LilBear Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 From that message i would know your not over the end of the relationship.So he will have all the power. Tips to get back with a fella. 1/new look/hairstyle 2/act as if you dont give a toss and your enjoying life,dating etc 3/remind him of what hes lost. 4/dont contact him let him do the contacting New look and hairstyle...check Act like I don't give a toss...check...went out to a (non-date) movie with his best friend...check Remind him what he's lost...most probably...check... Let him initiate contact...check... Been there, done that 1 - he actually said I looked better with my old look, everyone else thought that I've never looked better, the way I look now....so no, this doesn't necessary work if your ex is like mine, anything to put me down to justify his decision to dump me 2 - I went out, was busy, bla bla bla...never responded to most of his texts and he said I was ignoring him...this IS empowering on your part...so please do this! Ignore ALL his texts - replying won't do you any good, trust me. 3 - Remind him what he's lost - yes, no contact...but please don't see it as a game, or a trick to get him back. NC is for you to heal. 4 - If he contacts...so? You will respond? I let him initiate all contact. Mostly I didn't respond. Sometimes I do. Everytime I do respond, I hurt, and had major setbacks. This is based on my personal experience. So whether he contacts or doesn't contact first does not and will not change anything. Just my 2 cents' worth, based on personal experience. Nic, probably those girls were in NC. And while in NC, you don't respond, haha. Probably, you did not do enough as to have them want to respond. Understandably you did not seek to rebuild and just wanted a friendship. So you have to forgive them for behaving the way they did. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Its Andy by the way. So it doesnt work in every situation.This was my personal experience of what rebuilt the attraction for me in these women.The girl i tried to get in touch with would not respond.All i would say if he reaches out and trys to contact you respond find out what he wants then you decide. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Also It took me nearly a year to realise that i missed this girl.So no quick fixes. Link to comment
sara1 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 If it takes this guy a year to miss me than i'm almost 100% certain that i would have moved on completely. That's a long time. I suppose the person and circumstances play a role in the time that it will take for them to miss you if ever. I think for the most part if the person waits more than a few months to make contact most people have well moved on and the likelihood to reconnect is not likely. For then it would be a small chance that both people are at the same place with the same openness for a relationship. I haven't seen that in my experiences. I have contacted an ex that i initiated a break-up well after a year and although they were happy i made contact as it gave them some satisfaction. Nevertheless they had well moved on emotionally. My gesture only flattered them and that was the extent of the effects of reaching out after a long time had passed. Link to comment
GoldFox3840 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 So the whole NC with a guy really does work? Hell, I'm a guy and I know it would definitely work on me. If I break up with a girl and she completely disappears from my life, I will wonder what has happened to her. I strongly wonder if it works on GIRLS. Seems like girls get over me so easily. SO easily. Of course, the last time, with the ex before the current ex I guess I called her all too often pleading and trying to bargain. With my current ex I talked to her once after the break-up, kind of pleading, but more like letting her know exactly how I felt so I felt like I at least tried. Now it's been 26 days of NC since then and I haven't heard from her. I know, only 26 days, but still I get the feeling that she'll never wonder about me. Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 But surely disappearing from the person's life helps them to move on just as we HEAL using NC, THEY HEAL too. Link to comment
sara1 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I think it NC for the dumper could work either way. They could go on to heal and never look back or they go about their life and over time realize what they lost. I don't know statistically how many dumpers end up missing their ex, but from what it apears only NC can help increase and help yourself. I'm in NC myself and though it is a struggle i know i can chase after someone who initiated a break with me. Link to comment
sara1 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 It does seem like there should be something else you can do to help your ex miss you but it seems that NIC has some good advice to follow. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 It does seem like there should be something else you can do to help your ex miss you but it seems that NIC has some good advice to follow. At the end of the day has the continual rattling his cage worked NO.Those tips rebuilt the ATTRACTION for me in my exs. Link to comment
toughtimes15 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 okay nic...can you tell us the tips one more time with some explanation i.e. how they worked for you? thanks bud!!! Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 okay nic...can you tell us the tips one more time with some explanation i.e. how they worked for you? thanks bud!!! No 1 is total n/c dont tell him just do it.This is the most important thing of all if he knows your a lap dog ready to run whenever he calls you will never rebuild the ATTRACTION. People say not to use games on here but if it works for you i would everytime. I think the following will get him back sooner in conjuction with n/c. So if you are still likely to see the guy about you need a new wardrobe,hairstyle etc the new super you.If you dont see the guy get it back to him through friends that your having a great life,dont give a toss about him etc,your lifes fantastic.YOUR OVER HIM,thats when you become a challenge again. Link to comment
