Broke up with him but I miss him so much!

[route1]

glitter be very careful i am still goin threw my problem with my ex that sounded simalr to yours but i did not get back because it would hurt her if it did not work. i am so lonley and confused but try put there feelings first. i just want to talk to her. i guess u could say i dont want her but dont want anyone to have her

[Derailed]

Congratulations, you got your second chance.

 

Don't break that man's heart again.

[Dazednconfused50]

Feeling guilty or bad is a good thing, for starters, It means that even if you felt right at the time, you do have a heart and that you do care for them!

But be very careful for both your sakes. If you think that it is a possability?

That is fine, just be very sure of your thoughts and feelings!

He had ideas as to where he wanted this all to go and at the time you did too.

So if you go to him, which by the way is o.k..

Just be sure in your heart that it is something that you are sure you would work for and fight for, but go to him with an open heart knowing that you may just be turned away!

If he does not, then tell him that you have been thinking about everything , what you have been doing, ( do not lie) And tell him that you would like to know if he has been thinking about you guys and what his thoughts are and just talk! Finding each other again isn't easy, there will be fained trust for him to give what he did before and you will have some proving to do in that reguard, As he and you will have to talk about all the issues that led to your break-up and delve deep into what it would take from the both of you to,

1) not let them reacure 2) point out when one or the other is doing one of those things before they get out of control, and 3) know that even if they do occur that neither is willing to walk away because of those things!\

 

The main point is if you go back to him what you are saying withoutt saying it ) Is, I am wanting a permanent and neverending relationship with you and am willing to go through all that it takes to make that happen and make you my life partner! If you cannot do that in your heart before you go to him, then there is no point!

Remember though that if you can say that to yourself and try this and get rejected, there is no reason for you to be mad at him, and now you will both have the same hurt as he did when you left but know now that you no longer have to feel guilty or be sad.

[glitter_dreams]

Well it has only been a little over a week but so far it feels great! We've done a lot of talking and been open and honest with each other, and we both know it won't be easy but we both really want it to work.

 

Thanks so much everyone for contributing in the thread!

[randomine]

I think we dont see any positive result on these forums not because there isnt any because people dont need these forums when the things are great. Everybody including myself try find an answer when we dont have any

[Con_fused]

I am in a very similar situation that you were in a few years ago, minus the weed. Just wondering what happened and if you 2 are still together?

[rachaelrose]

do not go back with him honestly i was in the same palce as you once. to the point were i could not eat because i missed her and the feeling of regret is awful but it does get better. you were in love with idea of that relationship not the person. yea you do love him but are not in love. i put my trust in god he gave me the answers. it will be like getting used to being single now. dont just go to clubs and pubs and snog any old tom * * * * and harry if thats not what you want enjoy being single for now because the right person is out there

 

I am in a very similar situation as well... I think you are exactly right route1 about liking the idea of the relationship and loving the person but not being IN love with the person. i miss him so much but i think that i mostly miss the companionship and having someone there to make me feel better and give me hugs and stuff... which is selfish.. I haven't been single in a long time and i feel really weird and alone plus i don't really have any desire to have another boyfriend anytime soon and definitely not hook up with anyone.. I love that you said you put your trust in God and found the answers.. i am trying to do that too but so far i haven't really found any answers that make me feel better about anything...

[oceansea]

If you want a clean, honest relationship - that can only be created by telling him the truth.

Any such lie not fully revealed, is a lie perpetuated. If you withhold a truth from him, especially one so significant for many people as having an affair, that is essentially disrespecting his rights to know the truth of what you have done, who you have been and still are ( by choosing to passively lie ) & manipulating him by withholding truthful disclosure.

 

Do you want him to love you, or your fragmented, deceitful projection of who you want him to idealize you as being? The latter would at best prevent an authentic connection and relationship not only with him, but with Truth and Life.

 

We all have a right to know what and who exactly we are choosing to relate personally with. And this can only be honored by mutual full honest revealing of not only our idealized aspects, but the choices, feelings, interestes, actions, etc which we are concerned someone may not like or agree with.

Truth can only be lived by being fully truthful. Omission is still a lie. So tell him the truth. Then you are really respecting him and his values, not just manipulating him into agreement when he does not know fully what and who he might be reconnecting with.

The beliefs, attitudes, feelings, actions & choices we have made while in a relationship with someone ( as well as while single ) are VERY relevent to respecting and allowing our partners ability to make informed, clear decisions about how, who and whether they relate with us. And vice versa.

