Dexter

hey all. I've been dating this girl for about a month now, and she's great. we're totally into each other. however, every now and then there are things that bother me. she has a journal on link removed . most of her stuff is private, but every once in awhile she'll make a public entry. today her post was this. You can ask me any 5 questions no matter how personal, inappropriate, dirty or random. I promise to answer the questions 100% truthfully in a screened post for YOU only Ok, so, first off.... it kind of disturbs me that someone would open themselves up for ANYone to ask them ANYthing they want to know about her, and she will just willingly answer them. Second off, you can probably just imagine what kinds of things people are asking her... some of them relate to me, some of them are innocent, but for the most part, most of them are sexual related. one of the most popular ones being how many people have you slept with. i asked her this awhile back, and she didn't want to tell me because it's in the past and she feels that it's not an important question. it's kind of weird that she wouldn't tell a person who she's dating, but yet she has no problem telling anyone else??? I don't know... what do the rest of you feel like? Has anyone ever been in her situation asking this kind of thing, and has anyone been in my sitution? How do you react and feel? I think it kind of takes away the "closeness/specialness" of a relationship when one person is willing to divulge any information/feelings, etc. about you to anyone else. It makes it seem that there's nothing that's very personal about your relationship to make it that much more special. Granted we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, but we are dating exclusively. P.S. she doesn't know that I know about her livejournal... so it's kind of hard for me to even mention this to her if that's the best thing to do... please advise thanks!!!

A buddy of mine is seeing this girl who is living a lie almost. No one really knows much about her. She says that she has her own place to live, although no one has been to her place, and no one knows anyone that lives with her. She is staying with my buddy 24/7, almost living with him. They have been going out for almost a year now. No one has any idea how she has any source of income. I don't think she does and neither does anyone else. My buddy pays for everything of hers, that I know of. Sometimes she mysteriously receives gifts, and she says that they are from her parents. Well, 2 of my g/f's called her parents once to ask them something, and her parents told them that they have not seen or heard from (we'll call her Sara) Sara for a few years. People have said that they have seen her hanging around the U campus a lot (in the past) with a bag full of clothes. She says that she's a student at the U, but you can't find any records of her, not even on the student website where you can find people and their e-mail addresses. Basically, my and a lot of my other friends, who have known Sara for a lot longer time than I have, have no clue about her. She doesn't drive, she doesn't even have an I.D! She just recently moved into a new apartment with her b/f ,and one of my other buddy's. We are all thinking that she is going to basically live there, like she was before. I think this girl is using (we'll call him Jason) Jason for a place to live, and a source of income. I believe that she really likes/loves him, but I guess if you are living a lie then you have to fake that kind of stuff. I guess what I need help with, is this... Jason, we believe, has NO clue about Sara and is totally into her. We don't think that he has any suspiscion about her, or anything. He's the nicest guy I know and would do anything for anyone. I need to know if I should pull him aside sometime and tell him all of this, or if maybe I or some of us should confront "Sara" directly, or what.... I don't want anyone to get hurt, and I don't want to ruin and friendships/relationships.. maybe it isn't even my place to be bringing something like this up.. but I really think that Jason should know. I honestly don't know why he wouldn't be suspicious... since Sara never goes to "her apartment", she doesn't have an ID, she doesn't have a job, she sits at their apartment all day long... all signs lead to her being "homeless". Any ideas/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Hey all, I'm wondering if someone could maybe diagnos what my deal may be. I'm in a weird situation with my ex. We have been broken up for almost a year now, but we still hang out as friends. Well, maybe. A lot of the time I just feel that she is using me for things. She calls when she wants me to take her out, or go out to lunch. I will do better at "keeping my distance" from her but there's one big outstanding issue. About 3 months ago, I lent her $1500. She keep saying that she is going to pay me back, but she has not yet. I know she's not making much money, but the thing is that she says one thing and then it never happens. She told me she would be able to pay me half this month and then the rest next month, but so far, no money. I honestly do believe that she will and wants to pay me back, because if she didn't she would cut all ties with me. The main problem is that I think I may have obsessive compulsive disorder, or maybe some other type of disorder. I am always thinking about her, 24/7. I'm always thinking about what our situation is, what she's doing, why she's acting the way she is, what she's lying about, what she's really "up to", etc. There have been times in the past few months where we have slept together as well. Usually this relates back to the money, or one of us being drunk, but I dont want to get into that right now. I know the sex doesn't mean anything and that she doesn't want to get back together with me, that's not what I'm worried about. I just am constantly thinking about her and what's going on. I am to the point where I keep a log of when I talk to her and when we hang out, trying to see if there is a "pattern" or anything to our "Friendship". Another thing is that when I start to think about her in detail, or think of some of the things that I know about her (relating to other guys) my stomach turns and I almost feel ill, almost like a panic attack. When her and I go out to eat together, I can't eat at all. I get really nervous, my stomach twists and turns and I can't eat, I just lose all of my appetite. Something is wrong with me mentally in regards to her and I can't figure out exactly why this is happening. Also, when we don't talk for a few days, I get all paranoid and think that she is mad at me, or something. We usually do talk every day, or at least text message (SMS) and when she doens't reply back or call me, I get all worried that something is wrong and can't get that out of my head either. I usually break down and ask her what's up why she's not talking to me, but right now I think I am going to hold back from doing that. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions I would really appreciate it, I'm going insane!!! Thanks

