I'm so depressed and sad... Same Time different year.

[robert7x]

It seems that December is the worst for me... Last year my Girl of 5 years left to another country and never came back... i thought my world was going to end. Then i contacted the girl that i thought was married by now and all, well luckily she wasn't. We started dating, later she moved to my state to be with me, we got our own place etc.

 

8 months later... December again, she makes up a story about her grandpa dying and needs to go to Germany, but first she wants to move back to her state and live with her parents because she just misses them too much. She tells me she still loves me and all and when she comes back we'll see what to do. I even drove her back to her state 15hr drive and spent 2 days there with her and her parents and all was ok...

 

She left to germany 4 days ago... At the time i started investigating about why is she really going there etc... turns out there is nothing wrong with her grandpa... She told her parent nothing, just that she is going there, doesn't know when she'll be back and that's it. I know she has family there that she loves... mostly cousins etc... There is also this one guy that is about 7 or so years older then her and he was kind of friend of the family since back when she was born... She always told me that he's like a family and all that crap.

 

Well i think that she went there to try and be with him or something like that... I have no proof of this, but i know she always talked to that guy and stuff and maybe they are just friends, but i think there is more... She texted me yesterday, continuing with her lies and at the end "love you a lot"

 

I don't know what to say to all this other then i'm in a lot of pain as it's december, holiday season and i'm hurting like crazy. All these emotions and memories of both relationships just crumble down on me. Friends are telling me, you need to let it go and move on, don't be a wait around guy etc. BUT I JUST CAN'T LET GO. I love this girl too damn much. I didn't reply back to her, nor do i want to tell her i know all this...

 

I have no interest in anything, i can't work, i can't find a hobby that i can actually do. I spend couple of minutes with friends and then again i'm in the whole Depressed mood. I'm afriad of never finding someone again... i'm 25 and time is just ticking away... Someone please give me advice, some kind of guidence... anything to get me out of this phase.

 

Thank you very much.

[need2bme]

First, we all know how you feel.

 

Second, you are right. You ARE 25 and time IS ticking away. So, tell yourself that. Do you want to be 40 and still pining gover the same girl?

 

I don't mean that you can just wake up and not love her; believe me. What I am saying is that you simply need to tell yourself, that you are 25 and time is ticking away.

 

Then, tell yourself that you found the first girl and then the second.

 

I know it is hard man. I miss my ex like crazy. It was so good and I know we could have been good. I was ready to take care of her and her kids in my heart and in my mind and I would have done it.

 

In reality, I would have had to make a LOT of changes in my life, in order to do so. I am not saying I wouldn't have, but it would have been tough.

 

Think about reality (trust me, I will be back on probably whining about how much I miss her), but try and think about reality and KNOW that you are worth more than paltry texts, every now and then.

 

Damnit, I treated my ex well and when I didn't, it was usually due to non communication. However, as my son would say, I NEVER put her down AND she was ALWAYS first.

 

If you can say that, then realize that you are a good person and learn from this and try to remember that reality is still here and that you are 25 and time is ticking away.

[robert7x]

I realized that last time when i was 24 and i felt like crap then... year later i'm feeling like crap again...

 

I treated this girl like a Queen. She had anything that she wanted.... but i guess it wasn't enough as she is still stuck in the whole Partying scene and stuff that i am really not...

 

I know i'm a good guy... I love her a lot, i hugged her and held her whenever she felt sad, i gave her whatever she needed, I was there for her when she needed me to be, helped her with any problems that she had, Bought stuff that she wanted, Pretty much was a guy that would do anything for a girl...

 

But it looks like some girls don't like that at all... She needed more or something else.

 

It's been 4 days since the last time she heard from me. I know she's having a great time and i'm feeling alone, lonely and depressed. Even though we haven't officially broke up... a relationship is definetely affected a lot.

 

I keep telling myself to enjoy life and do something that i want to do... but Right now with the holidays and stuff, i just don't FEEL LIKE IT. I feel like i just want to sit on the couch and think until i go crazy. I just want to know what happened here... how can a person keep telling me she loves me, cries how much she misses me etc... and then lie and leave me... How can a normal human being act like that...

[mca1975]

hi robert, please dont feel bad, everyoe has the right to break up with someone if they want to. she has that right, you have that right to. she maybe did not feel that you were suited, it doesnt have to be anything to do with you or how you are. some people just are not right for each other...

[shell80]

Hey Robert. I completely understand how you are feeling. For me this December is like de ju vu...this time last yr I was nursing a broken heart, starting again and moving, and this yr, the exact same thing. The difference though is that I have found this forum this time round and have dealt with things better and had more support.

 

We just have to be positive though....and look forward to 2008. I refuse to go thru this again, and this time next yr will be different. You have to believe the same for you too...

 

Please dont stress too much....25 is very young! I know time flies, but in the scheme of things, you have plenty of time. I assume you refer to finding someone to settle down with? Unfortunately we cant really control who we meet and who falls for us too....so just try not to think about it too much. Concentrate on you right now...your dreams and ambitions outside of a relationship. Life will be easier and more rewarding if you make yourself happy first and dont rely on someone else for the moment...