 

If we have left our consciensce in tact, we would always know at our core that any relationship we have lied passively or assertively to enter into or maintain is therefore likely built on a lie. We must respect each others freedom to live our lives and relate according to our respective values, preferences and overall desire & need. This requires knowing the full honest truth, and therefore providing it voluntarily.

 

 

The only purpose in telling him you cheated would be to clear your own conscience.

You cheated with the "old' relationship so he doesn't need to know.

 

As for getting back with him, you sound very unsure so it's prob not what you really want.

When my ex dumped me, he went off and had multiple affairs and then 3 months later, contacted me again asking to be friends. Then told me the first night we met to talk, that he wanted me back. I took him back! Well 1 yr later, he dumped me again saying all the same stuff he said the yr prior to dumping my a*ss!

 

I've been around and my advice would be, don't tell him about the cheating or don't tell him you want him back. Be his friend, hang out and see how you feel.

That will benefit you both

[yonanz]

if u want a chance at reconciliatin, i suggest u not tell him the truth. certain tings..we have to carry it to the grave. i am of the opinion that telling hm the truth will most certainly intensify the hurt and slaughter all chances of reconciliation.

 

but of course, its a tug between your conscience and him. i will still suggest no telling him....right now. if u ever get togetehr with him sucessfully, then hide this secret to your grave. but do learn from your faults and never repeat it again. never never cheat on your partner, esp someone who loves you alot, because the moment of indiscretion will almost always result in a life time of regret.

[yonanz]

sounds very very convincing, but im not sure if it is an airtight logic. there are many people who cheat in a fleeting moment only to regret it terribly. sometimes we lose sight of what is important after a long r/s, and we begin to search for people outside to fill up the gap which has been left gaping for some time [ every r/s turns warm after 1-2 years]. we are left yearning for that excitement, that passion that we once had in the inital phases of our r/s, and i suspect this is the reason why we go out, in search of that phase of honeymoon period, that intense passion. but love is not momentary passion or interest. it is a marathon. every r/s the honeymoon period will come and go. i have come to realise that it is easy to confuse love with lust, and there are times when i got too close with otehr people only to realise that i still truly love my partner, who is sadly my ex nw

[Sweetie7]

I can so relate to this! I broke up with my ex of 2 n half years six months ago and i'm so confused atm were still in contact but whenever something bad happens at home or with friends/boys i always find myself finkin bout him. He is sucha great guy and i ripped his heart in two wen i ended it , i dont think i could bare that guilt again ..

[ellecoco]

I'm exactly in this same situation. The reason why i broke up with him is his attitude and a host of other things, which i think can be overcome with "enough patience and work". Everyone says it was the best decision, leaving him, i've ever made. But its been 4 months and i miss him so much right now, that it hurts.. I'm seeing someone right now, he is a good decent guy, but I miss my ex because he's the only one who can understand me, and knows what mood i'm in.. gosh i missed him so much.. im hurting.. What should i do?

[sharky988]

I'm exactly in this same situation. The reason why i broke up with him is his attitude and a host of other things, which i think can be overcome with "enough patience and work". Everyone says it was the best decision, leaving him, i've ever made. But its been 4 months and i miss him so much right now, that it hurts.. I'm seeing someone right now, he is a good decent guy, but I miss my ex because he's the only one who can understand me, and knows what mood i'm in.. gosh i missed him so much.. im hurting.. What should i do?

 

End the relationship with the new guy and see if your ex is interested in getting back together.

 

Just my opinion, but I've gone back to an ex who I came to miss many months after I broke up with him, and we were married for many many years after getting back together. Life is risk. If you really miss him, I say to go for it.

[sp367]

i don't know where to start with but i have made many mistakes in life...

the first one i was attracted to a boy who was already in a relationship..when i came to know about it i stooped talking to him...

then i started talking to my old frienfds on phone..when i was staying in the hostel..but i realised that who so ever talked me on phone got attracted towards me and started loving me...and i was so stupid i said yes to them and then may be with the passage of time my interest from them vanished away...so i kind of called off the relationships...

those people still abuse me for that and i dont have the courage to meet them and sort out those things because i never loved them it was just an attraction for a short span of time...

now the real problem arisses...after dumping 2 boys i started talking to mr. X and we got into a relationship...this was the only person who knew about my past relationships and also about my crush..

then he said stop talking to everyone else and i did the same and got commited to him. i took him to meet my best friends and introduced him to everyone whom i knew...the problem is that me , Mr x and mr.X's elder brother , all three of us...rather all 6 of us(my first crush mr.A and other 2 boyfriends) were in the same class(11-12) , and all this phone friendship and relationship started after 12th class was over.

