So you've been dumped and want them back?

[vfunkera]

id just like to thank this site so much for helping me the first break up that actually hurt me. iv learned alot here in the space of 4 months. my ex broke up with me, and i was devastated because i thought she was the one. i have been educated, and am now on my way not just to getting her back, but also attracting other girls.

 

So uv just been dumped by your partner. all the memories you have of the two of you, all the future hopes and plans you had have suddenly ended, and as it sinks in u feel more and more pain. the reality is that it has ended, and they wont seem to reconsider their decision. although u cant make the decision for them, u can influence it.

 

the key is, and always will be control of the situation. from the moment u aren't a couple anymore, its all about survival. your partner is making you feel the way u are and sobbing over them because they have claimed the upper hand, they have shown they can survive without u. they had the courage to walk away, and u are crying and regretting it. MOVE ON, FAST. the sooner the better and more effective.

 

i look back 4 months ago and can't believe all the wrong signals i gave to her after she broke up. i chased her, was IMing and emailing her everyday, and kept asking for a second chance. i was missing her while she was going out and enjoying herself, and feeling satisfied by what i was doing. it pushed her further away. she didnt regret what she had done. its not fair on u. the more u chase them, or at least make them ur goal, the less chance there is of them coming back. they are expecting u to be pinning for them, and when u do, they wont feel regret for what they've done, will they? get busy fast. u must show that u dont need them, and that u have moved on already RIGHT NOW. 0X

 

anyone who has been dumped and moved on will tell u u are wasting ur time mourning and weeping for them to come back. it wont get u anywhere. yes mourn and weep, scream, shout, because that will heal u, but do it in ur own time. DO NOT SHOW UR EX U ARE SUFFERING. when around them, it is the time to laugh, smile, flirt with other girls (trust me thats a big one because they will miss u). show that u do not need them or their love, and that u have moved on. the sooner the better because they will still probably be thinking about u. Move on. not only will this heal you, but it will give both of u another chance. they will wonder why u are so happy. they will then miss u, and start regretting breaking up with u. Trust me they may not show it to u when in their presense, but it will play on their mind. if and when they suddenly start talking to u or make contact, then it will confirm that u have got to them, and that feeling guys is soooo satisfying! lool 8) but u must keep it up.

 

the sooner u show that u are happy and moving on, the better. its like a race. u must gain control of the situation. u must show happiness around them. go out without them. hold that temptation of chasing them, of contacting them. when they make contact or in their presense, show that life goes on, and that ur lovin the break. it might be the biggest lie u ever live, but it tosses cold water on them. u gain control. they currently have control, and look at how ur feeling- u want them back! put ur self in their shoes, wudn't u regret breaking up if it seems that your ex is benefitting.

 

from the moment they tell u its over (in what ever shape or form), hold back all your sadness. just do it. fight it back. dont cry, dont get too disappointed- theres time for that later. Why? because they are expecting you to, and if u do, then they have gained control. u are begging for another chance or reconsideration, while they are walking away. Hold everything back, smile, and say "whatever", or "suits me fine". U walk away. if u can do that, then they will be the ones walking away baffled, confused, regretting what they've just done, and probably sad.

WEEPING AND CRYING ON THE SPOT IN HOPE THAT THEY WILL TAKE U BACK ON SYMPATHY JUST WONT HAPPEN. it will satisfy them. again put ur self in their shoes.

if u can do that, i wud actually advise u to ask them if they want to get back with you in a very very casual way, maybe 4 days after the break-up.

 

it may not however bring them back immediately though. they may be the stubborn type! i can hear all those people who are reading this a bit too late, and wondering what they've got to do if its already happened. what if i did cry, chase? that was me 4 months ago. this is the stage where we start! RIGHT NOW. NO CONTACT. they aint contacting u, so why should u be sweating over it? u deserved to be missed too dont u? its not fair on u. u will be happy the next time u see them. u have moved on quick. dont chase anymore. not for at least a month. they will suddenly wonder 'where have they gone?'. Suddenly u will get a response from them, because they have been provoked. Cry over the memories as much as u want at home, but move on when they're around. its all about moving on.

