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I need advice...pretty desparate these days


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Perhaps I am being overly pessimistic about it all, but I'm looking for any answers these days.


Like the bulk of us, I'm single, and hating it, actually. You hear all the sob stories of being too ugly, being shy, et cetera...


If anything I've learned from this site and others like it, the only way to become more attractive and or ultimately more available is to change yourself. I was the shy wallflower at parties, the guy who thought he was too unattractive to ever find anyone. I watch friends come and go, finding their respective boyfriend or girlfriend. And every passing day, it feels evermore lonely. I've had my issues with esteem, and with some massive will power, have torn down those stumbling blocks. Unable to stand being that social outcast anymore, I reinvented myself - I lost weight, switched to a new wardrobe, became more sociable, asked more questions, went to more parties, joined more clubs. But after living that life, I find myself lonely still.


I don't know if I'm doing anything wrong, or I'm doing everything right, or I just have to wait more, or whatever. I've done everything in the books, made myself more available, taught myself to be more patient, more understanding, but things are still the same just as if I were still the ugly, shy kid...


Not intentionally putting myself up on a pedistal or anything, I just don't know what is wrong with me. I treat everyone with utmost respect, I hold the doors open, I lend my umbrella on those rainy days, I go out of my way to help others, but I don't feel a return. It's almost as if I care for everyone, but no one will care about me.


These days, I just cry my worries away or excercise the stress off, but in the end, the pain still lingers and I am still the empty shell from the onset. Can anyone help or suggest help?

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I know the little tricks. I spend my weekends with friends and it's all fun and games and all, but at the end of day, I still feel empty. There is just no enriching my life that I can find these days. No amout of life-living just seems enough to cover up that loneliness. Even now, many of my friends are starting to find significant others for themselves, and slowly, my friendbase is depleting...


I'm a pretty strong and independent person. I don't really rely on others all too often, but I'm only human. I feel that day after day, I'm losing the ability to keep up appearances just being alone. I want someone who can support me, even if it's just a little bit.

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hey Maelifica!


i understand your pretty down at the moment. im gonna start by saying there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! these feelings are completely normal, and most people will experience them at some time or another. you are NOt alone my friend!


i see where your sadness is coming from. the thing is, analysing your life sometimes is not the best way to gain more esteem for yourself. congratulations on being determined enough to try on "fixing" yourself, but the reason it did not affect anything is because you are trying to change who you are, thinking that "better" person you'll become will be problem free! honey, i understand why you would do this, sometimes accepting who we are is the hardest thing to do. trying to change ones appearance and attitude to suit societal standards these days seems very tempting, but alas, is not the key to happieness.


myself, i am also trying to change my appearance, to lose the extra pounds, and become more confident, but i do not expect these aspects to change my outlook on life drastically. dont feel like everyone is moving ahead, because trust me hun they're not. your not competing with the world, and theres no need to compare yourself to others. As it is said in that sunscreen song "the race is long, and in the end, its only with yourself". the point is, searching for others approval will not give you the happieness you search for. sure, it may build the self esteem for a while, but losing ones identity in the process will never end well. my advice is to STAY AS YOU ARE!


sure, things are looking grim now, but light is ALWAYS at the end of the tunnel, even if hope seems lost. i also feel i give my all to helping people, and doing the right thing, and i try not to think about a reward or anything in return, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind, and i feel bad for having it. life will get better. things will change. change is on going. your life will not stay as it is forever, and better things await you, if you are willing to wait for them.


just keep on being your beautiful self, and you'll see how wonderful things can be!


~best of luck to you! hang in there!~



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