watching a friends marriage fall apart from both sides!

[flower99]

hey there

any imput you have would be great.

I'm a little lost here, I have this friend we've been friends for 7 or 8 years, since before her & husband met.

They've been married just over 5 years. Now according to her, they don't communicate there is next to never sex, they hardly talk, they are roommates living together with 2 children. Her and I always talk & go for coffee, i've always given her advice, suggested couselling to her so they coudl learn to communicate with eachother....ect. our kids are the same age, we're get together regularly & her husband I get along great to.

 

Now recently I've joined facebook (yeah stupid I know) her husband added me as friend. I think good of him, I've always thought of him as a good man & father. but now that I'm on his facebook, I see things a little differently.

I see he's not happy in his marriage either. And I see he's seeking attention on his page. I thought she was just unhappy, but I'm seeing he is too. when my husband & I got married he said to my husband, "congratulations..Now your life is over till you have kids."

 

She came to me before with her problem of him always being on facebook & closing the computer when she gets in the room. She was was concerned. And bothered because from the time he gets home from work till bed time he's always on there. At that time, his site was innocent & made me think good of him. So i showed her it & told her nothing to worry about just trust him.

 

Since then He's added a lot to his page 'are you intrested in me' 'naughty gifts' 'am I hot or not" 'sexualy misadventures'...just things that when married seems to be asking for the wrong attention. And a wall post full of flirty women....And a question that says 'are we always happy with our other half'

 

there marriage is crumbling quickly, 2 younge children in the middle. She close to being fed up, and I see he isn't happy either. She doesn't know how to communicate with him anymore & I guess they are always snappy with eachother. I know they love eachother..they were a wonderful couple...but the last 3 years have gone down hill fast, and faster now that he got a computer.

 

I'm just not sure whether i should say something. Do I say anything to her? I don't want to rat him out or anything...should I say anything to him???

 

I just don't want to get involved, but at the same time....watching thier marriage fall apart without saying something is hard & I almost feel like I should say something...but what could I really say? I'd like to help them if there was anything I could do?

maybe I should just stay out of it, and watch nature take it's course..?

what would you do ?

[flower99]

. Although, that may tip your hand early and if it turns out that you misunderstood his intent, your relationship with him will never be the same.

Exactly, I agree. I'm afraid if I say something to him now, it could damage our relationship. that's my fear. I doubt he'd tell her though, because they seriously don't talk. And if he told her I said something, she'd know it must of been worth saying.

 

however today i noticed he has this 'what do you think of me' and it says it's Anonymous...so I started thinking, maybe I could write something there? he won't know who it's from, maybe it might open his eyes?? but than again, maybe it would just stir up crap. maybe that's not wise....maybe sidelines is the best spot

 

Thank you for understanding & your input, Seafarer .

[keenan]

Ugh. I'd probably stay out of it for now, as well. I have a feeling it will come to a head sooner rather than later, and then you'll probably be dragged into it anyway. BUT...if you feel that you really ought to say something, I can imagine one way that might work. What if you said to him, very innocently, something like "Wow, you've got some pretty provocative stuff on your Facebook page right now. Do you intend for it to look like that?" This let's him know in a non-accusatory way that the sexual content is obvious to anyone who looks at it (not just a hypersensitive wife) *and* that you think it's inappropriate. It also lets him know that he might soon be dealing with his wife making the same observation (either independently or after being clued in by you). This puts the burden on him to change the page or acknowledge that there is something deeper going on. Either way, it's a 'soft' warning that isn't threatening in any way.