 

remember positives attract posotives. they fell in love with the person u was when they met u. before the relationship. get back to that now. u will keep control of the situation by showing happiness and no regrets. do this and they will be the ones chasing u, regretting, missing u. make them feel the way u are feeling now! look at what they're doing at the moment! They're enjoying themselves and living while u are missing them and the past u shared. Switch roles right now! Have as much fun as they are when around them. flirt, date, smile, laugh just keep piling up on them with how u have moved on already! keep the pressure and that feeling on them. make them feel even worse then u feel now, and be consistent at it. not only will u really move on fast when doing this, u will give both of u another chance very soon. Moving on right now is important- pretending or not- because it is for the better. its a win-win situation! 8)

Good luck. , i hope this pays off for all of those heart broken guys like me!

[sspaul]

This is a great post I have been chasing my ex for two months now showing her that I am upset and missing her, cards, letters, calling all the time and I have got no where!

 

I want to do all the things you said in your post but it is easier said than done. I am affraid that if I just go away she will be happy that I am not around anymore and just forget about me and I dont know if I can handle that.

 

I love this girl and she knows it, the problem is that she is seeing her ex again and I think it makes it easier for her to not talk to me.

 

Is what you are doing working? Is your ex showing signs of missing you?

 

I know that I have never giving her a chance to miss me. I go about a week and start to panic because I havnt talked to her and she hasnt called and I end up calling or letting her see me but I get no results. I want to have the strength to do the things you said in your post but my feelings for her get in the way and I find myself fighting for her again.

 

Does anyone have any stories about getting their girl back when they finally stopped chasing. I could use some success stories mabye it would help me do the same because I know I am not getting anywhere doing what I am doing.

 

maybe when things dont work out with her ex she will come back to me but I know I have to move on and not wait for that but its hard.

 

Let us all know if this really does work!!

 

vfunkera is your ex coming back to you?

[hairybda]

I am yet another guy in the same situation as you both.

 

My x-moved out two months ago, and is now back with her ex.

 

I have done the same thing, sent her flowers, send her notes etc. I've asked her if we will ever get back together...

 

It is comforting to see other people in the same situations...

 

As of this past week, I am no longer emailing / phoing my ex.

[Senna]

I would love to believe that what your saying really works and maybe in a few small cases it really does work. All l know is it fell tits up for me l thought l'd stop all contact with my ex..3 months later and l still hear nothing!! now l've given up l've lost all hope if anyone can give any stories of hope..l'm all ears!!!

[vfunkera]

hey guys,

firstly i cant guarentee anything about ur exes returning, but i can guarentee that it will give both of u a chance in the future.

 

SSpaul u what u r doing is giving her satisfaction in her decision. u must fight back all those temptations. i know its hard as hell, but it will help u move on, and also give both of u another chance in the future. u are in the picture, so how is she gonna miss u? dont worry about her just forgeting about u soon, its not gonna happen. ur not just some guy off the street, ur her ex. the more u stay away from her, the more u will drift into her mind. just know that what ur about to do is gonna give both of u another chance, rather than just u hangin around for company (which is what ur doing at the moment).

 

6 great points i got found on this forum about No Contact-

 

1. Your ex is doing "no contact", you wouldn't be sweating those digits if she were calling you would you? When people love us, we love them. When people stay away from us, we stay away from them. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be where I'm not wanted..do you?

 

2. Begging and Pleading doesn't work. If it did you wouldn't be here. So try something different.

 

3. By calling, you're just asking for a panic attack. I don't know how many stories I've read on here of people who have given in and called or e-mailed and were completely slapped in the face or ignored by their ex. Then they're back to square one, feeling as bad as they did the day they got dumped, (I'm sure you can relate to this). And if you are "lucky" enough to be given an ambiguous response, you're given a tiny piece of string to hold onto while she continues to go out and have her fun...without you. It's NOT worth it.

