My closure

[lost_for_words]

Well, its been 3 1/2 weeks since he left and I have made every mistake possible, so I am starting this thread so I can keep coming back and checking to see what kind of progress I'm making - kinda like a diary I guess.

 

For the first week I contacted him far too many times, begging, pleading, telling him how much I want, need and love him. That didn't work

 

Then I managed 2 separate spells of 4 days NC but gave up by texting and emailing again.

 

Then this weekend I kind of lost it big time. He emailed me on Friday about picking up the last of his stuff and that took me straight back to square one. I started again with the texts and emails - knowing that I shouldn't be doing it - but hoping that maybe he still cared enough about me to give us a second chance. That didn't work either.

 

In fact it pushed him further away than ever, so now I have to accept that its totally over. I ruined any chance there might have ever been between us.

 

I hate myself for what I've done so now I have to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and get on with building a new one. Alone.

 

Its hard, I have no friends, I have no desire to go out and meet new people, I have no confidence to do that either. So, this is day one of my new life, at the momnet it sucks....but I'll wait and see what time does...hopefully it will start to heal me.

[ftheunion]

maybe philosophy.......

[Aday5578]

Lost...Time is your bestfriend. And it is going to take a lot of willpower but you will be able to do this. ANd you will come out a better person. Believe me...I think of all the things I did in the last 3 months and it is embarrasing, but it was all apart of the beginning of my healing process. I am knocking at the door of acceptance finally, i am not sure if i want to go in but i know it is ineviatable, if i want closer and to move on i must go in and lock the door to him. It is hard, i wont lie, the 1st month it is hard but once you are removed from it for a bit you start to see everything for what it was worth. You will be fine, I promise. I know it is going to be hard....everybody here is in the same boat with you..if you ever need anything just ask, if you ever need help...just let it out. You are in good hands......

[Frangipani]

Hey lost_for_words,

 

Don't say you have no friends, because you have found us My ex broke up with me in late September and I was was where you are now. I was only crying and upset in front of him for 2 weeks though then I told him I couldn't see him for a while - until I had healed some. So I did NC for a month, no exceptions. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. Then I bumped into him at the beach with a girl at the end of NC - but I was ok, because I had had no contact. I was able to deal with it.

 

But you need to be strong, you need to do NC for yourself. I'm still sad but I'm not like I was. It helps. But doing nothing you can do nothing wrong. Look up Superdaves posts on NC - they will help and so will we

[delerium6]

Though we all know it's "wrong" to contact, sob, plead, etc, those first couple weeks after a hard breakup, we should not beat ourselves up over it. I'm not talking about things like angry insults, revenge, threats, talking badly behind their backs, etc. That's a different story and that's just plain wrong. But you/we can't control the overwhelming urge to at least try to make things the way they were, even though common sense dictates that won't help and will generally backfire (and sometimes common sense is hard to conjure up when dealt with a devastating blow). Doing these contacts is like a cold, frosty beer to a suffering alcoholic. Just gotta say now, but the desire is incredibly strong.

 

lost_for_words, it does sound like he might've made a mistake too. Given that he knows the delicate situation you're in, he should've waited longer with asking about picking up his stuff and creating a situation where he sees you again. If the stuff was really important, maybe a mutual friend could've gotten it for him. If the stuff was common and replaceable and less than, say, $100 worth of items, he probably should've just forgotten about it. My ex-girlfriend who broke up with me last week has about $75 in CDs she borrowed a month ago to listen to and still has them. As far as I'm concerned, I'll just eventually re-buy or download them again. No use in trying to get it back.

[matt24]

We all try our best and I did many of the things you did. They're not "mistakes". You love him and care for him so you want to try. So did I. How can that be a mistake? It isn't to me. Putting yourself out there and being vulnerable shows how much it meant to you and just how real those emotions are. I think those are good qualities to have, don't beat yourself up over them. Your doing the best you can, just like me and a lot of us on here. There is no magic way to fix things. Everyones situation is different. Nothing you did is wrong!

[learingtocope]

I am on about day 180 and I am stronger than I was but I still fight myself within my head. I did great day 10-50, lost total control of myself and got him to spend a weekend with me (at my expense and he made sure I knew that every time I paid for something) It was suppose to be my privlegde to pay his way and for him to allow time for me. NO WAY no how

 

Be strong, i have no friends either but I have me and a place to talk(type) my feelings with less pain or heartache..

 

You can do it and for the weight thing I relate but you know what! we can diet they can't gain personality and it seems as if he lost any he had already.

[pureofheart]

Your reaction was "human nature". You're not a robot - you have feelings. Your ex needs to deal with that and he expects that this will be torture on you. don't apologize for being human.

[lost_for_words]

Yesterday and today have been pretty good days (in comparison to the last 4 weeks!).

 

But something has got me really annoyed - he's started saying 'not very nice' things to a couple of people about me. He says I was too controlling, wouldn't give him any space, never let him go out with his mates or chat to old friends online (which I feel is b*ll*cks - he went out with friends at least twice a week) but its this 'online thing' that really bugs me.

Not long after he moved in with me (he bought his own computer with him) he was working late one night and I was searching for a file and came accross a stored MSN conversation he'd had with a girl...seems they'd met up one night just after he came to live with me, and they were planning to run away together and live happily ever after...anyway, naturally I asked him about it and he admitted that that is indeed what happened, but that was all done and dusted now, he wanted to be with me...so, maybe I have been slightly wary that some younger, prettier girl would come along and catch his eye for the last 3 years, but maybe, JUST MAYBE if he hadn't cheated on me from day one I would have trusted him that little bit more.

 

I'm actually at the stage now where I'm glad he's gone - he was a lier, a cheat, full of deceipt and basically a self centred selfish guy.

 

If he came back tomorrow and asked to try again Id tell him 'Hell No, you dug your own grave, now go rot in it'.

 

And to think I've spent 3 years of my life wasting my time and effort on this loser when I could have had someone who, when he told me that he loved me, meant it.

And as for the heartache I've gone through for the last 4 weeks - I'm damn determined to go out there and get a life - a better one - one that I deserve!!.

 

Today is the first day of my new life - and that feels good to say it.