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Ex Lying? What does this mean guys


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I went to see my ex after a few weeks because he missed me and I missed him. We took a break because we argued alot and he wanted to think about our relationship and said it had nothing to do with wanting to date other women. I gave him his space, but we missed each other and I went over to his place. We were having a great time and were happy, started to make love and then I told him I stopped taking the pill. He said we should use a condom, fine with me..but here is the deal..we never used condoms, but I know he had some in his dresser accross the room for a while. All the sudden he reaches in the nightstand next to the bed and pulled one out. I know they were never there before because I used to keep my overnight things in there. I was so upset. He said he doesnt know why he moved them, but that he had not had sex with anyone. I think the intentions alone are enough...what does that mean and how should i react to this...leave him for good????

 

---[added by secret_agent_man from a follow up post]---

"First of all, I just want to say that it was good to see you last night and I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did this morning. In regard to the condom deal...they are old and have been in my possession for quite some time. Now whether or not they have been in my dresser or my nightstand is beside the point"

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Hello, I understand your concern, but I would like to add a different side to this.

 

I know this might not make sense, but even if he did move the condoms to the nightstand for a specific reason, that reason was quite possibly "just in case", if you know what I mean.

 

Technically, you two are separated right now, and although he may not have plans to be with someone else, take heart in the fact that he may just want to be careful about a situation that comes up.

 

It seems that he isn't hiding anything, but whether you trust him or not is up to you, nobody can decide that but yourself. One thing I want to stress is that if you are uncomfortable about this, try not to keep it all inside, make sure you discuss it with him before it gets out of control in your head...

 

Good luck!

S.A.M.

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I understand using a condom is important, but my issue is:

 

Why are they all of the sudden in the nightstand next to his bed, if he is keeping me strung along telling me he loves me and is confused and does not want to see other women and just needs time alone. If he has condoms in the drawer now that were not there before, then he is obviously using them or intended to, thereforeeee, he is just keeping me in the background 'just in case' I don't want to be lead on.....opinions..?? Should I just cut all ties now and save myself the headache...we thought we would marry and have been dating almost 2 years....is it over and he sleeping with other girls and keeping me as backup...guys??? HELP!

 

PS - I inserted the edit from the email that he sent me

PSS I am 29, he is 32

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---[side note]---

confusedwhcb, I edited the post, and I am a moderator, it was not her ex

---

 

Anyway... if you don't want to feel like a "backup", then don't let yourself be one. In other words, remove yourself from the situation, and you won't risk being used.

 

Think about it this way... he's going to do what he wants to do anyway, he's free to do it now. If in time you two can grow back together, you will have to choose then whether you want to forgive his past or not. If you stick around and let him have the benefits of you when he wants them, without giving you what you want, he'll never figure it out for sure.

 

The only choice you can make at this point is what you want to do with your OWN life. If you want to be used, you can let that happen. If not, you can bite the bullet and walk away. If it was meant to be, he will come back...

 

That's my opinion, and I didn't mean to sound harsh in any way, I've just been there myself and learned the hard way.

I hope it helps!

S.A.M.

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No you were not harsh. I guess inside I know that I need to let go, it is hard though. I think we are both really frustrated with each other at this point. Who knows, maybe time will heal all wounds...and I will address my issues when he comes back around (and you know he will, they always do) haha. Thanks

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This happened to me. An ex and I broke up and he did start sleeping with someone else. He slept with me too. He wasnt going to stop until I cut him off. This guy may not be sleeping with someone else. You will never know. Dont sleep with him again until you are back in a relationship with him. He is getting it easy. He doesnt even have to be with you to get some. How good is that! Be friends if you want but not lovers. If you have to go through this stress, you need to tell him that you want him back. If he says not right now or no then just move on. We all say that we were best friends with our ex's or that we had all of these good times. Well that is the past and one cannot live in the past.

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