I've got no desire to get out of bed

[lostwithouthim]

My reason for living and moving on no longer exists. As my world falls apart around me (finances, emotional well being, etc...) I have no 'fight' left in me. I have so many friends/family who tell me to ask them for help, yet I can't take that first step to ask. I am so emotionally drained and tired. It seems that every time things are just about to turn a corner the floor drops out from under me.

 

For the last 2 yrs of our relationship, my partner was mostly unemployed. I had encouraged him to leave a job that paid very well but tore his kind heart to shreds. He finally left and I couldn't have been happier when he told me that day. It meant that for the last 2 years I worked my tail off to make sure most of the bills got paid on time. Six weeks before he was killed he started a new job and was LOVING it. He was a changed person and we were looking forward to getting out of debt within six months. The timing couldn't have been better--we were one or two months away from being totally tapped of resources that would keep us afloat. Then the accident happened.

 

Now...3 months later...I can't afford to replace the car that was totaled by the drunk driver, I've gotten behind on taxes and thereforeeee everything else, and I can barely get myself out of bed by early afternoon so I'm unable to work as much as I should. At least if my partner was around and all this was happening I could believe that there was someone around me that would help get me through. All of my friends and family have their own lives, own families, own problems...I have no desire to ask them for a thing.

 

I feel like I'm frozen in ice...watching the world go by in front of me but unable to do a thing about it and unable to tell those closest to me what I'm REALLY going through and dealing with. I am helpless, hopeless and feel completely and utterly alone.

[15 Storeys High]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I lost my girlfriend at the beginning of October and I completely understand when you say you feel frozen. It's like you're paralysed and the world just can't notice that they're leaving you behind. And it feels like everyone starts to move on but you so you feel you can't tell them you're still stuck because you don't want their grieving to take a step backwards...so you suffer on your own.

 

Are keeping up with the taxes really important? Make that the one thing you ask for help with. Then you can forget about it and concentrate on yourself. Cars can be bought whenever, work you go back to whenever.....don't rush yourself. I've made that mistake and I'm paying for it now. Just know that I understand to a certain extent how you feel.

[EQD]

Yep i agree, you have to know when to ask for help. Even if you know you may not get it. Life is a breath at a time and while i cannot associate with your loss i can associate with your bout of depression. Whenever i get down i think of the movie "Cast Away" You probably have seen it, but its essentially about a man who had a wonderful life and due to circumstances beyond his control he lost everything, he thought about just giving up and dying... but he didnt and he came back and found out that life would never be the same as it was when he left, but "tomorrow, the sun will rise.."

 

And my take on life is the same that i had when i was a kid and traveled through farm lands with my friends. They would always fret and want to turn back, fearing that they would get lost. I knew better, because when you have faith and a solid direction, you will never be lost.

Have faith, you will get through this.