afc_2_dj Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Hi, I have great difficultly coming up with convestion to meet women in bars/clubs. A real problem is when you are not great looking, women ignore you in general, that is, you have no eye-contact/smile to start with, and no reason for them to stay talking to you. "Hi" is great, even if she responds "hi" back, then what? I need something catchy to keep her attention and stop her running after the next tall,dark,handsome guy that comes past. A problem I realized is its hard to make conversation cos I have nothing to say to her to begin with, as opposed to talking to a shiop clerk for instance when I have a reason to talk to her, I want to know where the sponges are or something. Searching this topic anywhere does not really reveal anything of substance, I think becuase overall its a dynamic topic, and people conversations are relevant to the situation. You want to open a girl on the dance floor/bar/walking but what kind of things do you even talk about?!?! I always see guys saying something to a girl and her laughing, what on earth do they always say thats so funny?? Any ideas, I'd love to hear especially from the less attractive guys, whats worked for you? Thanks!! Link to comment
wayoverit Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 "I always see guys saying something to a girl and her laughing, what on earth do they always say thats so funny??" It's usually something stupid like poking fun of someone's dance moves. Or some type of exaggerations about how much better he can do it. It's not funny, but the girl lol in response lacking a feedback to his "humor". I would start out with situational/environmental observations because that's the first thing two people in the club have in common like "how do you like the music?" or "It's crowded/empty here huh?" or "The price on the drinks is pretty cheap here huh?" The other thing you can say is more related to her like "Hey I saw you earlier in the parking lot you look like someone I know" Or "did you notice the guy fixing his car tire in the parking lot" etc.. Of course, higher physical attraction level will keep the conversation going longer. Link to comment
Aurian Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 A sense of humour and a real smile makes anyone`s attractiveness jump up the scale a few grades. Dunno about topics though, I`m very shy myself and never been hit on in bars (and a wolf whistle on the street doesn`t count). I did online dating because you can ask questions and start conversations based on the info in the others' profiles. Link to comment
afc_2_dj Posted February 15, 2008 Author Share Posted February 15, 2008 It's not funny, but the girl lol in response lacking a feedback to his "humor". Thats a good point. Just made me think of something else too, I see it posted often here that if a girl is attracted to you she will laugh at anything you say, maybes it not that they say anything good, its just that she thinks they're really attractive. start out with situational/environmental observations because that's the first thing two people in the club have in common Makes sense to me, I often thought of that, it relates directly to my main problem, and that is: me: It's crowded/empty here huh? her: Yup! me: ????? *runs away* I always end up with the same problem, I had no real specific topic or reason to talk her in the first place. It find it hard to make it into a conversation that doesn't make me look like an idiot. Maybe I just haven't someone I can flow with yet. Which is why in some ways I agree with Aurian, online you have a starting point, and its much easier to write an email in the peace of your home! Though the problem I find is ... "so, I see you're fun-loving .... tell me, how does the differentiate you from the 501 other women on this site who're fun-loving?!?!?" ... profiles to do be similar and not have much to work with!! Women online are also very looks-oriented [ tho no more I suppose than anywhere else, its just online its up in your face "can't write to xyz becuase of non-negatiable requirement: looks"!! ] Dunno about topics though, I`m very shy myself and never been hit on in bars Well, that is a pity. Never thought of that actually, I should rather post at women as ask them what do guys say to you thats so good!! Go out and smile at a couple of guys then report back on what they say! Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 What are you hoping to accomplish with the women you meet at clubs? Perhaps part of the reason why you are finding it hard to talk to women at clubs is because you dont even know why you are there other than to meet women? Link to comment
Superfreak Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 What are you hoping to accomplish with the women you meet at clubs? Perhaps part of the reason why you are finding it hard to talk to women at clubs is because you dont even know why you are there other than to meet women? Classic female response. Men don't go to clubs to dance with their male friends. Get over it. Link to comment
RealBrookeI Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Classic female response. Men don't go to clubs to dance with their male friends. Get over it. That was my point, it sounds like this guy is going to the club looking for "the one" when quite honestly he should be looking for the one tonight especially if he is as unattractive as he says he is. Quite honestly he would be better off developing some interest in things and meet women that way rather than going to the clubs looking for somethin g other than a one night stand or someone to grind with. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 That was my point, it sounds like this guy is going to the club looking for "the one" when quite honestly he should be looking for the one tonight especially if he is as unattractive as he says he is. Quite honestly he would be better off developing some interest in things and meet women that way rather than going to the clubs looking for somethin g other than a one night stand or someone to grind with. Right. I'd definitely agree with you in that case. Link to comment
