i cracked. im an idiot.

[vouge_idea]

this site is the only thing keeping me sane right now. its barely 10pm here. he has the entire night ahead of him.......................

[wiser]

this site is the only thing keeping me sane right now. its barely 10pm here. he has the entire night ahead of him.......................

 

You need to direct your thoughts away from what he is doing. Hope's idea was a good one. Bundle up and get out there. Breathe some cold frosty air and clear your head.

 

You will be amazed at what a change of atmosphere can do for you.

[Hope75]

this site is the only thing keeping me sane right now. its barely 10pm here. he has the entire night ahead of him.......................

 

How much longer will you torture yourself before you realize that someone who loves you and wants to be with you doesn't push you away?

 

It's a hard question so maybe you've chosen to ignore it the first few times I asked, but I urge you to think about it.

 

You are the only one who is going to change this outcome, by taking control and not letting him have the control, and by you putting a stop to this nonsense.

[vouge_idea]

im going for a drive. i'll be back

 

 

[Hope75]

Make sure you are not driving to wherever you think he is.

[sandyv]

That is my fear Hope, its exactly what I did.... when I felt like VI did ...

[Hope75]

We can advise her all we want, but ultimately she is not helpless in this, and until she stops allowing herself to be treated like a doormat she will continue to suffer like this.

 

Until she stops giving him control and allowing him to use her at his whim and push her away when it suits him then she will agonize over every time she doesn't hear from him, every night he's out with someone else, every day he doesn't call....

 

Healthy relationships are not like this- they are respectful, loving and trusting, and I see none of that here.

[sandyv]

Hope I so totally agree, its taken me a long time to see what your talking about... but I do now..... its been a long and horrible painful trip though..

 

I'd just like to see VI avoid it... but hell, no one could have told me any different when I was crazy in love either...

 

Hey VI, give us a buzz when you get home, regardless of what happened, you know we all care....

 

xxx

 

Sandy

[vouge_idea]

im back. all i did was cry. i saw a car like his friends car a couple times. i don't know if it was them or not.

 

i just cried. thought and cried. thought about him being out. thought about when he'll come back. everything.

[vouge_idea]

god i wonder what he is doing.

 

it's going to be a sleepless night tonight.

[JeckyllNHyde]

you neeed to stop..

aren';t there maybe any good programs on tv? oh maybe a funny comedy?

just anything to get ur mind off him.

find somethings fun to do. come on.. im sure you must have a feww?

[vouge_idea]

do you think a few days of him hanging w/the guys will make him miss me??? or make him more distant?

[wiser]

Well, one things for sure, he didn't give up on your because of your looks or figure.

[Hope75]

You are just torturing yourself now.

 

Pay attention to his actions- not the actions of someone who loves you and wants to be with you.

 

Hopefully you are sleeping now.

[wiser]

i don't get it why isn't he here with me? waking up to me? right now if it were any other day we would either still be sleeping, or just be waking up laying in our pj's on the couch. i wouldn't be sitting here alone wondering what he is doing...........wondering whenn i;ll hear from him.

 

You were probably too clingy and needy and you turned him off. Nothing will drive a guy away faster.

 

And you are still doing it, even though he isnt there. You are your own worst enemy.If you had played it tough, you would be leading him around right now as if he was on a leash.

[vouge_idea]

I don't want to be that needy, clingy girl anymore. I just want to be with him. I just can't help but wonder how long this space thing is going to take. Only he knows that I guess. What he never comes back around? Do you think he'll ever miss me?

[vouge_idea]

just because he isn't missing me right now, does that mean he won't ever?? is it possible in a week or whatever it may be, he may just have a wake up call and come back???? or if he's not doing that now will it never happen? does this crap take time?

[wiser]

just because he isn't missing me right now, does that mean he won't ever?? is it possible in a week or whatever it may be, he may just have a wake up call and come back???? or if he's not doing that now will it never happen? does this crap take time?

 

It makes no difference. Because as long as you maintain the same clingy, hysterical, pathetic, needy attitude, even if he pokes his head back into your life, he'll be gone again. If you don't change, nothing will.

 

Start working on yourself NOW. If he comes back, you will be ready and it might work. If not, you are working on making yourself stronger, and that will help you with the next guy.

 

C'mon. Get a grip. Do it NOW.

[vouge_idea]

It makes no difference. Because as long as you maintain the same clingy, hysterical, pathetic, needy attitude, even if he pokes his head back into your life, he'll be gone again. If you don't change, nothing will.

 

Start working on yourself NOW. If he comes back, you will be ready and it might work. If not, you are working on making yourself stronger, and that will help you with the next guy.

 

C'mon. Get a grip. Do it NOW.

 

well that's what i mean. if i stop doing this NOW. does it take time to realize you miss someone is what i am trying to say i guess. just because he doesn't miss me right now, does it mean it's hopeless? i am going to stop calling...showing up and ill do my best to stop thinking about him. i just ... ugh.

[Hope75]

well that's what i mean. if i stop doing this NOW. does it take time to realize you miss someone is what i am trying to say i guess. just because he doesn't miss me right now, does it mean it's hopeless? i am going to stop calling...showing up and ill do my best to stop thinking about him. i just ... ugh.

 

Do you really want to chase someone who isn't showing any interest in you?

 

Try to answer this honestly.

[vouge_idea]

Do you really want to chase someone who isn't showing any interest in you?

 

Try to answer this honestly.

 

I don't want to chase him anymore. I want him to want me. I just seriously need an honest answer to my question : just because he doesn't 'miss' me now, does that mean he never will? he may miss me now, im sure he does. but he is handling things completely different. the way i should handle them.

[vouge_idea]

should i believe him when he says he won't 'cheat on me'

[Hope75]

I don't want to chase him anymore. I want him to want me. I just seriously need an honest answer to my question : just because he doesn't 'miss' me now, does that mean he never will? he may miss me now, im sure he does. but he is handling things completely different. the way i should handle them.

 

I think the more time you waste obsessing over him and what he may or may not be doing, while he's busy getting on with his life, the more time you take away from your own healing.

 

I would hope you would have enough self respect to realize that you deserve more than scraps from someone who is showing you with his actions that he's just not interested in you the same way you are in him. And enough self respect to walk away and give yourself an opportunity to meet someone who wants what you do and who would be thrilled and honored to spend time with you.

[vouge_idea]

I think the more time you waste obsessing over him and what he may or may not be doing, while he's busy getting on with his life, the more time you take away from your own healing.

 

I would hope you would have enough self respect to realize that you deserve more than scraps from someone who is showing you with his actions that he's just not interested in you the same way you are in him. And enough self respect to walk away and give yourself an opportunity to meet someone who wants what you do and who would be thrilled and honored to spend time with you.

 

I completely understand what you are saying. But we have been together for over a year now. I know that he loves me. And I like to believe that this is hard on him to, he's just handling it differenty.

[RayKay]

I completely understand what you are saying. But we have been together for over a year now. I know that he loves me. And I like to believe that this is hard on him to, he's just handling it differenty.

 

I am sure it is hard - just because he wants space and is not sure he wants to be with you does not mean it is "easy". There are people whom are divorcing or separating after 5, 10, 25, 50 years...while a year is "long" it certainly does not mean that it is "forever" or that being together a year means it MUST or is SUPPOSED to last forever (or that it is healthy too).

 

But making it harder for him (by not respecting his wishes) won't make him want to come back.

 

While I don't think this is a healthy relationship anyway and you BOTH need to do a lot of work on yourself before having a healthy relationship (and I still think he is a jerk and you deserve better), the worst thing you can do if you do want him to miss you and respect you is ignoring his boundaries and need for space.