Some advice before the new year.....one last letter?

[bummedout4]

Ok well I use to be on this board all day everyday. A quick recap, my ex broke up with me in mid September, so pretty much 3 months ago. We had been together for over 4 years.....both 22 years old. The first month she told me it was a "break" and I was thinking things were temporary, her needing some time alone to think and deal with other things. Well, I was wrong. I finally got it out of her that she was seeing a guy from her work and she had been for a few weeks at that point. She said she still loved me and cared a lot about me but didn't feel the same, wasn't in love. So this was the real start of my healing. I went through all the stages, i would cry, couldn't concentrate at work and basically hit the bottom. Slowly since then I have been getting better, realizing i didn't do anything wrong and that she is the one missing out, she made the mistake not me. Hanging out with my friends and doing things I got away from have helped a lot. Also the fact that the guy she is seeing is a loser and her family hates him, makes it a little better.

 

Well anyways now i am doing better, I still think of her everyday but not as much but of course I do miss her. We have been in very LC sometimes going up to 3 weeks w/out talking to one another and most recently she texts me every once in a while. I called her on her bday last month and we talked on thanksgiving. Yesterday she messaged me again for first time in 3 weeks. Its basically just talk about school and her about to graduate this week and basic stuff. My birthday is next week so I assume she might text me or call me. She says she wants to keep in touch and still cares about me and whats going on in my life. Ok so this is where i need some advice. I have tried my best to go NC or at least LC and haven't seen her in almost 3 months.

 

With the new year approacing I get the feeling sometimes that I want to express everything that i have left inside about how i feel for her and what we had to her and get them out of my head. Then start the new year knowing i put it all in the open, if she responds positively fine, if not then fine, the new year is a time to try and start fresh. I first started thinking about meeting her in person to do this but i thought it might be awkward and emotional and make her think i am expecting a response from her. Now i think more along writing a heartfelt letter just being honest, no more games and tell her how i feel, how she made me feel and what i really want. I don't really expect this to make her come running back or changing her feelins, really just a way for me to get it out of my head and know i gave it my all, so i can go on without regrets. I don't want to look back and say i could have done more or i didnt say what i felt inside. The weird thing is, i feel like i want her back and miss what we had, but at the same time I don't know if I would actually want her back. She has changed from the person i fell in love with and was with for all that time. I feel like i want what we had only better, but i dont know if she can even give that to me anymore if we even tried. Its just really confusing sometimes.

 

So am i crazy? I don't really know if i can just be friends with her yet like she wants. When i see her name, or hear anything about her, my heart still skips a beat. I am not crying or hating my life anymore over her but I do miss her b/c i still feel we have something special, things just happned in a way that i would have never imagined. She has a lot to learn and grow and her rushing into a relationship so fast after ours is not good for her in the long run. I have learned a lot about myself during this time but I think she hasn't taken the time to really reflect and then move forward. So basically, should i go ahead with my letter? Do i leave things alone for now? I just want to know i did all i could, no regrets or what if's going forward.

[renaissancewoman101]

If you have thought it through time and time again and still come to the same conclusion, then I think you should do the letter. It might give you closure (aka you finally realize she doesnt want you back), or else it might crack the door open a bit and that can be a good thing too.

[bummedout4]

thanks for the response, yeah i have thought about it a lot. Sometimes i talk to myself like acting out what i would say to her. I love her to death dont really want to lose all we have together, we were best friends and everything to one another. If anything the letter will just let her know I do really love her, and want her to be happy no matter what. I guess if she really cares and loves me , she will appreciate that and see that I want whats best for her. I know that means she may never want me back but at least I'll know I was the better man, the guy that loved her for who she was, maybe eventually she will see what she let go. Unfortunately for her, when she does.....it might be too late.

[CatsMeeoow]

I agree with Ren - just realize the letter may change nothing and you still may be left haning... it that doesn't bother you and you still have things to get off your chest then do so.

 

good luck!

[renaissancewoman101]

If you're just wanting to write a letter and send it as a knee-jerk reaction, I would advise you NOT to send it. But, it seems like you have thought it out long and hard, so send the letter.

 

You don't have anything to lose.