very flaky girl friend. loves me? or the idea of me?

[blink_guy]

ahh so heres quite a lnog story. my girlfriend and i ahve been going out for almost 4 months now. we ahve been best friends for about a year and a half. we have been doing great on every aspects of our relationship: trust, honesty, intimacy, excitement and spontanousity(grammar/spelling?) except for one part. she is very very unreliable. when we are together everyting is perfect. just perfect to the finest points but making plans with her is very hard. its like she likes spending time with me but she wont go to very great efforts to hang out with me unless the chips just roll into place on there own. here are some examples:

we were supposed to watch our school team play basket ball together later that night but then she threw up once and she told me she couldnt go cause she was sick. so i said alright tahts ok you just stay at home and try to feel better. i told her i was completely ok and that its not her fault for being sick which really isnt but thats just the first night. so we reschedualed to the day after and we were supposed to watch a movie and she ended up saying she couldnt cause her best girlfriend was in a play and it was the last night and she had promised to watch. so i told her it was ok and that we could hang out the day after. she said she was sorry and i understood where she was coming from but i couldnt help but feel annoyed. quite annoyed. then the next day we were supposed to go to our staff party then a movie. but then her brother was having a birthday party(her brother is 8 so she had to watch for them. so she couldnt hang out after the party. and i said ok you go take care ofyour brothers we can hang out some other time. but the thing is her mom was home as well. and that was just last week. and even though that was the worst of times all together i just get really frustrated and annoyed when it happens! she always seems to have a good excuse but i still cant help feeling annoyed. so im thinking of talking to her about it. just saying like "i know your a busy girl but i wish you would just put a lil more commitment in our plans" or something. with out any aggression. but sometimes i cant help but think that 1)she just doesnt care but then that feeling vanishes because well we did both loose our virginity to eachother and i can jsut tell she loves me when were together because just the way she acts. or 2)she loves me but not enough to really put an effort in. what should i do??

[hmdreamer7]

I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel the way you're feeling, especially since those were events that you had previously planned with each other. So she knew that it was coming up. But then she doesn't say anything until the last minute? Why don't you sit down and speak to her about your feelings. Let hew know that you would appreciate it if she could tell you if she has another committment before making a promise to other plans.

[boomshanks]

you should talk to her about it because if you dont it will be pent up frustration and annoyance and it might go badly at the end

[Russ]

I've had this experience. For me, it turned out that the girl was simply testing to see how much I would be willing to accommodate to her plans. Don't see it as a weakness to accommodate to her plans.

 

Alot of those plans seem like they can include you. The above posters already have told you to speak with her, but I personally know that rarely does that ever work. Four months isnt always the stage where you can openly 'speak' with someone.

 

The first incident, you can always just come over for moral support. It wasn't anything contagious. If you take care of her while she's sick, that gives major points for you in her eyes. Shows her that you wont ditch her over anything small.

 

The second incident, why not go watch the play with her? Im sure she wouldn't have declined, and you'd have gotten a chance to meet her friend. Friends of the girlfriend are gold.

 

The third incident, unless it was a family event, you could always have come over for moral support once again. I find it hard to imagine that she'd be having the time of her life babysitting a bunch of 8-year-olds having fun.

[blink_guy]

well i just dont want to go in an barge in with her plans. like i dont want to just show up. im sure she wouldnt mind but i dont want to ask her if i can do everything with her.

[Sunshine75]

The problems she had with getting together with you seem reasonable although unfortunate.

 

Maybe if you try to schedule things a week or more in advance you'll have a better chance of catching her before she makes other plans?

 

If you still have problems even after she's agreed that far in advance then you may need to have a sit down talk with her so she knows how you feel.

[blink_guy]

yaa thats the thign. she always has a reasonable excuse so i cant really get mad at her for being sick or for her brother having a birthday party or w/e. but its just annoying. maybe i will stick it through for a while longer and see wahts going on then

[v-neck]

ahhhhh high school love, this is the beginning of it all my man Give a girl some room, and let her miss you some. I drowned a girl with calls and bs when I was 18 and she hated me. If you guys are gorwing apart do know that you're young (as much as I hated to hear that), but it's true. You got a life ahead of you man, don't do what I did and base your good years on a certain girl, have fun, be careful don't get too too serious right now, you both have big things ahead of you, U can bet on it...

 

`v-neck

[ghost69]

be aloof with her a bit. let her wonder why you aren't pining over her so much. be like 'well, i make plans and they fall through. so now i'm like ehhh.' let her know that you are upset about this. that's what i'd do.