I am in a situation where I have a very strong feeling that my ex g/f would get back together with me if I asked her. We have had the most complicated and messed up past 6 months since we broke up I don't even want to explain. Anyways, my current dilema... I have always wanted to get back together with my ex for the longest time until I have found some things that I probably shouldn't have found. Basically, she has told me that she hasnt' been having sex w/anyone else and she had only slept with this one guy since her and I broke up. Well, one time I had found a box of condoms in her dresser drawer and noticed that some were used up, this was a few months ago. That makes sense if she had only slept w/that one guy. Well, just the other day, I looked in the box again, and I saw that there are now 7 condoms used up, so obviously someone has to be using them. I don't know if I can confront her about this or not because 1) I shouldn't have been going through her stuff w/out her permission 2) Maybe someone else other than her has been using them.. she does share a room with someone and also has 2 other roommates. I don't have any "proof" that it was actually her that used them so I can't really confront her about lying to me if I don't know for sure, but I would still like to ask her about it. Another thing, is that she told me that she would never take any "nude" Pictures of herself. Well, I happened to find a picture which looks like it was a half naked picture of her on her camera phone. I don't know for 100% that that's what it was due to the lack of quality, but I am almost sure that it was a half naked picture of her. I would like to ask her about these things because I don't think I would feel comfortable getting back together with her if I don't trust her. But yet again, if I ask her about these things, then she is just going to probably get pi$$ed at me and probably not trust me then either, so it just feels like I'm in a lose lose situation. Any ideas???

Last night my ex called me and was straight up about telling me that she doesn't like me like that anymore and doesn't want to get back together with me. We have been broken up for about 6 months now but throughout the whole time I have gotten a lot of mixed signals from her. Just this last weekend we hung out a lot, and cuddled and were just close. We have kissed a few times and we have slept together twice. We ended up sleeping together this past weekend and she admitted to me that it should never have happened and she wanted to make sure that I wasn't confused by it and that it didn't mean that she likes me. My problem now is that I obviously still have feelings of wanting to be more than friends with her, but she does not. We have been trying to be friends for the past 6 months but there has always been akwardness between us and I think a lot of that is caused because I still have feelings for her. I told her that I may need time of not talking/seeing her so I can get over her 100% but she did not think that is a good idea. I know that I need to do what is right for me and not what she thinks but the reason why she thinks that is because now we have a lot of Mutual friends. I have been talking to/hanging out with her best friend/roommate a lot and with that I have also become good friends with a group of other people that my ex is also friends with. If I were to cut off contact with her, it would not work because we would still talk to/see each other when hanging out with our friends. I'm kind of stuck and not quite sure where to go from here. We both want to honestly be good friends and not have any akwardness between us. She mentioned that she just wants to "start over" and put the past and the bad stuff behind us, and I want to do that too, but it's just hard because I want more than anything to get back together with her. I think I can still be friends with her and all and get over my feelings for her while still being in contact, but I have also been saying that for the past 6 months. I think the problem may be though that we would be "close" at times and I would often get the wrong impression and false hopes and maybe if that stops 100% and she does not let that stuff happen anymore then maybe it will be easier for me to move on and not have those feelings and false hopes anymore. Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What did you do, how did it turn out, what do you suggest I do??

