[Proposed] email to ex

[NO1GR8r]

 

We both made mistakes, and I believe that together we can fix them if we work on it together. I would like to. This is not a good time to turn our backs on a good thing, a rare one. So hear me now: I love you. I respect you. I miss you. I screwed up; let's be honest, we screwed up. I refuse to lead a life of regret. I will do anything, short of sacrificing the essential parts of who I am, to make amends. This is all just too important and too precious to do anything less."

 

I would go with this - as I edited your e-mail. if you stick with the impartiality of it all, and not condemn her for her part and make yourself part of the equation, I should work. Short and to the point. Good luck.

 

As a matter of fact, I am going to use it for mine as well. Thanks -- LOL

[Pinkbunny]

Although the email sounds great, but I don't think you should contact her right away. However, I do think she might be afraid to contact you, if you don't initiate contact first. Some of the responses on here claim she should contact you and ask you about your feelings. I disagree with those responses. She might not contact you and the reason could be that she is hurt still or afraid. NC from her does not mean it was easy for her to break up with you!! Dont ASSUME anything! Also I don't think you are making up excuses for her! Take time to think this through and when you find out what is right in your heart, do it. Life is too short to live by the rules of others.

[blender]

life is too short to not live within standards of truth and self respect and repect for others and thier space. Right now it's not about "what SHE is feeling, or what SHE wants, it's more about the fact that he is still hurting and too emotionally vulnerable to put himself out there while she is clearly NOT making any effort to contact him.

 

Even if it's "not easy" for her to do so, I think he (our OP) knows that if she really was ready to try again right now, that she would in fact find some way to let him know..

 

he knows her, and he knows himself, he's not "living by the rules of others" he's simply taking a mature step to reflect, consider other perspectives, and take it slow BEFORE he feels the need to get a temporary fix of taking charge only to feel left reeling emotionally afterwards...

 

so for now it seems he's stated here that he feels it's best for HIM to wait... after he's sought a few different perspective on this site, and his own considered feelings, he's come to the conclusion for today that it's best to let it go for the moment... that seems to be what is healing, attractive and empowering for HIS "rule/choice" for today.

 

And of course he always has the option to "re-act to his urgency" and reach out to her, but that's always a tough one, because you have to be really emotionally ready to deal with what it is you "put out there" and the response it gets or lack of response... and for right now he's willing to respectfully give her some time..and more importantly give himself a chance to heal a bit, BEFORE he chooses to make any contact..

 

Silence sometimes says so much more than any words... the silence speaks loudly in terms of: "I respect your choice, you know where to reach me if you want to talk, I'm mature enough to accept that you are "not ready" for an "us" for today". And you show this by leaving the ex to live with the consquences of thier CHOICE to end the relationship and no longer have YOU in thier life... and then they have the precious opportunity to discover if they want to reach out to you.... and if they want to, they will...meanwhile you are healing, growing, regaining your sense of self and are more prepared for a reconciliation, or for a new love.

[glimmerofhope]

Although the email sounds great, but I don't think you should contact her right away. However, I do think she might be afraid to contact you, if you don't initiate contact first. Some of the responses on here claim she should contact you and ask you about your feelings. I disagree with those responses. She might not contact you and the reason could be that she is hurt still or afraid. NC from her does not mean it was easy for her to break up with you!! Dont ASSUME anything! Also I don't think you are making up excuses for her! Take time to think this through and when you find out what is right in your heart, do it. Life is too short to live by the rules of others.

 

In principle, I agree with much of what you say here, pinkbunny. It's just such a delicate matter that I think the wrong move could spell disaster.

 

I'm sick of the waiting game, but at the same time I don't want act capriciously, knowing how much is at stake and how tenous the situation is at the moment.

[blender]

Yes, it is a precious thing to contact, so you are being self respecting and respecting of her to wait, and realize that your heart too is at stake here, and waiting is a way of letting some of the "sting" to subside for both of you... it takes a while, and the more breathing room you both have, well the more clear you will both be thinking, and that is always a good thing.

 

Trust that the "Waiting game" is not as difficult as the "no response, or rejection" part.. so take time to regain your sense of self and know you can always contact her when you feel more emotionally ready fully to accept whatever response it might provoke... and try not to think of it as a "waiting game" but instead think of it as "healing time".

[John Bendix]

Glimmer,

 

I think that you know how I see this. When it comes to contacting the X during a "No-Contact" phase in the way that you have described, please be assured that there will be very little chance of response.

 

The emotional wall that the other partner has created (you even mentioned how you had to "pull teeth" before) forbides anything emotional from getting through. She probably senses her own vulnerbility in regards to you and will not accept what you have to express. My own X, during her episodes, went so far as to tell me straight off that she did not believe or trust me though I had never given her a reason to feel that way. She later denied even saying this.

 

My biggest frustration was not being able to communicate with her. It either turned irrational (another defense mechanism) or she simply shut down. Literally, she just stared at the wall for up to a minute while I waited her reply which was usually a hurtful remark or a pat answer. I have seen this frustration continuing even in No-Contact mode.

 

Do what makes sense to you and just accept the outcome no matter what it is.

[glimmerofhope]

Maybe I flatter myself in still thinking of myself as a rational actor in all this, John. I think she is capable of being rational, too, but maybe not right now, and perhaps never within the context of our relationship.

 

For now, I will let sleeping dogs lie. I have enough on my plate without having to worry myself silly over things over which I have little or no control. Still, I have made a conscious decision to move on with my life, but not to pursue any other relationships until I have a firmer grasp on what the hell happened here.

[blender]

Glimmer, You've really thought this through and seem to be choosing a mature, classy approach to focusing on your own life for today, this will prove to be the gift that heartache provides.. it's an opportunity to grow in so many ways.. and it will attract good things, and new love into your life, maybe even someday with the ex, but for right now you're doing the right thing for YOU...and that has a domino effect in all areas of ones life.. working through your own self discovery and issues BEFORE leaping at trying to bring another into your life.. good for you.. best, Blender