6 months, mixed signals and can't move on

[Dexter]

Hey all, here's my situation, any advice would be great!! My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months now. We still talk and hang out as "Friends" even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I am always treating her very nice and almost like she is my g/f even though she is not. She sends me mixed signals at times as well. She shows me affection at times and then later on comes up to an excuse as to why something happened. She also lies to me about her life and what is going on in her life, including her sex life. I know she is having sex and that she has condoms, but she tells me that she's not having sex and that she doesn't even have condoms... I don't get it.

 

The other night I went out with her and her friend to a dance club. At the club she was totally wasted and ended up dancing with and making out with this guy she met there.That hurt and was very hard to watch.... but I dealt with it. After the club her and I went back to her apartment and I took care of her drunk a$$ all night while she puked and stayed with her until the next day until she started to feel better. I am always doing nice things for her, whether it's taking care of her, buying her dinner, making her dinner, etc... but I never get anything in return.

 

Yesterday I just broke down... when I was with her. I want so bad to be with her again but she doesn't want to be with me because of some things that have happened in the past, but there are times that she still does give me mixed signals of affection. It just sucks so bad to love someone and want to give them the world and treat them well when they don't feel the same way for you... It's so hard to deal with, but yet I am still dealing with it. A lot of people say that she just uses me for emotional support, until she finds something "better" that comes along. One of my friends said that I'm her spare tire.... she will pull me out every once in awhile and fill me up with air to make sure that I'm still there, and if she ever gets a flat tire, she will pull me out and put me on for a ride until she gets a new regular tire, and then she will put me back in the trunk. That is how I feel too... I don't know if I need to just cut off contact, or what.. I try to, but it just doesn't work, I keep getting sucked back into her... it's driving me crazy. I know I'm better than this but I just feel that we do belong together and that I do love her still and I really want things to work out. I just wish there was a way that I could show her that things can still work out, but it shouldn't be like that... she should be the one asking me back, not me asking her back... but I'm stuck. I want to be with her so bad it's driving me crazy. I do have other options, other girls that are interested, but I'm sheltering myself from them because I am so confused and messed up over my ex still.... don't know what to do....

[msvb60]

STOP being friends with her!! You aren't moving on because you're trying to be friends with her because deep down you think she'll change her mind and be your girlfriend again. But you aren't giving her a chance to miss you and you're not giving yourself a chance to move on.

 

Stop any contact with her and do something with yourself to get your mind off of it. If a relationship is to be again(and the odds are always against that) then she needs to change her mind. You always being there isn't going to change her mind. She views you as a friend and nothing more.

 

No more calls, emails or hanging out. If she calls don't answer and never call back. Dude, do this and it will get better.

 

Harsh words but right on.

 

My fiancee dumped me 5 weeks ago and it sucked in the beginning but the longer I go without contact the easier it gets.

[emix]

Dexter,

 

From what u described, I think you have done everything you could. So you have tried your best, and I do agree it IS time to stop. If you love her so much, let her go, and if she comes back, she's yours; if she doesn't, it never meant to be... (I learned that from this site!) If it's she really loves u, it shouldn't be a mixed signals at all. True love is very straight forward. perhaps she wouldn't realise how much u mean to her, until she really loose you for good. And for you, you will only loose someone that dosen't love you. come on, you do own your life a chance to experience with other women.

[Cid]

Yes there is a point that you must stop and give up and you are at that point. So just give it up.

[Charlee]

I too am at the 6 month mark and been thru similar to you. He wants to be my friend and I have been hanging in there hoping he will come back. Been thru the mixed signal thing also. About 2 weeks ago I snapped and told him no more contact, and this time he seems to have listened. It's getting easier for me now.

 

No contact. It's the only answer to heal yourself. She is using you to make herself feel better as she is probably confused. Meantime your being hurt and stuck in limbo, healing a bit then seeing her with another guy or hearing about it which pushes you back in your healing process. Tell her no more contact, and to move on with her life. This way you won't know what she is doing, and what you don't know won't hurt you.

 

Hang in there - it does get easier

[Jayme]

I have been thur the same sh*t too. She's trying to cling on to you. Making use of you, but deep down inside, she just wants to go ahead and have fun. And has no plans to settle down at all. And allow me to say this. She's not the only person in the world. As you said, there are other girls interested in you. Get your life back on track, and who knows? Someone out there might offer you things that you could have never imagined. Trust me on that. =) True love is such that, sacrifices are made by 2 party and not only one. And when both parties give love unconditionally. cheers mate. SmileZ always.