boo121 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 You want to open a girl on the dance floor/bar/walking but what kind of things do you even talk about?!?! I always see guys saying something to a girl and her laughing, what on earth do they always say thats so funny?? What you need to do, is go up and approach a lot of girls and expect to get rejected. It will do you some good. It's no big deal, ive been blown off millions of times. What works for me is to deliberately get shut down by a girl, then fire something back at her and turn it into friendly banter. Example the other night - I went up to a girl and just said "Hi" and she goes "Sorry... do i even know you!!" so i said "Well actually i know your mum and she told me to approach you cos she said you need a lot of help" If she gets annoyed and doesnt talk, move on. I'm looking for girls who have a brain and are quick witted and can fire something back at me! If you can say something provactive all the better. Try this - go up to the dancefloor, find some1 and say "excuse me...(pause) do you always dance like a penguin?" you'll get a fun conversation out of that if you do it in the right way. Link to comment
afc_2_dj Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 it sounds like this guy is going to the club looking for "the one" ... Quite honestly he would be better off developing some interest in things and meet women that way I wouldn't say I am there to meet "the one" in particular, but yes a prime reason for being there is to meet women. I don't see anything wrong with that, I see it as just another source of potential dates. I do have interests but there is a lack of women in there 20's/30's involved around here. I don't see why people always say "meet women in your interest field", as if the women with similar interests are a different sub-group to the ones online/in clubs/etc. I mean we have a similar interest but they all have the same requirments as women online/etc, and don't suddenly knock tall/dark/handsome/etc off their requirments list just because we share an interest. [however I do agree, I'd love to meet a women though my hobby] quite honestly he should be looking for the one tonight especially if he is as unattractive Interesting comment, I would have thought being unattractive would make the "one tonight" be almost impossible to find, given that the only work around seems to be long-term personality exposure. What works for me is to deliberately get shut down by a girl, then fire something back at her and turn it into friendly banter. .... find some1 and say "excuse me...(pause) do you always dance like a penguin?" Boo, what you say makes sense, and I agree, I also like sharp witty girls who have some kind of come-back, though I don't know if I could say that ... I'd be laughing to much myself to pull it off! Link to comment
Unmotivated Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I would say go up and ask her opinion about something interesting or ask a question relating to the venue or relating to something that just happened (i.e. "woah, did you just see that fight outside?"). Don't ask her any person questions like her name or what she does until you've been talking to her for a while and you know she's enjoying your company. And remember, looks don't matter very much if you have strength of personality and character. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 And remember, looks don't matter very much if you have strength of personality and character. Plus it's pretty dark in some of those places anyway Link to comment
Aurian Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Well, that is a pity. Never thought of that actually, I should rather post at women as ask them what do guys say to you thats so good!! Go out and smile at a couple of guys then report back on what they say! Haha, now that`s the kind of witty stuff you need to say in real! Link to comment
silentbutdeadly Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Not in a try hard way girls love cool clothing and there also love commenting on it like a cool jacket or shoes comment that boo121 made a definate thing to try. Also dont show so much intrest to those stunning lasses i just made this up right now "Are you just cute or is there something more that your not telling me" Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 If you can say something provactive all the better. Try this - go up to the dancefloor, find some1 and say "excuse me...(pause) do you always dance like a penguin?" you'll get a fun conversation out of that if you do it in the right way. Clubs are always so loud. How can you even initiate a conversation with someone? Link to comment
d24 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 "so what do you do?" "oh i know a guy who works/studies there" "yeah you might have seen him, he wears this insanely huge brown fuzzy coat, kind of looks like a bear?" easy laugh "haha okay i guess you haven't seen him - i work/study at xyz - you ever been/like it?" "i can probably fix you for a discount if you ever need 'something ridiculous related to drinks e.g. headlight fluid or paper cups' but the chances of that are quite slim huh?" easy laugh "so hey talking of substances that taste like nail-varnish remover, you tried that cheap 'insert drink here - usually vodka' at the bar? it's insane?" "hey come with i'll buy you a drink and all it will cost you is a few minutes telling me a bit about yourself" *smile and/or wink if you can do it without looking sleazy* chances are you'll at least get a smile works for me 50% of the time Link to comment
Manco Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Ummm...Maybe you should not go for women in clubs???? The fact that it's nearly impossible to hear already shows you how little value is put on the conversation. Yes, good looking guys will score girls. Thats life. Suck it up move on. Believe it or not, unattractive men can get women too. You just become crafty and smart. And part of being crafty is not being a dumb-a-s-s. And not being a dumb-a-s-s is not picking up girls at a club whne you're ugly. The night life is the most shallow scene you will ever encounter. It's so dark and booze soaked that the only part of the brain still functioning is the ID zone. The moral of the story: Either become hot or become smart. Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Its really just practice. I used to able to talk the head off a bull women are easy, just play to their interests and use flattery. it does help to be handsome I will admit but you can do things to make yourself appear handsome and that should keep their interest for a while longer. Women do it in the form of working out, wearing make up and wearing suggestive clothing. I am tall though, and I'll also admit that it does help. Practice, practice, practice. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Women don't base everything on good looks. A good sense of humor goes a long way. Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Women don't base everything on good looks. A good sense of humor goes a long way. Women don't base everything on good humour. A good looking guy goes a long way. Link to comment
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