down on the guys who get shy around me. The only strategy I've got for dealing with this, is to be very friendly from the start. The whole pretending not to be curious about a person act is a trap that's hard to back your way out of. Be interested from the beginning, be it shameless flirting or friendliness as if you'd never thought of them in THAT way, and it will buy you time to get to know each other so that you'll have more of a comfort zone with each other and more to talk about. A lot of guys on this forum talk with trepidation about friend zoning, but seriously dude, if you can't get into friend zone and you're shy, your buggered. (remember: shyness is a kind of sensitivity, so it's an asset, even though it may be an inconvenience). Link to comment
PeaceIsWithin Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Be interested from the beginning, be it shameless flirting or friendliness as if you'd never thought of them in THAT way, and it will buy you time to get to know each other so that you'll have more of a comfort zone with each other and more to talk about. I have to say Lucy you have some grand insight yourself. If everyone did this it would eliminate like half the posts on here. I've never understood the whole "I'm gonna act like they're nothing to me even though I really like them" stuff. It's all based on the assumption of the other person feeling a certain way when there's no way to know but to engage. FIND YOURSELVES AND BE COMFORTABLE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Mustang Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 It's nice to know I'm not the only one! The weird thing is, I wouldn't class myself as shy once I get to know people and feel comfortable around them. But I suppose that is natural. It's so frustrating because I've always been like this. It's a bit of a vicious circle nowadays because I pretty much know that if I like someone, it won't happen because it hasn't ever happened before. So I get anxious again and don't get who I want. Again. I know it's crazy to look at things like that, but we all do it. Once biten, twice shy and all that. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Consider that you like the ones who don't seem to be interested because the fact that they are not interested is what intrigues you, as opposed to them as people. And the reverse could be true as well. Link to comment
Mustang Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Consider that you like the ones who don't seem to be interested because the fact that they are not interested is what intrigues you, as opposed to them as people. And the reverse could be true as well. Maybe. That makes sense actually. Although, to be honest, sometimes it feels like they are interested in me. I don't think I've ever asked somebody out or been interested in someone without there being some signals from her end. It just seems weird how I asked someone casually if they wanted to come to a gig and they freak out completely. I didn't even word it like a "date". I HATE that term. It puts so much pressure on the evening. I just said it in a kind of "hey, you like this band and so do I, I'm going to see them, wanna come along?" way. But I guess she made her point pretty clear by ignoring the question. All the girlfriends I've ever had have kind of just happened. So maybe that's what I need to do. Just let things happen. But then again, why the hell should I?! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 For me being proactive is what worked for me, although with my current bf it more just kind of happened (but we knew each other already). I always preferred a guy being direct and asking me out on a date rather than having to play the guessing games. I've been out on more than one non-date where I had no idea it was supposed to be a date - which is ok, but then the guy of course shouldn't feel led on if she won't see him again. Asking out is always a risk - and of course if you are interested you might read into her "signals" more than you would otherwise. Good luck! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 you have to keep trying until you are comfortable hitting on women. keep at it. at least you try and talk. most guys, especially here, cannot get a 'hi' out of their mouth. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 yeah i hear ya. im alittle different with it tho. There could be a girl im interested in but once we hook up or sleep together on a night where we were mutual about each other i lose interest right away. But... the one that i actually start to dig and am completely myself with i dont get.. hmmm. i dunno. its weird. I dont freeze up, act nervious or different. I am myself, but maybe the girls i am interested are the ones with issues. ive had that luck in the past Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 , cannot get a 'hi' out of their mouth. I can get "hi" out of my mouth but it often sounds like "weoriwursf0998asld" however, it still seems to get results. You have to go with the "nothing ventured, nothing gained attitude" and have a number of "irons in the fire" so to speaks. It also helps if you remember that girls are probably just as nervous as the guys are. Humour helps. Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 It also helps if you remember that girls are probably just as nervous as the guys are. Humour helps. Yep! We get nervous too and humor is a huge help. A guy who shows a good sense of humor sparks my interest, even if he's nervous. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 just remember that when you talk, you both end up talking. then you both feel really comfortable. Link to comment
scotty77 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 For me being proactive is what worked for me, although with my current bf it more just kind of happened (but we knew each other already). I always preferred a guy being direct and asking me out on a date rather than having to play the guessing games. I've been out on more than one non-date where I had no idea it was supposed to be a date - which is ok, but then the guy of course shouldn't feel led on if she won't see him again. Asking out is always a risk - and of course if you are interested you might read into her "signals" more than you would otherwise. Good luck! That's a good point about reading more into her signals if you are interested,I guess we all do that .Did you ever ask anyone out ,Batya,say at work and you knew beforehand that you would have to see them all the time if they turned you down? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I have asked out men who I had to see again at school or through mutual friends and one I asked to lunch who I worked with for one summer - it wasn't an official date but it was obvious to him that I was interested. Unless you count one guy I completely hit on at a resort a dozen years ago (I wanted to see what it was like to use typical guy lines on a guy), all the men I asked out were men who I had to see around again. Link to comment
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