My life sucks!

[lost_for_words]

I keep reading on here about how I should try to 'Get my old self back' and 'Be the happy person you were before you got together'.

 

Well, I've been thinking about this for a while, and to be honest, my life was empty and boring before we got together, and now he's gone I'm back to being that way again. I've tried SO hard these past 5 weeks to make new friends and search out old friends who I'd lost touch with over the years but I'm just not getting anywhere. They've all either moved away, got married, had kids, and basically just don't have time (or the inclination) to be my friends anymore.

 

I don't have any hobbies, and there's nothing going on around here that I fancy trying either...I'm not brave enough to join a gym or go to local bars or anything else. I'm a home bird, I always have been, I like to be in my own surroundings.

 

I have a fear that I'm going to grow to be a very lonely old woman.

 

Today is a low day for me (as you've probably guessed). I've been not too bad all week then today I feel so down again. I just wish this nightmare would end.

[yellow_sweater]

I just wish this nightmare would end.

 

Well, it's not going to. So either you can make the best of it, in which case things will get better for you, or you can continue to do what you're doing, in which case you've got a long, empty life ahead of you.

 

Of course, easier said than done, right? That's where magical ENA comes into play, with some ideas and support.

 

It's perfectly fine to be a homebody!! Especially after the end of a relationship, it's totally ok and normal to want to "nest" even more than usual. But there are many things you can do at home that might take your mind off what you're going through, help you get through tonight. You could:

--take up cooking and/or baking as a hobby

--do a "spa" at home (paint your nails, deep condition your hair, do a facial, etc)

--learn to sew or paint or do other handcrafts

--redecorate your apartment

--learn HTML and build yourself a website

--get some books out of the library and read

etc etc etc

 

Don't force yourself to be social if you don't feel emotionally ready for that. The key is to take baby steps. Right now you are feeling low, and it feels like you will always be in the dumps. That's ok. I felt that way right after my break-up (I do not feel that way anymore!). Take one little baby step today. Do something at home, other than sit and stare at a wall. Do something else tomorrow. And something else the next day. I suspect that you'll find that you have a lot in your life to be thankful for, a lot of things to do, and more people that care about you than you realize.

 

"If you're going through hell,

 

KEEP GOING!"

 

(((hugs)))

 

YS

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

5 weeks is hardly anything, at all I'm not being cruel, I'm being encouraging. In terms of social life/changing your own, its a mere ocean drop. After five YEARS, maybe I'll agree its a lost cause. But you cannot give up yet.

 

Don't blame you for not wanting to hang out in bars by yourself, at all. But there are other options for meeting people. Volunteer for at least one cause. Join a dating site - you'll be surprised (not necessarily for *A Boyfriend*..in fact those sites seem to be better for friends!). As for gyms etc..hmmm yes can be grim. So go to another class or suchlike - I started weekly art classes the day after my 2 year relationship imploded, and it was full of lovely people. Yes, over my age range for friends (I was youngest by 10 years!) but if I'd been older, it'd have been a potential-friend goldmine.

 

And nope, you certainly don't have to have anything as dodgy as *talent* to do any of this stuff ;-)

However....if you don't like yourself, if you feel depressed, you'll be playing the *Yes But* game, saying *Yeah I COULD do all that BUT I don't feel like it/its not my thing*...if you want to change ultimately, you will. If you truly want to flesh out your spare time, your personality and your life in general, you will, because you can. Its out there. Grabbit, girlfriend.

 

x

[-BK-]

You're doing all the right stuff!

 

I have bad days too, but when it gets better... I realize that I'm not back at square one -- I just missed a day of improvement -- and I start where I was before that bad day.

 

I have a fear that I'm going to grow to be a very lonely old woman.

 

Perfectly normal thought, for now. But don't let yourself wallow in that. I'm 37, so I know how you feel (I'm assuming). It's hard to get older in life and know that your days could be running out, but they're not. It might not all turn out like the fairy tale we had envisioned, but it will turn out and we will be happy. Just know that!