Christmas anxieties

[filmraven]

I have a question that leaves me puzzled and feeling uncomfortable.

 

Every year at Christmas my fiance and I go shopping for presents and he insists on buying separate gifts (just from him and not from me) for my parents and siblings. I find this really odd since I grew up in a family where if you're a couple (especially one that is getting married!) you give a gift as a couple, together. I feel horribly uncomfortable about the situation and I can actually feel my stomach knot up just thinking about it.

 

I've told him how I feel about the situation but he doesn't seem to agree with me. Any thoughts out there as to how we can compromise? More importantly does this not seem a little odd to anyone else?

[DN]

How about buying smaller gifts for them: one from you, one from him and one from the two of you?

[RayKay]

I don't think it is odd - sometimes my boyfriend & I buy joint gifts, sometimes not.

 

I know my boyfriend just likes feeling like he can show some "individual" thought too into what he buys for them because he is always so appreciative that they think of him individually.

 

Other times if we are going to get something bigger we may go in together; but I don't feel offended if we don't (or even really think of it other than thinking of what THEY would like and if it is smaller things it works out anyway). You can always get a smaller joint gift and separate gifts if it is THAT important I suppose.

[annie24]

sounds like a good compromise. i bet over the years, he will shift over to a present from the couple instead. maybe one of you will be too busy that year to go shopping, so one of you will do all the shopping, thus, gift from the couple.

 

congrats on your engagement!

[SinfullySweet]

While my uncle and his new wife were dating and engaged they gave separate gifts, but packaged them together. She would give each person a cute gift bag with chocolates, cute socks, makeup... and he would give an envelope with cash. The envelope was always signed just by him, but would be in the bag along with her gifts and a card from her. Now that they're married they give gifts as a couple.

 

You might want to suggest such a set up to your fiance.

[chigal28]

Maybe he's afraid that if you gave joint gifts to your family members, they'll think that you picked them out and just said they're from him?

 

I think he sounds very thoughtful, in that he wants to put thought into getting special gifts for your family members--because soon they'll be his family members, too!!

 

Have you told him how you feel? What does he say?

[annie24]

^^^ oooh, good point - maybe he doesn't want them to assume you just bought them something, and all he did was sign the card. he sounds like a nice guy.

[filmraven]

Wow, lots of good advice, thank you! (And thanks for the congrats Annie-yeh! It happened, woohoo! )

 

I've decided that if it is important to him, and obviously it is, then I won't have a problem with him giving gifts separately to my family. As much as I am not accustomed to doing things this way I definitely acknowledge that he is being very thoughtful and in the end that counts the most. He is a really great person-you guys are definitely right about that!

 

So thanks for helping me sort this out. Your comments definitely helped me figure things out