Girlfriend Stopped Calling

[Jason16264]

Hello,

Over 20 days have passed since I have seen or spoke to "Mary", a girl whom I at one time loved with all my heart and could trust fully. I met her over 5 years ago. It seems as if my first glance of her told me that she is the one. She was 15 and I was 21 at the time. We began as just friends, but over the next several years(1998 and 1999) we grew closer. Love developed between us and this relationship was on-and-off. During the "off" times she always retreated back to this loser that she met in junior high, has been to jail several times, and has been verbally and physically abusive towards her. At one point she even married this jerk(which was short lived-2 weeks). Basically, she leaves me and comes back. This greatly diminished my trust in her despite the fact that we were engaged at one point and lost our viginity to each other(supposedly-she said that nothing happened during the little marriage fiasco). We were together up until June, 2002-then we split. I started accusing her of cheating because she was calling me less and not spending as much time with me. She got uneasy, so in her usual fashion she left me again and started seeing this other guy(since her ex-husband was in jail and that option was closed). She still had the audacity to call me now and then during July and August. I stopped answering the phone at one point. A month passed and I thought I was rid of her for good-and then she calls me again in September wanting another chance. We got back together and things were great initially. However, her phone calls began to get spaced out over the course of several days and even up to a week. I didn't call her because she's griped to me in the past of smothering her so now I just back off thinking,"if she's interested, she'll call me." Furthermore, she was seeing me less and less and a recent cell phone bill of hers totaled nearly $200.00. Her excuse? She claims to be busy and friends keep calling her-hence the exorbitant bill. I work 2 jobs and attend school yet I have time to spare. I started accusing her of cheating again and the like. My suspicions were only heightened when she was acting spaced out one night around Christmas. I asked her why she was behaving this way and she told me that "Bill"(a friend of hers)had a grandfather in the hospital. She said that she dreamed about him and will "see" him out in public even though it is just somebody who looks like him. I was so incensed at this that I took her presents back and did not spend one dime on her. You see, I have already spent thousands on her(including an engagement ring-which she apparently lost by throwing it against the wall in her bedroom, after which it landed under the bed-yeah right, and cows can fly) and I have saved her butt plenty of times. In November prior to this, I wrote the b**** a check for $150.00 to make up her checking account after she overdrew it. You know what? She overdrew again around Christmas! She bought me some presents, but they were CHEAP! She gave me the nickname "Teddy Bear" so you can only imagine my presents-a box of Teddy Grahams, a box of Teddy Cheddys, a bag of Dimetapp Get Better Bear Sore Throat Pops, and some other cheapo presents. I told her that if things improved, I would make it up to her. I'm not cheap like she is and I have given her alot of nice things that I worked my butt off for. We last saw each other Dec. 30-to be honest, we even made love that night and things seemed okay. I drove her back to her house, exchanged a long kiss and "I love you". That was 20 days ago-this is now. I've not heard from her, so I assume that she got pissed at me for dissing her at Christmas and has now left me again for someone else. In the meantime, I am trying to meet new people and move on with my life. I'm not calling her, sending flowers, or having any contact with her. She has done this before and I refuse to give her the satisfaction. Am I right for doing this? Who appears to be in the right-me or her? I'm starting to feel like I'm the one that goofed but it is all too familiar. I'm not going to be the doormat this time.

[ravergirlzzz]

Hi!

how are you? hope that you are doing fine!Actually your story is really long...sorry i'm not used to read long stuff but this time i said to myself that i've got to help like others did to me!

my situation seems to be the same as you and ur gf...Actually my bf did piss off on me last week and i was really depressed...i could give that peanut all love and affection that he wanted but unfortunately he break his promise...i'll tell you quickly my story...i won't be boring you!

 

we've been 2 years together and last year everything changed! I was doing my last year at college and he told me that he was busy and didn't had a single time for me...we lived about 15 mins by car from each other and actually we saw each other once a month...CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT!!! he then told me that when i'll be in holidays in nov and dec,he'll be mine! I waited for that impatiently and finally comes nov and dec and he found a story telling me that he was really busy with work coz of Xmas etc...this year i'll be going to Australia for my further studies and we made a promise last yr that we shall not fly away from the country before i go to australia...he swear...and guess wht happened two weeks ago ...he told me that he had to go to work in South Africa and he'll be back in two more weeks...i told him that when he'll be back we'll have only 2 weeks to spend together and he told me that would be ENOUGH!!!(we won't see each other for a year) when you are deeply truly in love this really hurts!!!So the day he went,'i get connected on the net and found that site...this site really helped me...the best thing is to relate your story and get helped by friends! you should not regret the fact you've been with your GF!!! think that you've done a good experience.... even you've been knowing the person for quite long....he/she might not be the right person for you...coz the latter may eventually changed like my stupid EX!

try also to read the tips on this site...read wht happened to others when they broke up!!!

Now try to find other friends.... go out...go to movies...for a swim...

since my BF went away...I feel like breathing fresh air coz we were always breaking up mostly everyday....

the only thing that i really wish is that not to see him again....for god sake....

think that your ex gf was not the only girl in that big world... and please Jason stop counting days since she hadn't phone you...you'll get more depressed!

think about your future.... you've got a work...GreaT!!! try to organise your life...

when you wake up...you go to work...meet your colleagues...then after work...make plans with them or with other friends!!!

So Jason wht are you waiting for!!! stop waiting for a call...

 

hope that i was enough convincing and not annoying!

 

Ravergirlzzz

[whistler1965]

Jason -

I agree with Ravergirlzzz. Don't count the calls and try to fill up your time doing other things. Although this may be debateable... people don't change. It sounds like this girl is confused doesn't know what she wants. Unfortunately, she has a stable guy like you to always fall back on.

 

I'm going through a similar thing right now. You just have to keep your chin up and realize that good people will eventually find good people. I thought my last girl was "the one." She had most of the qualities I had looked for. But she never gave as much into the relationship as I did. Sometimes she'd become distant and I'd just walk away. As soon as I'd be just about over her, she'd reel me back in. Girls can sense these things, its scary.

 

What I realized is that she could do bad things to me and for some reason I'd always take her back. Why? Because I love her, or at least I love the person who I think she could be. Chance are, she will never reach her full potential. Some people just perpetuate unhappiness and unhealthy relationships. Sometimes its that they are too selfish or that they never find happiness within themselves. If you aren't happy with yourself, you can never be happy with someone else.

 

I decided to walk away and not turn back. It has been the hardest thing that I have had to do but it is for the best. The golden rule is to never stay in a relationship where you care or love someone more than they love you. Regardless of what your partner says, I think we all know when our love excedes theirs.

 

We shouldn't have to work this hard to be happy. Just do what makes you happy in the present. Everything works out over time. Sorry this is so long.

 

~Whistler1965