AusTrist Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hey there I ahve just started seeing a woman and she has 2 children. I havent really dated anyone with children before. The children do not bother me in the slightest they are very young though one is 3 and the other is 2. I am not sure on what I should do whether it would be too much trouble to ask her out somewhere as that would mean her finding someone to babysit for her, she says her family are usually good with looking after them and if I do ask her out somewhere how much time should I allow so she can make arrangements to leave the children with someone? Something that gets on my nerves is the amount of people who automatically sterotype someone with children and say I should stay away ect ect but she seems fine to me. Is there any truth to what any of these people say? She was really worried that the children would scare me away but it doesnt seem to be an issue with me as I am quite open minded about things and think everyone deserves a chance. From what I can gather the children have taken up a lot of her time and she hasnt been able to do a lot of things people without children seem to have done so i would like her to experience some of these things. Any general advice would be appreciated thanks Tristan Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I would just not get involved at all with the children until it is very serious - close to or engaged. Kids get attached through dating and it's not fair to them to let that happen unless things are serious. Otherwise I don't see an issue with it - have fun! Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Yes, I agree with batya, I wouldn't get too close to them until the relationship seems to be more established. Link to comment
mumble Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 They are impressionable. If you display a loving partner role with their mother, by default you will become the established father figure. If the relationship with mom fails, they will be disappointed. The aforementioned is especially true if dad is not around. Link to comment
AusTrist Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Yeh their dad is a deadbeat druggie. I never really thought of it in that way though that the children will get attached to me like that. Ill just try to get to know her better and see how I go from there. I aint gunna just jump into a relationship with her but she does seem to have her act together though. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Yes, they might wind up seeing you as a stable male figure, and be disappointed, yet again, if another father figure goes away. They might even blame themselves. I agree with dating, just get to know her, see how things go. I'd say if you have been dating for 6 months, maybe then it might be time to meet the kids. Well, whatever your timeline is to get more serious, if you discover you really like her. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 too much drama for me to ever get involved with a girl like that. too many other women without the baggage. Link to comment
AusTrist Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 too much drama for me to ever get involved with a girl like that. too many other women without the baggage. Yeh true I see ur point but I think everyone deserves a chance. She seems on the ball and nice enough so why not. Im just gunna go with the flow and see how it goes. The kids dont bother me so much its just trying to do things with her Im not sure of how to go about it but she seems flexible enough to arrange things tho. She doesnt let them become an issue or anything which is good. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 First, I don't think "everyone deserves a chance" when it comes to dating - you date who you feel a click with and are interested in getting to know better, right? And it's fine to have preferences like "I strongly prefer not to date women with children" - so don't date her just to give "everyone a chance" because she has little free time most likely. As far as the kids not being an issue - yes, that is true now when you are dating casually. But you need to think ahead as far as whether, if you're seriously involved, you're willing to work entirely around her schedule to see her more often. And if you do get more serious, whether you can see yourself being comfortable in a stepfather role. Right now the kids are non-entities to you but they will not be for long. And they are not non-entities to her. Link to comment
shikashika Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I dated a guy with a child when I was 22. Never again. i'm sorry, but those kids definitely are an issue.. little kids get attached.. and like another poster said, sure you might get along with them well, but what happens if the two of you break up? not only would you be hurting yourself or your partner, but two youn impressionable children as well. in a way.. its almost selfish to think that you should do it just because you like her. I think you have to think of the other people you are affecting in this relaitonship as well. Kind of like dating someone knowing they have a partner... sure YOU aren't the one cheating, but you are part of the situation. kids who have separated parents have it tough enough.. I don't think its fair to go and 'jsut see how it goes' when you are playing with the children's emotions as well. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I was dating a guy with 2 kids and same here, never again. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 so what was this girl doing hooking up with druggies? how old is she anyways? girls like this can suck in young guys and ruin them. Link to comment
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