Proper Way To Handle?

[sunshine13]

Situation:

You are dating a guy for a short time. He has just gotten out of relationship and makes a promise that things are over with him and the ex.

She confronts you, tells you that he is still sleeping with her etc. . . on your birthday in front of a bar full of people.

He says she is crazy, psycho, trying to ruin his life. It is over. He wants to be with you! He would never answer her calls, let alone take her back.

Over the brief period that you date he offers you a key to his house, invites you over to meet his parents, talks to you non-stop about future plans.

But you still have doubts about the ex b/c she calls in the middle of the night. You have to avoid certain places that she goes.

You decide you can't have this feeling of insecurity anymore. . .so you end things.

You are still on decent terms with this person. You text every once in a while to say hello (although responses are not always given) . . you see him out and he comes over to talk to you and see how you are doing and offers to help you move

THEN. .. . .

You see him (although he doesn't see you) holding hands w/the ex. Then you tell a friend about it and ask if they are back together. She says yes and then says that he has been going around telling everyone that YOU are a lunatic. Shows people that you text and says you can't leave him alone.

How would you react?

[Papillion]

i'd pull his baws out via his throat.

[hannah43]

wow, well i'd say you were very smart getting out of there when u did, he's obviously the mental person, and good luck to both of them!!!

I wouldn't beat yourself up trying to think about whether she was telling the truth, and they were still sleeping together while he was with you. Because whats the point!

 

And i hope ur not avoiding anywhere anymore!

[Dako]

That sucks.

I'd figure the attraction clouded my judgement. I'd toss any souvenirs and try to forget the weasel. Hindsight is 20/20, so don't beat yourself up.

He's a jerk.

[sunshine13]

I am not avoiding anywhere anymore

It actually gave me a lot more a clear perspective on the person that I was dealing with.

What is a mature way to let him know that you are aware of what is going on?

BC as of right now he still thinks he is getting away with something.

[JeckyllNHyde]

omg...

sorry to hear this suck fest happened.

specially the last part where he calls YOU a lunatic.

forget about him, what a jerk!

 

i was in a similar situation, where i was dating a guywho had just come out of a relationship. he told me it was over, and i believed him, and then he even told his ex about me. that is when she went psycho and me and him had to be sot of downlow b/c she too was "looking" for me/looking to see who i was and come accross me somewhere on the road so she could do god knows what to me, lol. what? pull my hair? beat the crap out of me? who cared, i was still dating her guy at that moment and he was calling her a psycho.

but basically if i was at his house i didnt feel at ease, and we had just stopped going out al together. then one day he ended it and said he needed to be alone. oh yea and might i add, 3 weeks prior he confessed to me he slept with her. he had given in to her advances. i was heartbroken.

neways, then he broke it off and they are maybe together, but hearing the stories about her thru him asures me they wont last too long. i never contacted him after though since he said he would contact me when he was ready to date.. i was a fool to believe that crap. still sorta do though.

 

advice to you: dont ever speak to him again. he lied about you and lied to you as well about him and the ex. chances are just like my guy i was dating, he caved in after she kept offering sex and then they decided to give it another shot. it sucks! and even i hate admitting it to myself, but i try just not to care at all. you dont need to tell him you know or let him know, b/c he is so immature already, anything you do he will lie about

[Dako]

I'd tell him to lose your number and not insult you with further contact.

Beyond that, you're wasting your breath on a lost cause.

[bubblyblonde11]

How would I react - before or after I had stabbed him in his heart with the nearest thing to hand and pick his eyes out with a tooth pick, and poured boiling hot coffee over his balls??

 

Tell him to go F himself, your better off without him and getting someone who wouldn't do that too you.

 

My heart goes out to you hunny.

 

((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

xxxx

[amtjrtcet]

I'd be glad that I broke up with him. And I'd also assume that my intutitons and instincts were right.

[Kraegorn]

I'd say, this situation really sucks. On the other hand, you now know that guys with unfinished business with their ex's should be totally avoided. The signs were all there from the beginning. I'm sure later down the road when you're doing better, you'll think back and have some good laughs about this one.

[freudj2000]

What a jerk! I would not spend a single minute on him. Write his name on a piece of paper, cross it, and be done with it.

 

Sorry this happened to you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So, he is telling everyone that you are a lunatic....but remember, he also said his ex was crazy, psycho etc and he is back with her. Sounds to me that he is projecting how he feels about HIMSELF on to the women he is with. That is a classic ploy of someone with issues...everyone else is psycho and they themselves are normal and the victim. This game enables the two "rival" women to have a low opinion of each other while relishing the attention of the "man in the middle" who is enjoying the power game.

