Boys, do you prefer to network with mostly other males

[CaptainPlanet]

I am not a professional but I am yet to know of a girl who has been able to help me find gainful employment.

 

I have gotten jobs as the result of male friends but never females friends.

 

What are my girly friends going to do, they work at bars and things, 'hey can you hire my friend', 'ok whats she like'... 'its a he'.. disapointment.

[Lucy_lou]

everything revolves around "leaders" and who you can get it in with. Networking is important but it seems to me that you are too much focused on that as if your whole career depends on it.

 

Hey Crazyaboutdogs, no not everything revolves around 'leaders.' or getting in with the right group. That is the focus of this thread (not my job), and it's as a result of me being excluded from the outset.

 

I DID NOT ASK IF YOU THINK I HAVE ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME. I'M TRYING TO GAIN A PERSPECTIVE ON A KIND OF BEHAVIOUR IN OTHERS I HAVE OBSERVED.

 

I started this post, and started to feel anger and resentment AFTER I was excluded. I had nothing but good intentions and I am very much for cameraderie. But when you get excluded more than others, you start to consider the consequences of such things to your career, and wonder if being an outsider will be detrimental. The experience of exclusion has made me think about things like networking more than usual, because it's now being deprived of me. Please, no more personal attacks.

[CaptainPlanet]

Net working at uni only matters if you are networking with a potenital employer. At employment fairs or whatever you call them.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I was not attacking you, I was simply trying to help you see another perspective. Given your attitude on this thread with people trying to help you and you getting bent out of shape, perhaps you should think about HOW you are interacting with people and your colleagues so that they end up shutting you out. I will not respond any longer to this thread because I sense hostility in you and I can now understand what may be going on at the workplace. Myself and others on this thread are trying to help, not trying to attack you...helping doesn't always mean saying "yes you are right and everyone else is horrible"...true help is also when you encourage someone to look within themselves and see what they can possibly do to change their behaviours to get a more favourable outcome.

[dragon111]

Well i'm studying in a field where there are few females, i interact with them just as i do with the males.

 

However, there will always be a difference with some people because females and males are generally different. Also if a male interacts with a female other males sometimes thinks there is more to it than discussions about work (as do the females sometimes- just my experience). Perhaps people of the same sex just feel more comfortable speaking to eachother because they can relate more, i think it was a woman who wrote the book women are from venus and men are from mars.

 

Some people are quite sexist, one person i know hates the fact that this other person is more intelilgent and said to me "it makes it especially bad because she is a girl, a girl shouldn't be better than us, that's really annoying" or something along those lines, now i'm sure he is an exception to the majority (being an old-fashioned british-type, the kind of person who probably has a family estate where he goes fox-hunting and the like)

[Lucy_lou]

..true help is also when you encourage someone to look within themselves and see what they can possibly do to change their behaviours to get a more favourable outcome.

 

Hello crazyaboutdogs. I know I am getting overly defensive. It just happens that in this instance I don't want to be talking about me an how I am behaving too much. That's stuff for another thread. This is about what I have observed and I am trying to get perspective on that. Thanks

[JadedStar]

I was not attacking you, I was simply trying to help you see another perspective. Given your attitude on this thread with people trying to help you and you getting bent out of shape, perhaps you should think about HOW you are interacting with people and your colleagues so that they end up shutting you out. I will not respond any longer to this thread because I sense hostility in you and I can now understand what may be going on at the workplace. Myself and others on this thread are trying to help, not trying to attack you...helping doesn't always mean saying "yes you are right and everyone else is horrible"...true help is also when you encourage someone to look within themselves and see what they can possibly do to change their behaviours to get a more favourable outcome.

 

She is right Lucy....i know you don't want to make this thread about you, but if YOU are having a hard time with others on the job and you feel you are intentionally being excluded, don't you think that you HAVE to look at your attitude and what you type of vibe you are giving off to see if perhaps that is part of the problem?

 

Whenever i have felt that others are avoiding me or not inviting me to join in on their reindeer games I first look to see if i am putting out a standoffish vibe or what not before assuming it's all their problem.

[Lucy_lou]

yeah, but I've only just started and I'm not putting out anything standoffish or anything negative. I don't want to talk about my behaviour too much on this one because it will get the topic diverted too much. I am perfectly capable of being introspective if necessary (I do it on here all the time. I usually love talking about me and my issues, and believe me I know I have a few), but in this instance, I've started a job with a positive attitude of co-operation and goodwill. I don't want to go into it in detail too much because I would like people's views on the phenomenon of male bonding and the exclusion of women, which I observed really early on. (refer to original post). Oh well, I guess I've ruined it myself by responding too often. I should have just let opening post speak for itself and stand back. Next time.

 

Cheers

[JadedStar]

As I mentioned in a prior post male bodning on the job does occur a lot and often they will exclude the women in their area. This isn't as bad as it was a decade ago, but it still happens. I'd challenge anyone who says it doesn't.

 

Thing is it never bothered me because I am not looking to be a part of their rituals. I got ahead in the workforce rather rapidly but it wasn't because I hobknobbed with certain people in hopes that this type of "schmoozing" would lend me some favors.

 

I think you are saying that you feel you might not climb the ladder as quickly if you are not a part of certain circles at work - forgive me if i have that wrong, that is what it sounds like. I do not believe this is necessary. I never did it and climbed the ladder pretty quickly. It takes ALL kinds of perosnalities in the workforce. I was more straightforward and spent most of my energy on my work and mentoring others once I landed a leadership role myself.

[Gath]

We're not intentionally forming boys clubs, but people network with who their friends are, and guys typically have more in common and are more likely to make friends with other guys. Guys are also far less likely to get mad at you and make up stories about sexual harassment.

[poloplayer]

I agree with what someone said about leaders - leaders is who I go to, regardless of gender. When I started working out of college, I followed the expectations of my manager and other direct senior folks, but I didn't look up to them as mentors - I looked up to their managers and learned from them. By 25 I was working alongside a VP and dealing with directors. I am still learning and networking with these folks', but I have begun to look up to executives and try to pick their brains every now and then and learn from their actions and behaviors; what are they doing and thinking that makes them so successful.