Bamabelle

Thank you for taking the time to listen and respond. You have really helped make everything clear. I wish the best for all of you.. The Morrigan lil_mamarains13 Beec I don't think I will be visiting here for a while...maybe next time it will be on a good topic.. Paula

For me it is better to have loved and lost. (And I am even going through a break up that I do not want to do, but have to). Life is one big book...your life in multiple chapters. I have loved only twice and I am 29, but I look back at my first love and I still care for him even though I was devistated. He is still my distant friend and we shared something very special..(you only realize this after the hurt is gone). That is why this break up (although, equally as heartbreaking) is easier to accept, knowing that everything does truly happen for a reason and each person is put into your life for a reason with a tremendous purpose. You sometimes learn things about yourself, and sometimes you are the teacher. Either way, you never forget that person and they do not forget you. Although I feel empty inside, I know one day I meet someone that fills my heart again, but even stronger and deeper, and that person deserves to be loved like I have never lost....everyone deserves true, unconditional love. And who knows, what is around the corner... ~Bama

I have posted several questions about my last guy...if interested see posts by Bamabelle. Now it has been six months since our break up, we still talk about 3 times a week and see each other about once during the week. He is still confused, never asks me out, when I ask to start over...he is still not sure. I felt like I was turning into a freak because I would not give up after 6 months, yet he would not tell me "no I don't want to be with you". I never caught him with anyone else during this time...trust me I tried...But after 6 months a friend that I have known for a year and have been attracted to hit on me. I kissed him and then I made him leave because I was so freaked out that I loved my guy and I was upset that I even had kissed him. But at the same time, wondering what was being done as far as my ex hooking up while keeping me strung along. About 2 weeks later I had a party at my house and the my 'friend' was here and I did have a little too much to drink (No excuse, I am 29), and I finally thought, "girl, you need to move on, get a grip and realize that if your ex has not really given you what you need after 6 months, you are a stalker...hehe) So me and my friend ended up having sex. I know that is a little sad in itself that I was not even in love with him, in addition looking for the experience to make me feel better or to help me move on. I guess that is another issue to talk about later...but my problem... The day after, I felt horrible and decided to tell my ex what I had done and that I realized that I do truly love him and made a huge mistake. He was blowing me off and said he could not talk to me and wanted to know what it was about and then remarked that if it had to do with our relationship he did not want to discuss it. I became a little hysterical, angry that I was coming to him with something very important and he could have cared less. When he denied me, I did a stupid physco girl thing and went straight to his house. He was so mad that he finally said, that he did not love me anymore and we should not be together, that I was emotionally unstable at that time because I was crying. Crying because I had sex with another guy and because he truly did not seem to care about my needs anymore. I left without telling him, since it really did not matter anymore because he finally said 'take off' basically. A week later he called and we had a nice talk about everything except us. he came over that night and I wanted him there so badly, but I was sick with myself because he wanted to make love and I let him without telling his about the other guy. I finally had him somewhat with me and I was too afraid to lose him again, thinking that it would only hurt him. After Thanksgiving (about a week and a half later) everything was changing...he seemed to be doing all the things I wanted and things were looking up. One night he sat me down and asked if I had slept with anyone. I will not lie, so I told him what happened, why I did it, and what I learned. He was furious, calling me names, telling me that I did not love him. WE WERE BROKEN UP, but he said that he still loved me all that time and out of respect for me he never slept with anyone. He made me feel like the biggest loser ever. But for six months he was confused, left me hanging, and had ever told me it was over a month ago. But of course I kept trying...what the h*ll!! Now I am the bad guy??? He wants nothing to do with me now, but continues to harass me and make me feel like total trash. If I had any idea that he still felt that way, I would have never done that. Either 1) he truly was confused and needed space and was honest when he said he did not want to date anyone...thereforeeee I slept with this other guy because of my own mistrust or insecurity or 2) He is just pissed now and is playing a great game with my mind by blame shifting everything so now he does not feel like he has done anything wrong. He keeps text messaging me, one minute he still loves me the next I am loser tramp. I want to just slap him!! Might I remind you that the thing that lead us here was his actual lying and cheating on me to begin with, in which stupid me) took his sorry butt back and never really recovered from the instance...oh my....I reminded him of that and he had the nerve to tell me that what I did was different.....he is crazy I think and obviously cannot even comprehend what he has put me through, but can only think of his needs. I am trying to ignore him, even though I have wanted him for so long. I know he will never get over this, and he feels that I did this just to spite him...I know this is long. I should have written a book....tell me what to do now...how do I let someone go that I loved so much, when they won't stop telling me that they love me.