 

I had this game played on me except I now only recognize it in hindsight...at the time it happened it never crossed my mind that someone could play games like that....I remember meeting the woman who, at the time, I didn't realize had some kind of connection to my now ex. I was supposed to be the one dating this guy and I noticed her smirking and poking fun at me with her friend. I had asked my now ex about it because I did not know her from a hole in the wall, and he made light of it. I now realize he must have made some comments to her about me probably about how I was after him blah blah (although we had just started dating so it was supposed to be mutual), so she made sport of me. That also explains why he was trying to keep the fact that we had just started dating a secret from his friends. I had met her briefly a couple of other times prior to this incident but didn't really know her but had seen that she was a very unkind and selfish person...although I had known they were friends, and before I dated him, she had once sat down and monopolized the conversation with him, totally ignoring me, I had never noticed any real romantic connection between her and my now ex. I also suspect there was a third woman involved that he was playing head games with at the same time....unlike the other woman, she clearly liked him and may have actually dated him, but he didn't seem to be into her although he did seem rather concerned that she may have tried to extract information from me about my connection with him. The ironic thing is that this man had two women who actually really cared about him and yet he made sport of them, snubbed them and ended up marrying the unkind, selfish woman who didn't seem to care about him romantically and was only using him. The one he married is the one he betrayed me for.....and he is still trying to treat me as the other woman, pretending that he is going to be ending the relationship with her etc....basically, the same stunt he pulled on me with her, he is now doing the reverse. Whatever she may be, it is just as wrong to disrespect her.

[sunshine13]

I kind of just wanted to send a text and saying "thanks for lying and topping it off by calling me a lunatic!" Just so he doesn't think he got away w-someone. . . NO???

[freudj2000]

Why not? As long as it is the last communication, I don't see why not.

[sunshine13]

Trust me. . . I do not want any further communication with him. I just don't want him walking away from this thinking I am a dumb girl that knows nothing. I feel like I need to stand up for myself. . .

I will see him at the gym b/c he is a trainer there.

I know if I don't let him know anything he will come up and try to talk to me.

If he is made aware then he will just avoid me and not say anything and HE can feel like the idiot for a change!

[Iarra]

Well, it might just give him more fodder for his "lunatic" comments. He might just show it to his friends and say, "See what I mean?". In my opinion, he's not worth the cents that it costs for a text message.

[bubblyblonde11]

I would blank him, it is more annoying not to know than to know. So just leave him hanging and wondering. Is better punishment IMO.

[sunshine13]

I can agree with you guys to a point.

However, as I said earlier. . . I still have to see him a few days a week. . .

I don't want to start confrontation in public!

I figure if I text him then he will be aware just to leave me alone and not speak to me.

If I don't say anything to him now and wait until I see him and he pretends like nothing happened then I still look naive.

[bubblyblonde11]

Blank him, you can do this while out and keep your dignity. If he asks while out just say this is neither the time or place and walk away.

 

Honestly it is him that has got to be worried not you.

 

xxxxx

[Siriana]

No, you won't look naive.

Say nothing to him, just completely limit your contacts.

NC, he's dead for you.

That will be a huge crush on his ego.

You being angry gives him a satisfaction.

You ignoring him makes him feel as a worthless looser.

Trust me on that one.

[sunshine13]

Do you think it would be in my best interest to quit the gym where I will see him all of them time and get a membership somewhere else?

[JeckyllNHyde]

when you see him just ignore his existence or say hi.

but dont have convos with him. he doesnt deserve your time.

but no need to quit your gym and go elsewhere unles it hurts you to see him or ruins your day/workout.

oh yea, and i am sure he will try and speak to you some time, but just blow him off. if you want you can just tell him: im in no mood to speak to you since you seem to go around talking spit about me when im being friendly.. and leave it at that.

dont explain anymore.

[sunshine13]

I was hoping that is the answer I would get.

I still think I may try to avoid the days he works up there. But this gym is right accross the street and has great hours. . . we don't have any other gyms in my city.

[JeckyllNHyde]

how do you feel when you see him?

does it cut into your working out concentration?

does it make you hurt?

if the answer is yes to any, yea at first it is best to avoid, but just try blocking him out, wear an mp3 player, man that helps FOR SURE. When I have my fave tunes on i feel like i am in my own world. he sucks anyways, you didnt miss out on a great catch, that is for sure. so dont let it bother you that he is there.

but in any case, do whatever is most comfy for you. whether it be avoiding the hours he is there or just going anytime. there is no right or wrong way to do it.

[just M.E.]

Is his name ***? .... Could be my ex, he did stuff like that, read the narcissist thread, acts like one, smells like one, could be one.

 

Sounds like he's less than the back end of my donkey .... run, be angry, be indignant but stay away from this one.

 

Just my humble opinion.