blink_guy Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 so my gf has a history of annorexia...about 2 years ago she realised she had an eating disorder and spent a month or two trying to get rid of it. lately shes been saying that shes never hungry and she eats 2 "meals" a day and they consist of a cup of coffee in the morning and maybe half a serving for dinner.its not like shes even the slightest over weight either she is just the most gorgous girl ive ever met. she also does tell me shes self conscious. at lunch at school ive been bringing her bagels and cinnamon buns and some juice and sorta bugging her to eat. she eats them but i kinda feel like im being her second dad. am i doing the right thing? she insists that she doesnt have a disorder and that its just a non hungry phase shes going through. waht should i do?? Link to comment
Jonboy582 Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Maybe she is depressed. I have been depressed lately and well I don't have an appetite. I measure over a day and a half I consumed 200 calories I should have had 3750 in that time. Its rather worrying me I want my appetite back. Think the same could be happening to her? If so fathering her to eat could be causing her to get more depressed. Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Hmm, was she ever diagnosed or actually treated for anorexia? With true anorexia, you don't just "get over it" in a month or two. It takes a lot of healing, and both a mental and physical approach. Like any illness or addiction, it is also something you "live with" forever as you always need to be careful of being triggered and aware of the slippery slope. I would say she is definitely showing signs she has complex issues with food, and that it is not healthy. The non-hungry phase is a common one anorexics claim to avoid answering prying people.....truth is, she is hungry (or her body is so far gone she really isn't) but it's not a "phase". She needs to talk to a professional...nagging her about it makes one more resilient in holding onto the problem/behaviour from personal experience. You live in a lot of denial, shame and silence when dealing with an eating disorder...nagging just pushes you further into that road. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted November 2, 2007 Author Share Posted November 2, 2007 well ive always been her crutch...when she had problems she came to me when she needed to talk to someone she came to me. so do u think i shouldjust elave her alone? Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Well, no you should be supportive, but supportive of her talking to a professional. I have to be honest, when I was anorexic, I was in no way truly ready for a relationship - I was in one, and I treated him well, but I really needed to do a lot of work on myself before being ready to be in a relationship with someone else. She really needs to speak to a professional, and get some help, or she will drag herself, and you along with the relationship down. Creating a dependency on you is not healthy - being someones "crutch" does not foster healthy personal growth, or a relationship and it is unfair to you as well because your needs often will be ignored (if not always) as she is the one that keeps "taking". Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 I agree that a true anorexic has a hard time with a relationship and the only relationship they should be tending to is the one they have with themselves. Being her crutch is not healthy at all and not a very good recipe for a partnership. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted November 2, 2007 Author Share Posted November 2, 2007 well shes always there for me when i need to. like when my mom mom was diagnosed with cancer 3 weeks ago she baked us cookies and came and gave them to us. she would call every night so i can vent. like we were best friends befoer we started dating. its alwayus been a pretty deep relationship. and if thats the case then she never was truly annorexic because she never had to take any long term professional help. she just had somekind of disorder where she wasnt hungry and she would eat and apple a day and throw up then go for a run to burn it off. she was an lingerie model so her agents were always tellign her to lose weight thus teh self confidence issue. but she is soo convinced taht this time its not a chronic problem liek last year. i just dont understand how she has a self confidence problem shes absolutely beautiful. do many girls have that problem? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 and if thats the case then she never was truly annorexic because she never had to take any long term professional help. Just because she never got professional help doesn't mean she was never anorexic. It only means she has not yet ever been properly treated. We are not suggesting she wasn't there for you, we are saying that an anorexic has a serious need to take care of themselves before they should be in a giving and loving relationship with another person. YOu have to love yourself first for a relationship to be successful and an anorexic has a very difficult time doing that. It seems clear she has some things to work on. And your being her crutch won't help her heal even tho it seems the right thing to do since you once leaned on her. Leaning on someone in times of need is different than being someone's crutch. Being their crutch creates dependency and they can't heal properly on their own. Link to comment
gnr_12345 Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 so waht do u suggest i do? i mean i get waht u guys are saying and all but is it really nessesairy to end our relationship? like she does have a lot of stress in her life. she is busier than anyone i know. she has very high expectations of her self and from her parents to do well in school. she does alot of charity work and fine arts stuff. she has a job and everything. she says that the only reason she can get by is cause im there for her. her parents want her to quit some of her stuff but she really doesnt want to. and i think its kinda unfair for them to force that on her because she needs them to be supportive instead they yell at her for being disobediant. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 so waht do u suggest i do? i mean i get waht u guys are saying and all but is it really nessesairy to end our relationship? like she does have a lot of stress in her life. she is busier than anyone i know. she has very high expectations of her self and from her parents to do well in school. she does alot of charity work and fine arts stuff. she has a job and everything. she says that the only reason she can get by is cause im there for her. her parents want her to quit some of her stuff but she really doesnt want to. and i think its kinda unfair for them to force that on her because she needs them to be supportive instead they yell at her for being disobediant. I am confused. Are you also the OP? Link to comment
blink_guy Posted November 2, 2007 Author Share Posted November 2, 2007 yaa for somereason it wouldnt let me log on so i made another one...i guess i forgot to clarify haha. her weight situation shes not underweight and shes definatly not over weight either. like shes jsut beautiful and im not sayign that just because im her bf. like shes just drop dead gorgous and one of the most attractive girls i have ever met Link to comment
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