Dating again is not for me

[lost_for_words]

So, last night (6 weeks after my break up) I go out with an old (male) friend.

 

He's someone I used to hook up with from time to time a few years back, but we were never an actual couple.

The evening was pleasant enough, we had a long chat about what we've been up to over the years, and although it wasn't a proper date as such, I was treating like one to see how things went.

 

So, as I say, we had a nice evening, but nothing about it felt right. We met at 7.30pm and by 9pm I just wanted to come home. There's only one person I want to out on a date with, and that wasn't him.

 

I'm supposed to be going out with a female friend tomorrow night, so am wondering if it was just the 'date' situation that felt wrong, or whether its going out in general that I'm not comfortable with.

 

Anyway - to make matters worse, I couldn't stop myself from texting my ex when I got back home. Just to say Hi and see how he's doing. He replied straight away, and we exchanged pleasantries, I said goodnight and got into bed.

 

5 minutes later he texts me again, to tell me about something that had happened on a tv show that he knows I watch - I tell him I didn't know that had happened, I was out this evening so hadn't watched it. Then he asks questions about who I was with, asking if it was anyone he knows, etc.

I was fairly vague with my replies - told him it was no-one he knew and that I'd just been out for a few drinks.

 

Then he says, 'Well its none of my bl***y business anyway, so good luck with all of that'

 

Its like he's getting jealous that I'm going out and making new friends - but at the same time I know he doesn't want me back. The whole thing is messing with my head a little bit, but I'm not feeling too upset about it, just confused to his reaction.

 

Needless to say - I won't be going out on any more dates in the foreseeable future, it obviously wasn't the right thing to do just yet.

[auburnslp]

Sounds like that's the case-you're not ready.

 

The contact with the ex, if there is no chance for reconciliation, is going to make your healing take MUCH longer than it normally would. Just my thoughts.

[love4life]

I wouldn't rule out dating again. Just don't put pressure on yourself. Don't think that any guy you go out with has to be your future husband. And don't expect him to be just like your ex. Just have fun and realize that there's a man who finds you attractive. Let yourself really absorb that feeling of what it's like to be desirable again.

 

I started dating again just before Thanksgiving and have been out with 4 guys. Each one was different. After one, I really disliked him so much that I came home and cried. But I told myself that giving up was not the right thing to do.

 

If nothing else, you'll start to feel better with the distraction of various men showing interest.

 

I will say that guy #4 has definite possibilities. I came back from our second date yesterday and all I could do was think about him and realize that he has some very good qualities that my ex didn't have. I'm feeling like a smittenkitten! Even if things don't work out with him, I feel like I've reached a turning point in that I know I can feel attracted to someone else - someone who I have more in common with - and that, really, my ex is not a good match for me.

[itsallgrand]

I think it might have been a bit soon. And, honestly, I think the mistake you made was to go to someone who you had been with before.

 

Haven't we all gone through "the list" of all the possible men we can turn to after a break-up? Old hook-ups, men who might have shown interest before, even old boyfriends!

 

But I think it's a mistake to go that route other than in your head, at least when you are still healing and starting to date again.

 

You'll be fine and will be ready to date again when you are ready. Go out and have fun with your friends! Make new ones, do all the things you have been wanting to do.

 

I firmly believe folks aren't ready to date again anyways until they are at least done with their ex. You are still contacting him. Finish one thing before trying to go on to another and expecting it to work out, y'know?