How to kindly reject?

[orangecounty]

So I've come to realize that I'm just not attracted to the guy I'm dating. We get along great and I've given it SO much thought, as it really bothered me that that's the only thing that's wrong. However, I've come to realize that it is important to be attracted to your partner. And they don't have to look like Brad Pitt but there should be some sort of spark. Anyways, this guy is really great and I'd love to continue being friends, not sure if that's possible. We've only been out a few times (I'm not sure if this is the right forum) so it's not like he's my boyfriend. What's the nicest way of rejecting someone? Honestly, I just don't know what to say to him, it makes me feel horrible. But I feel it's really unfair to be dragging him along for the ride while he gets more attached to me and I just don't feel the same way.

I need some help here, thanks

[lana111]

next time he calls for a date just politely decline- he should get the hint. i personally like to make up a lil white and use it as a reason why i cant see someone. maybe thats wrong but it makes me feel comfortable.

 

 

good for you for realizing what was missing and dealing with it. attraction is very important and like you said, its not about being the hottest thing ever, its just something that is or isnt there.

[orangesoda]

As a guy, I'd say one thing:

 

Stop seeing him. It's as simple as that. If he calls, tell him you've already made plans. Don't have long conversations, don't email, don't chat, etc.

 

Believe me, if he's into you, he's going to read into everything you do. Even a simple email or txt is going to be read as a sign of interest.

 

Cut him off cold-turkey and he will get the message and lose interest. Anything else and he'll keep thinking he has a chance with you.

[matts0344]

next time he calls for a date just politely decline- he should get the hint. i personally like to make up a lil white and use it as a reason why i cant see someone. maybe thats wrong but it makes me feel comfortable.

 

 

good for you for realizing what was missing and dealing with it. attraction is very important and like you said, its not about being the hottest thing ever, its just something that is or isnt there.

 

Why do make up a lie though?

 

Honestly, if if you make up a lie like "oh I'm busy that day" etc I always wonder "maybe she is really busy? maybe she does like me but is playing hard to get" etc

 

I would MUCH rather a girl just say "I don't think we're right for each other / comptabile / not enough chemistry etc.

[Ball Four]

Just tell the truth. No need for white lies. No need to play the avoiding game. Believe me as a guy those things hurt a lot worse. If you just tell him the complete and honest truth he will respect you and you will have a friend. Who knows maybe for life.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Yea I agree with matts and Ball Four.

In his case, I would feel so bad and confused as to what happened and start wondering what was up till a month later I would get the hint it was over lol.

I say tell him like matt said, that you dont find yourself seeing him as more then a friend/no attraction as more then a friend.

Much better then avoiding him and blowing him off.

If I were in your situation and hadnt gone out with him I wouldnt feel like I owe him an explanation and I would just say busy". But since you also wanna remain friends since I am sure he is a nice guy, I think he deserves to be told direct in a gentle way. Just my opinion though.

[sbux_addict]

Yes, no need to lie. Just tell him straight up - "Before we get any further, I wanna let you know that I enjoy hanging out with you, but I don't see us getting into anything further, romantically." You're already "dumping" him, he deserves an honest explanation. You need to be more communicative - it shows maturity.

[annie24]

oof, this is a hard one. i have "disappeared" on a guy who was asking me out. i felt really bad about it, but i would have felt even worse about telling him, 'no thanks, i don't want to see you again' when he called to ask me out.... so i just stopped taking his calls, he got the hint after a few unreturned calls i know, i am awful.

 

you can either do that, or just tell him, 'thanks, but i don't feel we have the proper chemistry to continue seeing each other romantically, but i wish you the best.'

[JeckyllNHyde]

oof, this is a hard one. i have "disappeared" on a guy who was asking me out. i felt really bad about it, but i would have felt even worse about telling him, 'no thanks, i don't want to see you again' when he called to ask me out.... so i just stopped taking his calls, he got the hint after a few unreturned calls i know, i am awful.

 

you can either do that, or just tell him, 'thanks, but i don't feel we have the proper chemistry to continue seeing each other romantically, but i wish you the best.'

 

LOL, I gotta admit, I disappeared too, but only on a guy who was a jerk (that I can remember).

If the guy is nice, I give an explanation though. Otherwise just ignore em till they get the hint. This guy seems nice, the one the OP discribed since they went on a few dates and she wants to remain friends.

[orangecounty]

He is nice, this just kills me because I get along better with him than I ever have with any guy I've gone out with. I've felt so confused over the entire thing, it's the only thing that seems to be missing. In the end, I think in terms of being friends, that's entirely up to him.

[markusG]

Surely he should pick up on things if you were keen ? friends is good and works ! if he'snot getting a vibe off you, he'll know it's instinctive. you can carry on and be polite and say enough without being blunt to let him know.

I do agree lies are horrid though