 

4. What about you? Don't you deserve to be called and missed? Your ex wasn't the only one in the relationship, and you shouldn't be the only one calling. Guess what? She knows your number/e-mail. It's not fair to have a one-sided communication. Invest that time and energy into yourself. Go clothes shopping, buy a new cologne.

 

5. You won't be able to move on if you're still holding on to old ghosts. I say old ghosts because she isn't there anymore. She's moved on. If she really loves you and see's that you're better than the rest out there, then she'll be back. But if she's not, you'll find another woman that will think you're THE MAN! And you deserve that!

 

6. God loves you. He doesn't want to see you suffer. But God teaches us that sometimes we have some hard LESSONS to learn. So let go of the phones and forget the e-mailing's. Instead make a self-emprovement plan and see it through. When you start establishing goals and accomplishing them, you will prove to the most IMPORTANT PERSON YOU KNOW that you have really grown up!!!

 

SSpaul, u and seanwg have just answered that question on success stories ur selves. look who ur exes have gone running back to! whether its a rebound or whatever, they are now back with them. why? because they moved on. they didn't pin or sob for them when they found out u was going out with them. obviously its gonna hurt, but both of u should take hope from their actions, because u can do that as well. they were in the same positions u were, and look at them now! if u treated them good, then they will probably want it back. u just have to give it time and faith like those exes did. dont get down, that should be ur inspiration. if they returned to those exex, why wont they not return to u one day? MOVE ON, they will be back!

 

senna, i cant help u out on everything uv just told me. moving on doesnt guarentee that they will be back. its to heal u. when u are healed and have moved on (which from the impression im getting, u haven't correct me if im wrong), then u will have a better chance, not just with ur ex, but with other girls as well. uv got to sjhow more then no contact. u have to go out, show u can live without them, that ur happy and busy. this will make u look more confident in everyones eyes. if u can do that, and stay strong and u will pull thru, guarenteed.

 

as for me, yea 4 months now since we broke up. iv been avoiding her for 2 months now. dont talk to her when i see her on friday nights, msn or anywhere else. i even dated for two weeks to see how that will work on her. in the last 2 weeks, she has IMed me, e-mailed me 3 times, one of them askin me if i wanna go with her lot to the cinema (i didnt go), and iv been getting the feeling shes been telling her friends to find out my feelings for her. so it all came down to this friday, and i prayed that maybe ill get one more chance. we didnt even say a word. she kept looking at me like consistently, but she just seems to shy away when im near. i got home feelin down and giving up on us two. and then that night i had dream- which i am sure was from God- about how me and her were back together again! im am definetly on her mind, i can guarentee that. im just confused. i dont get shy people (shes very shy). im trying to decide if shes interested but shy to talk, or shes not so if i do start a conversation, then ill just get hurt with false hopes. im not gonna take that risk. im gonna move on, and then talk to her, and only then can i find out without getting hurt! 8)

[hairybda]

vfunkera points are really valid.

 

The best is to go out, hang out, and meet other people.

 

This past week, when I discovered my ex is back with her old boyfriend, I was so pissed off... I wrote another girl who was a potential roommate from a couple of months ago.

 

She responded.. and then I wrote her would she like to go for a walk to get the ex off my mind sometime... the walk turned into lunch.

 

It was really fun.. it was a little strang e at first, but 1.5 hours later I have a new lunch date every wednesday!

 

So try as hard as you can to stop calling, stop emailing, and start getting on with life. It will get better!

 

 

 

There are allot of really cool, fun, nice women out there..

[anne_a]

Well I am a female going through the breakup situation and that advice is soooo true. You have to give the person a chance to miss you. When there was a point that i felt that by letting him know my real feelings would bring him back but I realised that I don't want him coming back on pity.

Me and "him" have been through this before and we were separated for two months, the first month, I cried everyday, called him, expressed myself to him time and time again, sent him a "between me and you" card and everything. The second month I forced myself to move on and not think about what he was and could have been doing. I started going out, his friends started seeing me out, and one day I stopped picking up my phone for him. He showed up at myhouse before the end of the second month with all the regrets in the world. He thought I had moved on and that killed him.

