Finally, we are friends. Or is there something more to it? ADVICE PLEEAASE

[Hunny1607307342]

Finally after 4 months of mess between me and my ex, we have very recently started talking as two civilised friends, and i can't explain to you how nice it feels for me personally, i was so happy about it.

It started by bumping into him at the gym after a very long time. We talked a little, and then later on, at 1am he messaged me saying he forgot to mention something to me at the gym, ie that he didnt notice anything remotely wrong with my knee anymore (because i had an operation on it a long time ago) and asked if I'd been doing physio.

I replied saying thank you etc. and it developed into a texting conversation, and continued for about 2 hours. It was all general chit chat really, and i THINKK at one point he tried to figure out if I have a boyfriend by asking "So, anything new and exciting going on in your life?" And I just replied very generally saying im looking forward to Easter, asked him the same question, and he said that he's actually going through a cynical phase where "everything in life just seems so meaningless".

I decided that the smart thing to do would be just to reply giving him upbeat advice, telling him positive things that he has a lot going for him etc. I think i was being quite sweet. But he said something strange in response, he said: " you sound different, but I can't quite place how, and its making you talk funny. I'll say goodnight on that mystery". I thought this was quite a playful message (unliike the rest of them which were really quite banal), so I replied saying " you better have figured out what you mean by the next time i bump into you!"

and then he went banal again- "I would have forgotten by then i am sure. Night"

 

 

How strange?? What does all of this mean? What on earth is he trying to say here??

YOUR OPINIONS ARE NEEDED! XXX

 

 

 

NB. The history of my break up is too long to go into right now, but briefly: he broke up with me after 2 years of relationship because we'd to argue to much (and it was my fault 99% of the time, something which i came to recognise too late).

[renaissancewoman101]

It's good that you guys are friends, or else you guys are relating on a "friend" level. Remember to keep your encounters upbeat and don't talk about the relationship unless he brings it up.

 

People are drawn to what makes the feel good and avoid what makes them feel bad.

[DN]

What are the chances of bumping into him again fairly soon?

 

If not good then I suggest asking him if he'd like to grab a coffee to catch up in person. If they are good wait until you see him.

[renaissancewoman101]

^ good idea. Asking to hang out for coffee is a great way to break the ice.

[Hunny1607307342]

Hmmm

shouldn't i wait til he asks me? But the problem is he may never ask me. But then wouldn't that then indicate that he doesn't want to go for a coffee?

 

How about if i text him this evening saying

"well it doesn't haave to wait so long, do you want to have millies cookies tomorrow? I'll have some time to kill at the station before i leave if you're in the mood".

 

But isn't this too forward? i mean he broke up with me, remember..

[renaissancewoman101]

I wouldn't text him, but wait till the next time you run into him. Then bring up hanging out.

 

Texting him would make it seem that you thought it out. If you ask when you run into him again, it will seem more of the spur of the moment thing

[Addicus]

Hunny...remember that a friendship should be equal..just like a relationship....you both should felel OK to initiate contact..if you don't then maybe it is too soon for a friendship.....if you do not want to call IMO it is because if he says no you will feel rejected. You can initiate contact with your ex...just don't seem like you are needy...through an open ended offer out thre..."Would you like to get coffee sometime?" If you thnk that by aasking and not getting the answer you want will set you back in your bid to let go then you may need more time....you have all the time you need!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Hunny... what are you hoping for here? friendship? to get back together?

 

He may think that enough time has passed that you can be casual friends... when he says something like: ' would have forgotten by then i am sure.' he is letting you know that this level of contact that you just had is not going to happen very often.

 

When we have just friendship in mind, we don't spend a lot of time pondering 'what this means'. that is usually a sign you are hoping for more, and looking for signs that there may be more there than there really is.

 

So if you have any hopes to get back together, you have to be careful not to read too much into anything he says/does. When someone wants to get back together with you, they will set up dates, go on dates, talk to you about what they want. He will make it clear he wants to get back together.

 

if he's just chatting and not asking for a date or talking about trying again, then i think you should work on accepting that he is just a friend, and don't spend a lot of time focusing on him. instead, focus on someone who clearly wants to date you.

[EmotionalCreature]

Over-analyzed a bit I feel.

[lady00]

Over-analyzed a bit I feel.

 

I agree. If it's true friendship, then it shouldn't be that complicated. Think of your friendship with your other male friends and how that dynamic works. I stayed in a "friendship" very similar to this with my ex for a year and you can guess what i brought me...a lot of confusion and some pain. And you know what? My ex did nothing wrong. He never led me on while we were friends and was always so kind but I was always the one setting up meetings and I came to realize that it wasn't going anywhere and despite telling myself I wanted friendship, my feelings kept changing and I realized I actually was not over him and wanted more. If you see the same thing happening to you, I'd say take a big step back. Then again, your situation may be very different from mine. I have no idea what your ex is thinking deep down.

[Hunny1607307342]

i appreciate all your responses!! I agree i mean im not going to message him or anything because i dont want to give him the wrong idea like as though im trying to get back with him, because im not.

and i know it sounds over analysed but to be honest, he analysed me too, e.g. "there's something up that makes you sound different" etc.etc.

Anyway I'm not going to ponder on this anymoree

 

[lady00]

i dont want to give him the wrong idea like as though im trying to get back with him, because im not.

 

I see...in that case, just take it slowly and suggest you hang out every now and then when your schedule permits. Do things you would do with your other friends. That way he won't be weirded out and end up thinking that you're trying to get him back.

[jennyjen4291]

i think that he misses you.....and he always has...but he may have had tooo much pride to ever be the "chaser" or the one who fights for your love...my ex and i brok eup because were young...and we, too, would ight sooo much, and liek you, i feel it was my fault almost all the time. heaqrts, like people, change, and when the oppurtunity arises to start something new...TAKE it....it may be the last one.

 

[jennyjen4291]

nevermind.

you dont want to get back with him

;X

[EmotionalCreature]

when the oppurtunity arises to start something new...TAKE it....it may be the last one.

 

 

If you're talking about getting back together, that's true.

[brokedownpalace]

if your intention is to get him back then you need to play it alot cooler than you are playing it.

 

Nothing is more attractive than someone who has moved on with their life and seeing how your life is so much better with them not in it.

 

It works believe me!