This is an update to my previous email. My ex guy started calling me and asking me to do things with him, dinner, hang out...etc..but it usually spur of the moment. A few months ago I would have dropped everything to hang out, but now that I have made it over the hump I am more reserved. He has asked me to dinner twice, I was either tired or not hungry so I declined. Before I would have suffered and met him. He plays soccer and I have always wanted to go see him play but it never worked out. Last Sunday he called me 10 minutes prior to his practice and asked if I wanted to meet him 15 miles away to see the game. I was asleep and I jumped out of bed excited and ready to go. I then realized how far it was and that it was rediculous to stress myself to get there in time. I opted not to go, now he seems angry because he says that everytime he trys to do something with me that I turn him down and that he will not ask anymore. I think it is unfair, why can't he ask ahead of time?? I told him this and he said that I was being to difficult and to forget he started calling and I was too much work...I am confused...does he really want to be with me, has he realized he was wrong or is he trying to trap me back into his web. I don't understand why he cannot make plans ahead of time, if he really wanted to he would...he is being lazy and I don't know whether to give it another try or run like hell. He seems to make me feel guilty no matter what...I am still confused help

No you were not harsh. I guess inside I know that I need to let go, it is hard though. I think we are both really frustrated with each other at this point. Who knows, maybe time will heal all wounds...and I will address my issues when he comes back around (and you know he will, they always do) haha. Thanks

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I would even offer for you to stay with me!! haha, don't ever feel trapped...get out. I know it is hard, but a womans intuition is the strongest emotion ever. At least you're not married to him with childern. YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!!

I understand using a condom is important, but my issue is: Why are they all of the sudden in the nightstand next to his bed, if he is keeping me strung along telling me he loves me and is confused and does not want to see other women and just needs time alone. If he has condoms in the drawer now that were not there before, then he is obviously using them or intended to, thereforeeee, he is just keeping me in the background 'just in case' I don't want to be lead on.....opinions..?? Should I just cut all ties now and save myself the headache...we thought we would marry and have been dating almost 2 years....is it over and he sleeping with other girls and keeping me as backup...guys??? HELP! PS - I inserted the edit from the email that he sent me PSS I am 29, he is 32

I went to see my ex after a few weeks because he missed me and I missed him. We took a break because we argued alot and he wanted to think about our relationship and said it had nothing to do with wanting to date other women. I gave him his space, but we missed each other and I went over to his place. We were having a great time and were happy, started to make love and then I told him I stopped taking the pill. He said we should use a condom, fine with me..but here is the deal..we never used condoms, but I know he had some in his dresser accross the room for a while. All the sudden he reaches in the nightstand next to the bed and pulled one out. I know they were never there before because I used to keep my overnight things in there. I was so upset. He said he doesnt know why he moved them, but that he had not had sex with anyone. I think the intentions alone are enough...what does that mean and how should i react to this...leave him for good???? ---[added by secret_agent_man from a follow up post]--- "First of all, I just want to say that it was good to see you last night and I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did this morning. In regard to the condom deal...they are old and have been in my possession for quite some time. Now whether or not they have been in my dresser or my nightstand is beside the point"

Here is what started it all…. Me and my guy have been together a year and a half. about six months into our relationship a girl moved here that wanted to be with him. He lied to me about many things and I caught him. Unlike her when she found out what was going on she would not talk to him. he called me and told me that he loved me and i took him back. I never regained trust...that girl became friends with his girlfriends and when she is around I think that maybe she will want him back and I was insecure and jealous. he said he would never be with her again...but I was always sceptical. now a year later, if I dont go out his friends go out and she is around sometimes. I get angry and think something is going on. he got mad and said I dont trust him...I tried for so long but i cant stand her being around. now he wants to take a break because he feels i dont trust him and he cant go on with me constantly reminding him of what he did. how can i move on when she is around. anyways, now he does not want to be with me becuase he says i will never get over it. now i miss him, but he does not want to get back together. he says he loves me, but he doesnt feel i will ever trust him. what do i do..wait for him..i do love him, but it is hurtful... is this his easy way of letting me go or does he really think time will heal our issues...i am becoming more resentful by the day.Help, how to establish trust Update (now what) I know this will sound bad, but my boyfriend was really pulling away, but wanted to keep me on a string. I was willing to give him time to think about our relationship. He said he was not interested in dating other women. Well here is the clincher. He checked his voicemail from my cell phone and thereforeeee left his password in my phone. I could not help but want to know if he was lying to me or being honest. I started checking his messages and there were several girls calling him. I was furious. I finally broke it off and came clean about me checking his phone. He said he was just talking to them, and that he loves me but he is confused....what in the world do i do? I said we should not talk, but he says that he misses me and is scared and that he might be making a mistake. We are broken up, but neither one of us can completely let go. I feel he is sincere, what do i do?

