i cracked. im an idiot.

[wiser]

"if you really wanted to be with me, you'd leave me alone"

 

If you give him space, he may decide that he really does want to be with you, and he will come back. Then, you will be with him.

 

if i give you space, i feel like you'll find you don't want to be with me

 

You dont seem to understand the necessity of space. He wants to organize his feelings and you are taking it too personally.

 

"i can't control that you feel that way."

 

You can't control what another person feels. Most of the time you can't control what you feel either. All you can do is control the actions that occur as a result of your own feelings.

[JadedStar]

As the others have said it means he is not responsible for your feelings of inadequacy or your thoughts (which might be irrational) that he is going to be looking for or being with someone else. I actually agree with him on that.

 

Whether he loves you or is trying to migrate away from this relationship one thing is very clear - he wants and is demanding to be left alone. You not honoring that is shooting yourself in the foot big time. NEither of you own each other and that seems to be a problem for you both...he does it with you as well based on your past threads I have read about his behavior.

 

Often the more space we give a man the less they need. Hopefully you learn this sooner rather than later. I can tell you are extremely clingy and sure thing he is no saint but you not leaving him alone is on your shoulders not his at this point.

[barbielovesmac]

I can't control that you feel that way.

 

That DOESN'T mean that he is thinking that is going to happen. It means exactly what it means. He can't hlep that you feel that way.

 

Again sweetie, you are letting your thoughts and emotions get the best of you. I am so sorry you are feeling this way but you have to get a grip.

 

You need to do something to distract your thoughts.

 

I said it before and I am going to say it again. Give him his 'need' to be left alone. Once he gets it he may realize he doesn't want it.

 

It's barely YOUR DAY ONE of NC. Give him a few more days of NC and I am certain he will be back.

 

You haven't given him the chance. You've contacted him every day since this has all happened. No wonder he is soooo mad. HE just wants to be left alone and you won't. So until you do you will be alone.

[vouge_idea]

I miss him soo much guys. He is my home.

[wiser]

I miss him soo much guys. He is my home.

 

No he's not. Your home is that big thing with walls, windows, a roof, and a kitchen with a refrigerator in it. Go get something to eat. You'll feel better.

[vouge_idea]

I don't have an appetite. I haven't wanted to eat for the past four days. Of course I have ............

 

I really cannot stop thinking about him. My sister is being such a and she is completely blowing me off. I have been calling her for the past four hours ...... she knows I want to come up ....... but she won't answer the phone.

 

I am sooooo hurt by everything.

 

Nothing is right. I want my life back.

[barbielovesmac]

you are torturing yourself hun

[wiser]

attractive couple i must say

 

Now THAT will make her feel much better, I'm sure.

[barbielovesmac]

Now THAT will make her feel much better, I'm sure.

 

I know, I just realized that

[vouge_idea]

No, it's ok Barbie.

 

It's now 6pm. I left the house once for ten minutes. This is getting lame.

 

He is out there. Having fun. Probably NOT thinking about me and what I am doing.

[wiser]

He is out there. Having fun. Probably NOT thinking about me and what I am doing.

 

I'm having Deja Vu.

[vouge_idea]

I'm having Deja Vu.

 

I can't help it, wiser. Im trying . . . but I am so screwed up.

[JadedStar]

I can't help it, wiser. Im trying . . . but I am so screwed up.

 

Fake it til you make it girlfriend. Get out of the house and DO something....what you need right now are diversions and plenty of them. Think happy thoughts. A positive thought and a negative thought cannot occupy your brain at the same time....we choose what we think about. When the melancholy thoughts enter force them out by thinking of something else, something pleasant NOT associated with him. You have to divert your attention from him and let some time lapse and when time lapses you will eventually feel more strong and stable.

[vouge_idea]

HOW MUCH SPACE IS HE GOING TO NEED??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[wiser]

More Than 1 Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[vouge_idea]

It's been like 5 now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[vouge_idea]

how much longer is this going to take?!

[whes]

How long will it take for you to stop missing him?

 

That's probably about how long it'll take for him to start missing you, if ever.

[JadedStar]

Five days? VI didn't you just go to his bball game the day before yesterday?

 

I think if i were him i'd be getting aggravated to if i asked for space and you were flipping out like this...

 

YOu need to calm down girl...

[Aleadragonhawk]

It's been said on this thread before, but for goodness' sake, do something else. If you sit there all day thinking about how he's not with you and your situation, you're just making yourself miserable. If you don't have any hobbies that you can focus on right now, gain a new one.

[jmantra]

Hi voque_idea,

 

I've been through what you are experiencing and it is hard not to contact them.I was hung on a girl for a couple years after she broke up with me?! I ended up doing some crazy things because I was so hooked on her.

 

It took me a long time to realize if you truly love a person you need let them go. Let them live their life and be happy whether it's with you, with someone else, his friends, or a bunch of chicks. I know it;s really hard now, but the longer you maintain NC the easier it gets, and eventually you can be happy too whether or not he comes back. You should not be concerned with whether or not he'll come back, you should be concerned with healing, and getting your heart and emotions together for a guy who will TRULY love you. And the way this guy is acting, this guy does NOT love you and I don't think hes coming back. It's time for you to move on and work on yourself. It's not a good thing to go through life being clingy and insecure.

[jmantra]

May I also suggest you try getting into volunteering, it will give you something to do, you'll be giving back to your community, and you'll more than likely make some good friends in the process. A win-win situation.

 

 

May I also suggest you get some counseling, it sounds like you have some very serious self-esteem issues, you also seem very insecure. I am not trying to be rude or offensive, I am just stating my observation and making a suggestion based on that.

[vouge_idea]

Five days? VI didn't you just go to his bball game the day before yesterday?

 

I think if i were him i'd be getting aggravated to if i asked for space and you were flipping out like this...

 

YOu need to calm down girl...

 

It's been five days since all this happened. IT hasn't been five days of NC. So I guess I am freaking out a bit. But you think thl whole space thing of would've started day 2. Because when I did see him I only saw him for literly minutes at a time. Nothing for him to get all worked up about.

 

This is my official first day of NO CONTACT. Although it feels like forever. When will it be over? When will his wanting space be over?!?!!?

[ladymaria]

I know exactly what you mean. My boyrfriend is doing the same to me right at this moment. However i am not letting him go. I am not telling you to do the same, but i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. It hurts when he says it to your face that he wants to be alone and doesn't want to see you or have any contact with you. I am trying to give him alone time but i am still trying to be with him. I'm not good with advice so i can't say much, i am myself on here looking for advice, i just posted my frist post. Just be strong. Thats all i can say. If he really loves you, he will come back.

[JadedStar]

It's been five days since all this happened. IT hasn't been five days of NC. So I guess I am freaking out a bit. But you think thl whole space thing of would've started day 2. Because when I did see him I only saw him for literly minutes at a time. Nothing for him to get all worked up about.

 

This is my official first day of NO CONTACT. Although it feels like forever. When will it be over? When will his wanting space be over?!?!!?

 

No, you showing up at his game put you back at day one. If he asks for space and you are there in the bleachers that is setting it back...doesn't matter if he only saw you for minutes - he saw you there. Just showing up here and there for just minutes at a time gives him the upperhand.