Now we are going through the same process but only this time yea I did my crying and called him maybe 3 times but I am giving him space and time to miss me. I never let him see me looking down. We have two kids together so when he came over the last time, I got dressed up, was acting "friendly" with him, acted like I was alright watching him walk out the door, I had rearranged the living room and bedroom (to more or less help myself), but this all affected him. When we talk now I never bring up getting back together. It is KILLING me inside and I cry my eyes out everytime I see him leave, but not until he is out of site.

I TOTALLY agree with this post. It is better for you and the other person. Sometime's we need to have time to realise why we really broke up, and it gives the other person time to see how wrong they were for "walking out". It's hard but the world keeps on spinning so why waste so much time and energy on someone who is not doing the same for us!

[hairybda]

well... things can change

 

this past monday the ex-writes me.. we chat about how we were mean to each other ... blah blah blah.. and how we took each other for granted... blah blah blah.. but we still love each other.

 

monday night she came over, and we talked for hours.. it was so nice. then last night i went to a yoga class with her for the first time.. it was soo nice to see her.

 

now of course, she has gone cold as cucumber again... women i tell you.

[latinstyle]

..................

[jd21]

I've been reading everyone's suggestions and I agree with not pressuring them but what if you feel you did something wrong and you want to show them you changed? My ex broke up with me about a month agao after dating for almost 3 years. We loved each other very much but for some reason we have been fighting a lot lately. Finally my ex said he couldn't deal with it anymore and that the bad times overshadowed the happy times and it wasnt worth it anymore. I've realized that I used to pick on little things and that i was tryingto make him the perfect bf. Since the breakup I've realized that I can't change him and I accept him for who he is. I love him so much and him giving up on the relationship hurts so much. I'm thinking of writing him a letter just telling him that he doesnt have to write back and that I don't expect him to change his mind but that I need to explain to him how I've changed. At least it'll help me feel better and I'll know that I tried my best. Does anyone think this is a good idea? I almost feel like I have nothing to lose but I also don't want to push him away even further.

[latinstyle]

I did something similar when I proposed to my girlfriend. Keep in mind that she had already broken up. She used to call me "an old man" because I never wanted to do anything so when I proposed I told her that I wanted to take her out and have fun with her but it was all for nothing. She stuck with her story of needing time and didn't expect me to wait. If you need some advice, I think I can help email me if you'd like.

eibarra@link removed

[bdub]

jd21, I strongly suggest that you write a letter to your ex, but I wouldn't send it. I have written many letter to my ex recently, but have not sent any of them. It helps me to figure out what I'm feeling at the time and in turn I learn more about myself everytime I write. I don't send them because I know at least for now, she is not receptive to me. No matter what I say and how sincere I am, she will not allow it into her heart. It hurts a lot to realize that I can't reach her, but eventually, I know she will see me for the good person I am. It just takes time.

 

You said you don't expect a response from your ex, but from my experience, we really do expect a response. The reality is that no response may ever come, or he may send you a nasty reply. Until you are healed enough to not become hurt worse by these possibilities, its best to give yourself more time to grieve.

 

I have felt the same way recently. My ex and I were together for a year and a half and it was great. We got along well and she supported me when I needed it. I tried to do the same for her, but I didn't find out until after she broke up with me that I hurt her by doing what I thought was helping. I didn't know I was hurting her and she always bottled it up until she couldn't handle it anymore. Now that I know, I have been working on myself to change the aspects of me that hurt her, but I'm doing all that for me. It hurts a lot to think that she gave up on me, but she did and I can't change that. What I can change is myself and really I have grown from this experience.