Hey all, here's my situation, any advice would be great!! My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months now. We still talk and hang out as "Friends" even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I am always treating her very nice and almost like she is my g/f even though she is not. She sends me mixed signals at times as well. She shows me affection at times and then later on comes up to an excuse as to why something happened. She also lies to me about her life and what is going on in her life, including her sex life. I know she is having sex and that she has condoms, but she tells me that she's not having sex and that she doesn't even have condoms... I don't get it. The other night I went out with her and her friend to a dance club. At the club she was totally wasted and ended up dancing with and making out with this guy she met there.That hurt and was very hard to watch.... but I dealt with it. After the club her and I went back to her apartment and I took care of her drunk a$$ all night while she puked and stayed with her until the next day until she started to feel better. I am always doing nice things for her, whether it's taking care of her, buying her dinner, making her dinner, etc... but I never get anything in return. Yesterday I just broke down... when I was with her. I want so bad to be with her again but she doesn't want to be with me because of some things that have happened in the past, but there are times that she still does give me mixed signals of affection. It just sucks so bad to love someone and want to give them the world and treat them well when they don't feel the same way for you... It's so hard to deal with, but yet I am still dealing with it. A lot of people say that she just uses me for emotional support, until she finds something "better" that comes along. One of my friends said that I'm her spare tire.... she will pull me out every once in awhile and fill me up with air to make sure that I'm still there, and if she ever gets a flat tire, she will pull me out and put me on for a ride until she gets a new regular tire, and then she will put me back in the trunk. That is how I feel too... I don't know if I need to just cut off contact, or what.. I try to, but it just doesn't work, I keep getting sucked back into her... it's driving me crazy. I know I'm better than this but I just feel that we do belong together and that I do love her still and I really want things to work out. I just wish there was a way that I could show her that things can still work out, but it shouldn't be like that... she should be the one asking me back, not me asking her back... but I'm stuck. I want to be with her so bad it's driving me crazy. I do have other options, other girls that are interested, but I'm sheltering myself from them because I am so confused and messed up over my ex still.... don't know what to do....