[robert7x]

thanks a lot for you reply and advice... I so want to focus on myself and do all that, but as you know it's really hard. Last night i went to bed really early hoping to just pass the time quicker...

 

All night i kept waking up and thinking about how she's probably happy with someone else now... all the plans we had together and all that and it's all gone... you're definetely right about stress and all, because i'm loosing my hair at 25 and my whole body is in the stress stage that i can't eat, i'm always cold and all other weird stuff is happening.

 

I definetely want to find someone to settle down and stop these stupid games and all... The problem is i get attached to a relationship very easy and then i would pretty much do anything just to stay in it... I know that's wrong and this time i started first the NC because it's been 5 days and even though she only texted me once, i didn't try to text her or reply to her at all...

 

I'm not good with controlling my mind and taking focus off of the break-up and focusing on myself and all that... I can actually do that for maybe 2-3minutes tops, then back to obsessing about how i lost her and i'll be all alone for the rest of my life... Does anyone know if hypnosis or something else can help?

[v-neck]

25 isn't old brotha', i just turned 31 and starting to feel a bit , well 'old'... you have time. I read the average person these days getting married is 35... makes sense with careers and longer life spans.

[robert7x]

I guess what's making me feel old is that all the friends and people around me are getting married, engaged and all that... They are all under 25.

 

I thought i had the girl that wants what i want. We even talked about getting married and family and all... Then one day, she makes up a story about her grandpa, and says she wants to move back to her parents in texas and then go visit grandpa in Germany.

 

I still don't know what happened... the only thing i can come up with is that this Guy that's a long-time friend of hers that she talks to might have invited her there and/or maybe more... What makes no sense is, why not break up with me then and move on, why tell me that you love me, miss me, cry at the airport as you leave and tell me that as soon as you come back you'll come to see me? Why do all that, why give me hope? Why make me wait and ponder if it's over or not over?

 

Then send me a pittifull text message saying that you are there and you love me a lot. That's a lot of Why's and only she knows the answer...

[robert7x]

It's 12:30 here and i can't sleep... I haven't slept normal for 5 days now. I fell asleep for an hour then i wake up and my mind wanders... then like that till morning when i just wake up for the day.

 

I just wish everything was back to normal... I'm still having hard time accepting that i'll never be with her again. I'm still hoping for some kind of miracle and praying that everything will be fine... When i look around this place... there really isn't a girl in this town i'd want to be with. I had something special and i lost it for reasons unknown to me...

 

I think who ever said "it's better to have loved and lost then not loved at all" is full of Sh*t. I so disagree with that phrase... I would rather not loved at all because then i wouldn't have to go thru this pain, then feel like this and think that my life has ended with her.

[shell80]

Hey Robert mate...I'm really sorry you are going thru this. To be blunt it just sucks...and you just have to live thru it. Please don't worry about those around you who are all coupled up and married. THEY are far too young for that marriage malarchy....anyone under 27 is a child bride in my books and too immature (im open to criticism on that point!

 

I too thought my latest ex was the one...and then he just vanished, and I still don't know what happened. Like you I did my head in coming up with every possible explaination for his behaviour....ie first I thought he died in a hot air balloon disaster, then I thought he was bipolar and suffered from multiple personality disorder, and finally I thought he got eaten by his ex girlfriend's rabid cat! I don't know what the answer is....except that he is a prat, and treated me horribly and not worthy of my love anymore.

 

That is my resolution and closure. You have to think that way too..is she loved you she would be with you now and would never dream of letting you go. I know it is really hard to accept that....but that is what it boils down to.

[robert7x]

i always thought that i'll get married when i'm 27... but since i met her, i wanted to get married right away... she felt the same at first, then later changed...

 

I don't know why i want to get married at all... i guess i just want that reassurance that i won't end up alone... but then again, not even marriage promises that since there are divorces...

 

The more i think about it... no matter how many little anoying things she had and stuff, i would still love to be with her... I just love her too much and it's really hard for me to let go... I'm still in the denial stage

[shell80]

Thats ok....but you will get there. I promise...from the experience of an 'old'

27 yr old! It just takes the cliche of time to get thru it.

 

You cant plan stuff like this my friend.... relationships come and go, and while you might like to meet your bride by 27...it just doesn't work like that. What you can control however, is your career, travels and all of those dreams and ambitions that YOU have....

 

You cant rely on other people for your happiness as you can't control other people and what they will do.

[robert7x]

I understand. However as we all know, when something like this happens, you loose interest in your career or anything else for that matter.

 

6 days today... haven't heard from her at all, nor did i try to contact her... I so want to, but i don't think it will resolve anything, nor would she even tell me anything. New years is tomorrow and i wander how did i get to this situation again. She'll be celebrating with God knows who, and i'll probably stay at home.

 

Every morning hurts more and more...