toughtimes15 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 No 1 is total n/c dont tell him just do it.This is the most important thing of all if he knows your a lap dog ready to run whenever he calls you will never rebuild the ATTRACTION. People say not to use games on here but if it works for you i would everytime. I think the following will get him back sooner in conjuction with n/c. So if you are still likely to see the guy about you need a new wardrobe,hairstyle etc the new super you.If you dont see the guy get it back to him through friends that your having a great life,dont give a toss about him etc,your lifes fantastic.YOUR OVER HIM,thats when you become a challenge again. So the whole challenge thing...it's like that for most guys?? Link to comment
DN Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 So the whole challenge thing...it's like that for most guys??No it isn't. Many guys don't like the idea of a challenge because they don't like being manipulated. If he wants you he will be with you - playing hard to get in a situation like this is silly because he was the one who walked in the first place. But going NC because you assume the relationship is over and have decided to heal and move on is a different idea altogether. Sometimes the ex will come back but there is no guarantee of that nor should it be the reason NC is started. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 So the whole challenge thing...it's like that for most guys?? Challenge and Attraction are the same in this context. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 No it isn't. Many guys don't like the idea of a challenge because they don't like being manipulated. If he wants you he will be with you - playing hard to get in a situation like this is silly because he was the one who walked in the first place. But going NC because you assume the relationship is over and have decided to heal and move on is a different idea altogether. Sometimes the ex will come back but there is no guarantee of that nor should it be the reason NC is started. As long as he doesnt know hes been manipulated it works.Its the classic can have cant have situation.Ok the relationship had to finish without bitterness and not losing self respect. This is what attracted me back anyway Link to comment
DN Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 As long as he doesnt know hes been manipulated it works.Its the classic can have cant have situation.Ok the relationship had to finish without bitterness and not losing self respect. This is what attracted me back anywayMy point is that what works for one person won't necessarily work for others. Some people are more attuned to being manipulated than others. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 My point is that what works for one person won't necessarily work for others. Some people are more attuned to being manipulated than others. Thats true.But even if this plan is manipulative it includes N/C as the main tool,ok its for healing yourself but also works in your favour.Doing these things im sure is much better rather than having your heart continualy ripped out by keeping in contact with your ex Link to comment
DN Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Thats true.But even if this plan is manipulative it includes N/C as the main tool,ok its for healing yourself but also works in your favour.Doing these things im sure is much better rather than having your heart continualy ripped out by keeping in contact with your ex Providing you are not setting yourself up with expectations that aren't realistic because that way the disappointment when the ex doesn't come back can be overwhelming. Link to comment
toughtimes15 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I agree with nic...I'm going forward with your 4 steps. I'm not even going to keep track of the NC. What good will that do me? I want him to realize what he lost. Link to comment
sara1 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Okay, i know the NC is mainly for yourself to heal & move on. However in regards to NC and the effects it has on the ex missing you, do you think that there are some personality types that may be exempt from this? If the ex were more shy type do you still think you can regard NC the same way. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Okay, i know the NC is mainly for yourself to heal & move on. However in regards to NC and the effects it has on the ex missing you, do you think that there are some personality types that may be exempt from this? If the ex were more shy type do you still think you can regard NC the same way. All i can tell you is this is what got me sniffing around my ex after i dumped her.I think im a normal fella.It may not work people are different but it def raised my ATTRACTION level which is the important thing.Shy or not if its really important to him he wont care about failure. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Providing you are not setting yourself up with expectations that aren't realistic because that way the disappointment when the ex doesn't come back can be overwhelming. I see it as a double win situation.Your removed from the other person and the pain.Even though your wishing for him to come running your heart is also healing during this time,so if and when he comes back your in a better position to make the correct decision. It took me nearly 8 months to realise i wanted the girl back so dont consider it a quick fix or anything. Link to comment
sara1 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 This was after one year of NC? If you don't have contact with the ex's friends, how would recommended communicating this new and improved life back to them? Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 This was after one year of NC? If you don't have contact with the ex's friends, how would recommended communicating this new and improved life back to them? 8 months n/c. If you cant get the message to him that everythings great then you have to be 100% n/c no birthday txt nothing.Your not on this planet as far as hes concerned. Link to comment
sara1 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Okay, got it. For some reason I can't stop asking the stupd "why" he was so willing to throw everything away without looking back. I guess he didn't see it valuable enough in his life now. I'll continue to ask myself and not him though. Link to comment
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