I'm in a very tough/weird situation and I don't know what to do. Basically my ex g/f is playing head games with me. When her and I hang out a lot of the time, she is very close to me physically. Not sexually, but holding hands, cuddling, etc. She even invited me last weekend to her parents house for her sisters birthday, and when we were there we were cuddling and holding hands on the couch while her family was around. Later we then went to a movie, and she grabbed my hand and we held hands and cuddled in the movie. The thing is, is that I know she does not like me like that. Her roommate/best friend is telling me a bunch of things about her because I need to know these things. She is telling me stuff about her and other guys, etc. She also had a big talk with my ex last week about how she has to stop leading me on if she doesn't like me and my ex basically just said no i don't like him, i don't know. I don't think that she does like me just because she never has much interest in talking with me or knowing what's going on in my life. It's almost like she doesn't like me, but she is still jealous when she finds out about me and other girls. One big problem of mine is that I always dote to her. Just last weekend she called me at 2:45am for a ride home from a party, and of course stupid me went and got her. I knew right away when my phone rang that it was her and that she was calling because she needed something. I am giving her so much and I'm not even her boyfriend. I will pick her up, I will hang out with her when she calls me, etc. I know I shouldn't do this but sometimes I just wish that maybe it will help me out in getting back with her, but I think I have now finally realized that she is not interested in me and maybe just likes how I treat her. Yesterday she called me and left me a voice mail saying that her rugby game is tomorrow morning, and she was wondering if I could stop by her apartment and pick up her shorts. I just flipped out when I heard that! I can't believe she had the nerve to ask me that. I have not called her back or talked to her since then. My problem is that I know she's just messing with me but I don't know what to do since the only reason I know this is because of her friend. IF it wasn't for her friend telling me the truth about everything I would be completely blind and would keep doting to her and everything. I think I may need to cut off contact or at least minimize it but I wish I could just let everything out with my ex but I can't because that would cause a lot o problems with her and her friend. I just feel that I'm in a bad situation and I'm not sure what to do now. I still like my ex but I know that I can do much better, I just don't know what to do about her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Ok, one more post. Sorry for the multiple posts but I just keep sitting here and thinking and more and more comes to my head. I think the bottom line is that my problem is that she is the only person that I want to have sexual relations with. I honestly would be happy and content if her and I were just "casual sex partners" and not boyfriend/girlfriend. I get jealous over the thought that she is/has messed around with other guys during our time apart. I just want to be one of those people who she would call for a "booty call" or who I could call for a booty call. Now I don't think it is possible or a good idea at least to ask her if she would be ok being casual sex partners? I think she may be distancing herself from me because she still thinks that I am trying to get back together with her, even tho I have not shown any signs of that or said anything on those lines to her regarding that for quite some time. Maybe if I told her that I am over her and don't have feelings for her that maybe that will bring our friendship back together. Before we started going out we were friends for about 9 months, and that is what I really miss. I miss the talking all the time until 2:30am, the flirting, etc. I wish I could have those days back but I know that I can't live in the past and can only move on and make the most out of the future. Are my chances of the above happening better if I stop calling her/writing to her and telling her that I am busy when she wants to hang out?

One other thing that I think about quite often, is that if she really doesn't like me and doesnt want me around or as her friend, then why would she still keep contact with me?? I'm thinking that maybe she doesn't want to, but she keeps doing so hoping that eventually I will make the move and stop talking to her so then she won't have to feel bad and can always blame it on me if it ever comes up. Again I know I shouldn't care whats she thinks but I just can't stop caring....

Thank you both for the advice. I just have to somehow get over this girl and I don't know how. It seems lke me thinking that she's a "bad person" makes me more and more interested in her. And the sad thing is, is that if we can't have a relationship I would still want to be casual sex partners, because she is the only person that I am that attracted to and have any sexual interest in. I have tried dating since the break up and I just can't seem to do it, and when it comes to sexual performance I am not able to be turned on at all with new women. All I can think about all day/night is my ex and I feel like I'm some crazy obsessed guy but I just don't know what to do to get it all to stop. Her friend was only telling me stuff about her because my ex was screwing her over about some things. She even found proof that she was lying about some things. We both feel that she is almost like a pathalogical liar, and she is very two-faced depending on who she talks to. Her friend did mention to me that when my ex would talk about me (after we were broken up) she would never be happy or excited, she would almost down talk me. She also told me that my ex has told her that I am her "substitute boyfriend". My ex calls me after bar close at times because I think she wants to know if I am with someone else or not. This did happen once, she saw me at the club with another girl and it was almost like she got jealous. She called me at 3:30am and left v/m saying that she couldn't sleep. And the last week she called me drunk at 2:30 after bar close, and she is NOT calling me for a booty call. When we are together she always asks who is calling me, or who I'm text messaging, talking to on the computer. But she never asks about how my day was, or what is new with me, or anything like that. The other bad thing is that I am still very nice to her. A few weeks ago she needed money, so what did I do, I borrowed it to her. I am always available when she wants to do something, but she's not always available when I want to do something and I know it should be the other way around. I still treat her like she's my g/f, doing anything for her, giving her foot massages, getting/doing things for her that she needs, etc. Her friend even told me that she thinks that she keeps me around because I am nice to her. I do believe her friend and the things that she is telling me. There's no reason that she would lie and the things she has told me are things that I have had gut feelings about but just didn't know for sure. A few weeks ago my ex and I were hanging out a lot and some of the times we would hold hands while shopping, and then we would watch a movie and she would cuddle with me, and I would cuddle back. These things seemed to have stopped lately and I think it's because she knows that I am catching on to her game. Her friend asked her once why she is "leading me on" and her response was that it's not her fault that I can't control my own emotions. I guess my problem is is that all signs are pointing that she doesn't have much interest in me. But stupid me keeps saying that it's just a phase that she's going to and there will be a time when reality hits and she realizes that these other guys are just using her for sexual things, and that she passed up on me, a great guy who really did love her and is willing to still love her. I don't want to cut all contacts with her because I would miss her company even though that may be the right thing to do. I know I need to concentrate on mysel and move on but it's just sooo hard I feel so stupid that I haven't moved on yet and still get hurt from things but I really don't know what to do to move on. This sounds really bad, but I think a lot of why I can't is due to sexual reasons. I still do want to have sex with her, and I know I probably shouldn't hang out with her, but I think I do in hopes that maybe something like that will happen, even tho it never does. I am probably just crazy and insane and need professional help but I thought I would start here first.