 

I hope things work out for you

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[vfunkera]

i agree with bdub. u cant change the other persons opinion, but u can influence it. everyone breaks up for a reason. some more extreme then others, such as ur situation jd21. break ups are good in a way because they let u look at what u was doing wrong and give u all the time in the world to fix it, so that for the next person in ur life (maybe even ur ex!) u will be a much more wiser, stronger and greater for it. what u need to do after the break up is start identifying what u did wrong, and how u can sort it out so it doesnt happen again. let the world know about this change. let ur ex know. but dont do it for them. u are number 1, it is for ur own benefit, not to bring back the ex (even though the chances of getting together increase massively).

 

unfortunately, from the moment the person u were in love with minutes, days, or weeks earlier tells u its basically over, everything twists from love and companionship into games and playing them. if u play to win, u will win, because, by pretending to be happy u are actually moving on and getting back at the ex, who in turn will miss u. its sad, but its tru, and its a risk we all take when we get involved in a relationship. if u try to remain friends with that person after the break up- and u still have feelings for them- then u are living a life with hidden pain and it will stay there and hurt until u start playing this game and play to win. hanging around with those feelings will not get u no where.

 

i really wud like to c some more stories/advice about the benefits of moving on, because i think these posts will b influencial for all those who are going thru a break up and want advice. maybe then we'll stop getting so many dam 'i want them back' posts here, and keep having to repeat ourselves

good luck to everyone

[latinstyle]

I had a dream that my ex and I got back together and it felt soo great. I woke up and I felt like someone hit me in the chest with all their might. I did a stupid thing this weekend by proposing to my girlfriend even though she had broken up with me a week ago. I actually don't regret doing it because I showed her exactly how I feel and it made me feel better.

 

She kept the ring for 2 nights and then decided I had better take it back. She never said "no" to me but said she needed time to figure out what she wanted to do in life.

 

I know this is something that part of her does want even though it may be a little part of her. I was kind of rude when I picked up the ring, I grabbed it from her hand and left right away. I feel bad now and I don't know why. I feel like calling her and apologizing and telling her I still do love her and still want to marry her.

[bdub]

eibarra,

 

Dreams are maybe the worst part about wanting somebody back, I've had similar experiences with my ex. My dreams are not earth shattering like us getting back together. Most of the time they are about simple things, like me and her talking about things and in the end both of us feel heard and finally for the first time since the break up, we are on the same page--but then I wake up and realize she is still closed to me.

 

Don't regret proposing, I thought about doing the very same thing. Also, don't regret taking the ring back and not being Mr. Nice Guy. Maybe the best advice I've ever heard is to try to get on the same page with your ex. What I mean by that is, she is operating under the conditions that you are broken up, but you are thinking that there is still a chance for your relationship. You have not let go, but she has. This will create an awkwardness between you that will further drive the two of you apart. I hate having to admit it, but vfunkera is right about playing the game. No longer are you the boyfriend and so your rules have changed, even if you don't want them to. When in a relationship, we strive to be open and honest about everything and try not to hurt her feelings. Now you are not together and that doesn't feel right to you, nor does it feel right to her. Now it is more like you are on the dating scene, and you are trying to get the attention of one of your friends.

 

Here are some of the rules as best I can tell:

1) Don't overpursue. Let the person have some space and try to inject some mystery about your feelings into her mind. She is expecting you to continue chasing her....so STOP CHASING. She will wonder what you are feeling and WHAMO, shes thinking about you again.

 

2)Have a great time. Enjoy life to the fullest. Hang out with friends. Do whatever makes YOU happy. Get off your duff and have some fun. Most likely, when you first started dating, you both thought of each other as vibrant, energetic, fun people. If you are in a slump everytime she sees you, that will not be attractive (and will also be what she is expecting).

 

3)The whole concept is really to keep her off balance with her decision to break up with you, but it has to be done in a way that she doesn't know that you are playing a "game". People don't like to be played. The good thing about this "game" is that at the end, whatever she decides, you will have come a long way in your own recovery. You will be out more, having a good time with friends and enjoying life. That will undoubtedly be more attractive to others, including her.