I know this will sound bad, but my boyfriend was really pulling away, but wanted to keep me on a string. I was willing to give him time to think about our relationship. He said he was not interested in dating other women. Well here is the clincher. He checked his voicemail from my cell phone and thereforeeee left his password in my phone. I could not help but want to know if he was lying to me or being honest. I started checking his messages and there were several girls calling him. I was furious. I finally broke it off and came clean about me checking his phone. He said he was just talking to them, and that he loves me but he is confused....what in the world do i do? I said we should not talk, but he says that he misses me and is scared and that he might be making a mistake. We are broken up, but neither one of us can completely let go. what do i do?

This is from my boyfriend, does this mean it is really over and he is letting me down easy?? Hi. Just wanted to say hello this morning. I was kind of sad last night when you left. I just don't know what to do right now at this point in our relationship. I know that I love you but there are some major issues that we both have that I'm skeptical at times whether or not we will ever move past. I hope that you don't resent me for wanting to take a break for a while to see how we both feel. It has nothing to do with my desire to date other people. I could care less about that. I'm hoping though that it will give some clarity and possibly a new found appreciation to our relationship and not the opposite, however I guess time will tell. I feel like you could use some time as well to figure out if you feel like I'm capable of even giving you what you are looking for in a companion (because of all the complaining on your part, the threats of breaking up, etc.). All I know is that neither one of us seem to be very happy at this point in our relationship and I feel like time to think about things and hopefully find solutions may help. I don't know though. I guess we will see. I'm going to try my best not to call you this week because I want us to really think about things separately. Again, I hope that you don't resent me for wanting to do this. Have a good week. Maybe we should talk again on Sunday? What do you think? Are you going out of town this weekend? Take care. Love, Stephen

Well this just sucks cause I really thought the world of him. What an immature jerk. I should have known, I had a gut feeling...but I took a chance o well. Thanks for your help

You are quick. My instincts say dump him...it is really hard though. Why do men do this. Usually a guy breaks up and they are out of there. I am his first girlfriend in 5 years. I guess he is insecure. At least I am not having sex with him anymore..so he is definitely not getting that!!!

My boyfriend and I finally broke up. He says that he loves me and does not want to lose me and he is confused. So for a month or so now, I have been waiting for him to figure things out. I did not date because I really wanted to be with this guy. He says he has no interest in dating other women, but I recently found out that when he goes out with his friends he get various girls numbers. I also found out that he has been talking regularly with them. I even went to a party where he was hanging out with a girl that he knew was clearly wanting him. He said he was not interested. Maybe he does not want to put forth the effort to date, but why is he starting these mini-relationships with these girls. Does that mean I should move on. I tried to tell him the other night that I knew about all of these girls (about five) and he was shocked. I told him it was over and he said he loved me and I replied that he could not possibly love me. He wants his cake and to eat it too. I deserve better than that. I told him it was over, and he kept saying "but I love you and don't want to lose you' . Sounds like he knows I am a good thing, but I am not "THE ONE" and he doesnt realize it yet. Is he just getting scared because we have dated a year and a half? Should I stay or go. When I left his house the other night and would not answer my phone, he came knocking on my door. When I act okay with our situation he treats me like crap, when I finally bail he freaks out and won't leave me alone. As hard as it is, I am over this. I want him out of my life, I think. What do I do, and if he ever does truly come back, how do I know it's for real??

For your replies. I guess I lost myself and became insecure. If I love him I realize now what a pain I've been. What do I do to get him back? Do I leave him alone and let the drama cool off or do I go after him telling him that i am sorry and beg for him to take me back. I think that would make me look like a fool. Everything is so fragile right no, I do not want to make the wrong step. Just be his friend and hope that fate steps in and one day we can look at each other and fall in love again. Thanks everyone for your comments, it really helped me!!!

Me and my guy have been together a year and a half. about six months into our relationship a girl moved here that wanted to be with him. He lied to me about many things and I caught him. Unlike her when she found out what was going on she would not talk to him. he called me and told me that he loved me and i took him back. I never regained trust...that girl became friends with his girlfriends and when she is around I think that maybe she will want him back and I was insecure and jealous. he said he would never be with her again...but I was always sceptical. now a year later, if I dont go out his friends go out and she is around sometimes. I get angry and think something is going on. he got mad and said I dont trust him...I tried for so long but i cant stand her being around. now he wants to take a break because he feels i dont trust him and he cant go on with me constantly reminding him of what he did. how can i move on when she is around. anyways, now he does not want to be with me becuase he says i will never get over it. now i miss him, but he does not want to get back together. he says he loves me, but he doesnt feel i will ever trust him. what do i do..wait for him..i do love him, but it is hurtful... is this his easy way of letting me go or does he really think time will heal our issues...i am becoming more resentful by the day.