Ok, I am going insane and don't know what to do. Or maybe I do know but just don't want to. I was dumped by my ex about 5 months ago. I can still not get over her to this day. We still talk and hang out as "friends", although it seems like our friendship isn't really that great. We hang out, but she never seems to have much interesting in talking to me or having much of a conversation. I kind of feel that I am "bothering" her when we talk and I don't like that feeling. My big problem is, is that I know she has been "fooling" around with at least a few guys since our breakup. It is pretty obvious that she doesn't have any interest in being with me or having any type of physical relationship with me, at this time at least. I am still completely attracted to her. In the past 2 weeks, I have found out a lot of stuff about her, which I probably shouldn't know. Her best friend/roommate has told me a lot of stuff about her. Basically that she lies a lot, she's not a good girlfriend, she uses people for things, she always needs to be the center of attention, she always has to be in control of situations, she doesn't ever like talking about her problems, etc. Most of these things I already knew but not all of them. The stuff she told me really bothers me. She told me some stuff about her past too, but I can't really let that get to me since it was over a few years ago and people can change. My problem is that I still of course would want to be with her, even after knowing all of these things. My friends tell me that I have to move on, and stop talking to her. I would like to confront her about the things that I know about her but I can't since it was her friend who told me and I don't know if confronting her about it would do any good anyways. If I ask my ex about the stuff, she always lies and denies it of course (She says I'm still the last person she had sex with, which I know isn't true). It hurts that she lies to me like this, but I can understand why since I'm her ex b/f and it's not any of my business. The other thing is that I think she has some self-esteem issues and some other issues that are really confusing her in life and I would like to try and help her, but I can't because of our situation. What I need to know is, is it best to just give up and do my best to move on, or should we remain friends, or what? I am not really sure how to cut contacts with her because we are still "Friends" and if I were to do that, she would make me out as the "bad guy" and would never admit that it has anything to do with her. I know that I shouldn't care what she thinks but I still do. I myself have some self-esteeem and depression issues that I am taking care of and I am sure that this has something to do with what/how I think about her. I am the type of person who wants to love and give everything I have to make someone else happy, even if they are not doing the same in return to me. Please help!!!

