Hollyj Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 My ex and I have decided to restore our friendship with one another--broke up three-months ago after a short relationship. We met up a few nights back and had a wonderful time-some touchy flirtation on his part. During our conversation he said he is still grappling with feeling for me, but doesn't want a relationship at this time-either do I-as he wants to feel things out and take things slowly, we had rushed into the our previous relationship at an unhealthy pace. I know he is still interested, but how does one pace this out? I am friendship restore mode-still have some feelings-I need to know I can depend on him once again and need to see a change in the behavior. So, how does one handle the flirtations w/o the other feeling rejected, with the "possibilty" of a reconciliation? Link to comment
AnxiousGirl Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 In my opinion, it's still too early for a friendship. You still have feelings for him. Just leave him be. He will never miss you if you're his "friend." That's just a nice way of saying "I'm putting you on the backburner just in case someone else doesn't come along." I wouldn't attempt this if I were you because you may be setting yourself up for a lot of hurt in the future. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Actually I'm the one that initiated the friendship after he had called. I don't want more at this time. We both have some feelings for one another and are not sure if we can work back into a relationship. I will continue to be open to other people, as I would expect he would as well. The one thing we had promised one another in the beginning was not to lose the friendship, now it's just the matter of how to handle things along the way. That's the complicated part! Link to comment
AnxiousGirl Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Well, just as long as the BOTH of you are alright with the friendship idea. Most of the time one person feels more strongly about the other, and that's why it's hard to maintain a true friendship. Maybe try hanging out in a group of friends if that's possible. I think that will definitely help to break the ice and any awkwardness there may be between the both of you. Keep it light, have fun, and most of all, enjoy one another's company Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Fellow ENAers, can I get some more input please. Link to comment
matt24 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I don't know how you can just "be friends" with someone you still have feelings for? How is it possible? It also seems like a lot of work to try and not let yourself feel things. I know I would feel jealousy, among a boat load of other emotions if I was trying to be friends with someone while knowing I still had feelings for them. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 The excuses he has given seem a bit lame to me.He either wants you or doesnt.Dont let him string you along. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 So, you don't think people can try to get to know one another again as friends to see if they want to move on to another place? I'm not certain as to what I want either, as there was a bit of turmoil in our short relationship-no infidelity. Following the breakup he let me down a great deal-I made him very aware of this the other night-he apologized several times for his behavior and promised he would make it up to me. Time will tell. I just don't know how to deal with the inbetween time? Link to comment
thouse Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 So, you don't think people can try to get to know one another again as friends to see if they want to move on to another place? I'm not certain as to what I want either, as there was a bit of turmoil in our short relationship-no infidelity. Following the breakup he let me down a great deal-I made him very aware of this the other night-he apologized several times for his behavior and promised he would make it up to me. Time will tell. I just don't know how to deal with the inbetween time? If both of you guys are in agreeance that neither one of you want a relationship, then why can 't you be friends. The thing is you guys need to have a discussion so that you are both on the same page as far the flirting because if you guys are friends there really shouldn't be any flirting going on, and I think a good guideline also would be no intimate stuff so that you guys don't fall into the friends with benefits situation, also I feel like you guys are saying that you can be friends right now but I bet things will change when one of you starts to see someone else and you have to be subjected to that. However if you guys are both cool with the situation then why not. Link to comment
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