 

Good luck and Best Wishes

bdub

[brit]

i am backing off right now, but i find the guy just doesn't have regrets or jealousy. he is dating four girls now -- one is bartender, another doesn't have a job. i have a great career and people say a lot going for me. i want him to miss me and regret dumping me, but how? please read my post 'he hates me, help.'

[bdub]

There are no guarantees. Just get out and have a good time. Let him see you out with friends and enjoying life. It will really get under his skin. It may not seem like it at the time, but if you are out having a good time and he sees it, he will start thinking about you. If there are any doubts in your mind, take it from me, a guy whos been in your exs situation before. Just enjoy yourself and show him what he's missing.

 

I'd like to hear from vfunkera about how your situation is turning out. I have not spoken to my ex for a month now. I went to the football game yesterday and saw her in the alum center. I went to the alum center to get more beer . While sitting there drinking with a friend, I had a great time. Laughing, talking, watching the game. We didn't even make any eye contact. I was shocked that it wasn't more emotional, but that may have been cause I was pretty drunk 8) .

 

Some updates by the people who are trying this approach would be nice.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[Vi]

Just an idea... but, if you feel that your relationship was special and you've made no contact for a while...say four months and up..., and all the hurt has slowly faded away and you still think about your ex from time to time, call them. Let it be a friendly conversation. Ask your ex if they would like to go on a date. Tell them that its not an attempt to go back to the relationship they wanted no more of, but a chance to catch up and each on others lives and to see if there is anything there. Say that you have thought of them from time to time, though you have healed. Then, say that this "date" can be looked upon both ways, it can bring back a friendship and it might make the person start to think more about the happy times of your relationship and maybe think about starting over. Go on the date and enjoy yourself. Maybe you'll find that your ex makes a better friend then romantic interest, maybe it will be a chance to start over. Contact them in a week or so and ask how they felt about it. I don't know if it will work, I plan to try it with my ex months from now. Any opinions?

[vfunkera]

Brit he is probably dating so many people to get his mind off u. if he was ready for a serious relationship, wouldnt he have settled down by now? besides, u are feeling the way u are because he is showing that he is moving on. u need to fight back, start getting to him like he is getting to u. this way u will be affecting him no doubt, and u will actually be moving on urself! 8) Bdubs points are really really good, and they are the way to go because they are true.

 

There is not alot more that i can add to what iv already mentioned. but i did learn something new this week, which really has affected me, and it will hurt all of u like it has hurt me if u do it. i talk about no contact and pretending to move on while they are around. indeed i have been following my own advice, and i have been feeling that i have been in control for so long now. it has been 5 months now, and what i have realised this week is that although i have been showing myself moving on and making no contact, deep down inside i have been pinning for this girl.

 

deep deep down i still believe that we will get back together, and i was even contemplating what Vi has suggested, that maybe if i ask her for another chance she will say yes. she seems to be looking at me all the time, and i am pretty sure that she still has feelings for me. so why is she holding back? thats what i like to believe. that was temptation kicking in. when i realised i wasnt really moving on at all, i began to feel as low as i did when we first broke up, and knew if i did ask for another chance, i would probably be devasted because i was not ready.

 

no contact is to heal u. go out and enjoy urself. but if u still keep pinning for her deep down inside, then the u are not really moving on at all, and this will just keep that hurt in u. u must let them go. its scary at first, believe me, but the sooner u do it the better. i have been reading alot of posts here by people whos exes have come back to them. i have noticed that most of them do not seem to be concerned at all whether their ex is with them or not. they talk as if they have other things to worry about. thats the attitude u need to get urself at. move on and stop thinking about them. there is not much more i can add without repeating myself.

 

good luck to all those out there with a broken heart, move on with your life, and u will prove to everyone u care about just how independent u are. as of today i am believing that me and my ex will never ever get back together, and i know it must be done if i want another chance with anyone.

[BONO]

Just read the lot

 

Scruff

[octopus]

Vi,

 

What will have changed? That is the question I would ask. What has changed after your break-up so that this simply could turn into a chance to reconcile?