Ok everyone, I need some advice or tips here.... This is pretty embarrassing, but I'd like to see if anyone has any good ideas. I have never been able to orgasm from receiving oral sex. (I am male). I have had it numerous times and it feels GREAT, but I just can't get "into it". I can lay there and it feels wonderful, but I just never get the "build up" like I do when having sex. I have also never been able to get off from a hand job. I can get myself to orgasm easily with masturbation, but if a female tries, same thing as the BJ situation, no go, or blow (ha ha). Also I have never been able to get off with the girl on top "riding" me. This is great a lot of the time, especially for the female, but I just wonder what is wrong with me?? I don't know if I have some type of control issue, or what. If I am on top, I have no problem getting off. I also have no problem getting off doing it doggy style. It seems like when someone else is in control, I can't get off but I just don't know what my problem is. Any ideas/suggestions?? One other thing is that I seem to be really infactuated with my ex that I am not able to get turned on by other people. We have been broken up now for 4 months but still see each other, but we don't do anything sexually. I am still totally sexually attracted to her and get turned on very easy just by being with her or thinking of her. I have been in situations making out with females that are not her and I can't even seem to get turned on at all. Sucks!! Any ideas/suggetions about this would be great. Thanks!

I need help getting out of this box that my ex girlfriend is still a great person and that I would still do anything for her. The thing is that we are still friends and hang out, etc. even though she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. Recently we have held hands and cuddled on the couch while watching movies, and even one night she stayed at my house over night and we just cuddled. No kissing/making out/sex, but just being close physically. Of course I am hoping that it means something, but she just says that's all it is and that it worries her when I am hoping that it means something. Basically there are a lot of signs from her, and a lot of things I have found out from her roommate/best friend that she is just playing head games with me and that I am kind of her "substitute boyfriend". Apparently this is even the term that she used with her best friend. The other weird thing is that when she hangs out with me, she always says she's happy and that she has a good time, etc. but when she talks to her friend about me she always like "down talks" me, like she doesn't want to be hanging out with me, etc. I don't get it. On another note, we know for a fact that she is lying about some things about paying some bills. We think that she may be lying about a lot of things, but we just don't know at this point. Basically I am learning that she is not this great person that I thought she is, but I can't seem to get over her. I am still being really nice to her and borrowing her money, etc. and I *know* that I can't be doing this but I don't know what to do. My friends say that I need to get her out of my life because she is just causing me all kinds of mental problems, but I can't seem to get her out because I still think she's the most attractive person ever and I can't see myself being with anyone else. I have tried dating people and it hasn't worked out because of the situation with my ex. Basically I don't want to think that I'm obsessed with her, but maybe I am?? I really don't know what to do or how to get her out of my life, or even if that is the best thing to do right now.

I am wondering if anyone can give me some advice here. I have been single now for almost 4 months. Ex broke up with me and I still love her and want to be with her. I know I need to move on and take care of myself, so that is what I have been doing. Friends have told me to go out and start dating, so I have decided to take that advice. I met a girl and we have spent some time together. She is really into me, but I can't seem to get into her. I can't get my ex out of my head. This is interfering with my communications to her (verbal and non-verbal) and I also know that it would interfere sexually. I can't seem to be sexually aroused by any girl other than my ex, or if I am engaged with another girl I am still thinking about my ex. I don't know how to get her out of my mind!?!? My friends tell me that I am in this box, because I think my ex is the most attractive person in the world and the best person ever and they disagree and say I can do much better, but of course I don't agree. My ex and I still talk and hang out as friends. That may be part of the problem why I can't stop thinking about her, but I really don't want to kill our friendship. The other night I was at her house, and I had thought that I saw a condom in her trash. I paniced. I didn't say anything to her but probably would have it it was a condom, but stupid be looked closer and it turned out not to be one. Just the thought of her sleeping with someone else drove me insane. I got all shaky, my heart started racing really fast, and I couldn't talk w/out my voice shaking. I hate feeling like this. I believe that my ex is the one and I love her more than anything and it seems impossible for me to get 100% over her although I would like to start meeting new people if that is my only option. It is just hard for me to meet new people and have a good time when I'm constantly thinking about my ex.

Hey all, I'm curious about something... Do you think people would rather want to be in a relationship during the summer months when it's hot out and there's always stuff to do, or during the cold winter months? I am from MN so this probably doesn't apply to everyone. It seems that around here, during the winter people want to be with someone and when summer comes around they want to be single 'cuz they can go out and there's always something to do. Some of my friends agree, other disagree so I thought I would see what everyone else thinks??