 

now the problem is that mr X's elder brother also loved me and proposed me once but i clearly said no to him , but somehow he knew about my and Mr. X s relationship . this was the reason why mr. X was never able to confront his elder brother..but i never wanted that the two brothers fight or ignore each other because of me..

in the meantime i met a boy during my training and we talked to each other and at the end he said he loves me and he proposed me...at that time i said no (not only because i was in a relationship but also because mr.X called this new boy and told him about our relationship)...

 

 

but this new boy always asked me that why do u spend time with me if you don't love me and other many questions...may be he kind of brain washed me...

then stupidly i realised that i loved him ...and called off the relationship with Mr. X...

in the beginning i thought this new guy is perfect for me and i don't love mr.X anymore..

 

but its been more than 4 months and,,, not only now but after a few weeks of my new relationship i realised that i was wrong and this new guy was just convincing me..

the problem is that i stupidly have kissed this new boy and this new boy has tried to be friendly with my body....

..

now my conscience does not allow me to go back to mr.X beacuse i have cheated him...and ..secondly exams are coming soon ...if i leave this new boy , his exams might go wrong...plus i feel i dont deserve mr.X and i pray that he moves on in life with some new girl..as even if i go back to him we can't get married because our caste is not the same and i don't want to go against the family but i still want to be with him....he still calls me but i have to talk to him very rudely so that he forgets me as i don't deserve him....but one thing i know for sure...

 

one day or the other i am going to call this new relationship off and am never going to be in any more realtionships , i have made up my mind that i won't marry.......but for now what should i do...?

[blondy88]

Well I can kind of put things in his perspective since I am in his position. My boyfriend broke up with me because we were fighting a lot and he was unhappy but he still loves me. You ex probably was hoping at the beginning you would wan't to get back together but how long have you been doing NC? He has most likely come to the conclusion there is no chance of getting back together so there are 2 options

1. Leave him alone, he has probably finally started to move on and you confusing him by wanting to get back together could move him backwards and he could get hurt again.

2. You could try again and he may be happy about this but you should go in with complete honestly on your cheating, otherwise your relationship is a lie. He deserves to know.

 

To be honest some relationships that are successful have been through the worst but at this point you need to think about what is best for him and maybe letting him move on is best for him.

[srichards1556]

I am literally going through the EXACT same thing as you and i mean EXACT....It made me happy that i'm not the only person going through this.....i just had one question to anyone who wants to answer....but what happens if you really want to get back with them? because you miss THEM not just out of being lonely and single or not just the relationship...you actually miss them because they were best friend and the best thing that could of happened to you..and want them back cause you cant imagine your life w/o them.......but you dont want to admit you screwed up....the screw up just helped you realize how much they actually ment to you and how perfect they were with all the stupid fights and **** and you could of just talked to them and worked out the not being attracted thing but oyu didnt realize it till now...

[aw4919]

Here's a perspective from someone recently dumped who wants her bf back more than anything in the world.

 

It would hurt me if we got back together and broke up again, true. But it would hurt me more to never hear from him again. In my own personal situation, which may or may not relate to yours, I would love to hear from him, even on the least romantic of terms. I'd like a chance to really get to talk to each other about absolutely everything, to start and friends and take it painfully slow for years (or forever), even if he wants to date other people in the meantime. I'm not looking to jump in where we left off. I'm not even looking for a relationship necessarily, although if enough time was invested, I would consider it. I'm looking for progress towards getting my best friend back. I love him enough that I want him to be happy, be it with me or another. This doesn't mean I'm pining around and not getting on with my life, this means that I LOVE him. In the unconditional sense. I love everything about who he is. Some people think I have him on a pedestal. Some people can suck it because they don't know him. But it's hard for me to read all of this advice sometimes saying that you shouldn't reach out when it's all I want. I want to know if he's hurting. Even if it's years from now. This isn't a game for me, this isn't me trying to manipulate or control who he is or what he does. I will find the strength in myself to move on when I'm ready, but I can't imagine just never hearing from him again. That's the only part that really kills me.

 

So you know your exes better than any of us. You have to decide how much it would hurt them to hear from you in the context of friendship, which may or may not ever lead to a relationship. But don't not call just because people who are uninvolved think it would be a bad idea.