 

A friendly date sounds good to me; but what if your ex is seeing someone? What if he/she's back with their ex... Do you really want to find out about those? About the fact that they're happier without yoU??

 

But I guess if you never meet & hang out, you can't know if your feelings have changed and if you want to get back together.

[Diggitydave]

Remember this isn't a game. Take the time to improve yourself. This isn't a game of who can hold out longer. I don't think we should be TRYING to make them miss us at all. I think we should be working on ourselves, gaining our confidence back. Yes of course it would be great if they all called and said i miss you so much and i want to be back. But if we put our hopes into something we are not sure is going to happen, when it doesn't, we will be disappointed.

 

How do I build my self confidence back up?

Accomplishments, prayer, help others, be a good person ON YOUR OWN

 

What if my ex doesn't call, does it mean they don't miss me?

Who cares, you're taking care of yourself remember?

 

It's been like two weeks and still nothing?

Don't play the "i want them to miss me" game. This is a time for self improvement and being WHOLE on your own, realizing that you don't really need someone else to complete you. When you fully come to this realization and you are whole on your own, it is at this time when people will be drawn to you, and you will have all this learning experience under your belt.

 

What are they thinking or saying about me, are they saying i was this way or that way or i let them down or whatever?

It's over, you are starting over, slate clean. If they are going around slandering you based on every negative thing they can think of and not saying anything positive about you, do you really want them back? Besides you dont' know this either way. WHO YOU ARE IS NOT A REPRESENTATION OF WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU. AGAIN, DO THIS FOR YOU, NOT TO HAVE THEM MISS YOU, GET THEM BACK.

 

 

I fear this and that.

 

Don't live in fear. God did not give us a spirit of fear.

 

 

 

Do this for you and people will see it. don't rush to tell them what accomplishments you've made without them, it sounds fake, like an attempt to get them back. Do this for you and don't make it known. Get over it for you, not to show them that you're over it in an attempt to get them back. That is game playing.

 

 

David

[Diggitydave]

Vi,

 

What will have changed? That is the question I would ask. What has changed after your break-up so that this simply could turn into a chance to reconcile?

 

A friendly date sounds good to me; but what if your ex is seeing someone? What if he/she's back with their ex... Do you really want to find out about those? About the fact that they're happier without yoU??

 

But I guess if you never meet & hang out, you can't know if your feelings have changed and if you want to get back together.

 

 

I agree with Oct kinda. When you're hurting this bad, don't torture yourself and search for things. Chances are your mind will play tricks on you and turn any small thing into a full blown big deal. Don't search for answers while you're apart.

[jigsaw]

Do this for you and people will see it. don't rush to tell them what accomplishments you've made without them, it sounds fake, like an attempt to get them back. Do this for you and don't make it known. Get over it for you, not to show them that you're over it in an attempt to get them back. That is game playing.

 

 

David

I agree with you completely David.

 

And if I may add to what you said: Don't rush to tell them what accomplishments you've made without them. It's not what you've done, it's the person you are because of what you've done. They will see that person.

 

I fed the homeless on xmas eve, I didn't tell any of my friends. The experience did change how I perceive some things. I am richer for the experience, and it shows through in my interactions. Make sense? Padron the hypsocrisy, but I'm using it to illustrate my point.

[roxy79]

I agree with Vi. I haven't spoken to my ex in over a year now. Unfortunately, for 7 months out of the year, we "see" each other on a daily basis. But for an entire year we didn't talk to each other, but randomly, at the beginning of Feb, we chit chatted for a bit. This was AFTER I had received word that he had asked about me and AFTER he was making himself more "available" to me (meaning he was making it be known he was there).

 

So I wondered, wow, could this really work? Might we be getting a second chance here? So i called (since we hadn't talked in a year) left him a short message to give me a call back when he got the chance. No call back (yet)...one week on Monday. I had also heard he wasn't dating anyone (nor am I), which is why I thought I'd give it a try. No harm was done. I'm not sad... just hoped and prayed that we'd get a second chance. I just didn't want to have any "what ifs" lingering in my brain...