My boyfriend went back to his ex-wife!!

[mxfun]

met a guy online and we dated had an LDR for a while. We visited back and forth and finally decided that since he had children, and a good job, I would move to his State so we could continue dating.

 

I moved, stayed with his friends while looking for work, and then found a job. He introduced me to friends, children and family. He told them all that he was lucky to have found an Angel. He told me I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met and couldn't believe that my beauty inside matched as well! We went to church together, and hung out with couple friends. His kids loved me and said they wanted me to be their second mom. We were together only 5 months at this point.

 

Long story longer: He was married to his ex-wife for 10 years. He said she belittled him, put his self-esteem in the toilet, treated him like a child, would not let him be his own person or make any decisions etc. They have been separated for 2 years, divored for 1.5 years of that.

 

She came to his home to pick up their two girls. She saw me and immediately sent my guy an email saying that she had made a big mistake; she wanted him back. He couldn't understand this because he had begged and pleaded with her to take him back and she said, "never again".

 

He now says he's going back to her. He also asked if I would continue to live out in his state in case it "didn't work out". How horribly humiliating! His friends said that she was jealous of me, that she knew I was prettier, more slender, and a real threat, which is why she is "wanting him back". They tried to tell him this.

 

I am devastated. I packed my car, had to quit my new job, and move back home. I no longer have an apartment at home, so I had to ask my young sister and her husband for a place to stay so I can get back on my feet! I am so embarrassed! I've always taken care of myself and been the one people can call to lean on.

 

Now that I've moved, he calls once in a while saying that he's not gone back to her and he misses me. The next time we talk he says he and she went on a date but he still wants me.

 

I fianlly sent him a letter that said I am not his stepping stone. He STILL wants me to wait for him to try things out with her again and not give up on him. How can a person do this to another? He says I am prettier, more intellectual; that he loves taking me out in public, that he's extremely attracted to me, and that he only loves her because it's familiar.

 

Is there anyone here who can understand this? I broke it off but it hurts immensely! This is my life. Thank you so much for reading this. Any replies would be appreciated.

[annie24]

big hugs. I think you did the right thing in not going back to him. truth be told, I hope him and his ex-wife get counseling and I hope they can get back together again and be happy for the sake of their children. However, if they cannot, I hope he gets counseling and gets back on track so he does not do this to another woman again (the yo-yo game).

 

Stay strong, don't go back. I don't think you should wait around while he "tries" to make things work with his ex-wife. that is lame. they should have sorted out the whole mess long ago. and not drag you or others into the mix. I feel badly for their children.

 

good luck. you are doing the right thing, just focus on getting your life back on track. I know you will very soon.

[lawofnature]

hello there - I'm so sorry about what happened. That is horrible! Nobody deserves to be treated this way! Well...from what I read, I don't think you really want him back do you? Either way, I think you need to stay away from him (or what people here would say 'go NC') for your own sanity. Let him figure himself out.

 

I'm glad at least it sounded like you know your worth. I think you should walk away from this with your chin up. Don't think you have wasted your life in this...You tried your best so there should be no regrets...His loss...really

 

*Hugs*

[mxfun]

Thanks so much! I actually did tell him that I hope it works out for them if that's what he wants. It would be nice for the family unit to be together. It still does hurt so much though.

 

I know I'm doing the right thing. Thanks again.

[annie24]

well, it seems like you have a lot going for you, slender, pretty, accomplished. i bet it's only a short time before you meet someone better for you (and hopefully with resolved issues with exes!!!)

[Goldfish6888]

mxfun

 

So sorry to hear this. You were open and ready for a committed relationship and he so obviously wants his cake and for you to eat it! Please do not allow him to contact you again. He chose his wife and now let him understand what this decision means:

- no fall back plan

- no "you" for phone calls

- no "you" for advice

- no "you" for your wonderful slender figure and pretty looks

- No "you for email

- no "you" for the wonderful and open way that you accepted both him and HIS BAGGAGE into your life with a very open heart,

- no "you" for your understanding

- no "you" for the love of his children and the sharing of his faith

- no "you" for your support and for the understanding of him

- no "you" for your intellectual talents

 

He'll find your shoes very hard to fill with his ex wife, of that I'm sure.

His relationship with his wife is already tarnished and torn and perhaps he needs to give this full closure and the commitment it deserves due to his children.

But you have given enough and done enough here to make you quit this track. You can be proud you acted in a classy and upstanding way. You have so many talents and you will find someone who will most dearly treasure and cherish them and you. Don't wait on a "fall back" plan, don't wait on him to "find out" she is not a patch on you! I cannot believe that he even asked these things of you, how terribly selfish, how terribly immature.

 

It is hard to move on, especially at night, when you so hug your pillow so hard and wish and hope, things might have been different. There is a bigger picture and it will take some time to see it.

In the meantime, post here when you need to.

 

Lots of hugs, Your friend G Fish xoxox

[summerpeach]

ouch...sorry about your pain.

Sorry if I'm blunt, but you walked right into this mess. Lesson here: do not change your life for someone you DO NOT KNOW!

You upped and moved and changed your whole life for a MAN! A man you barely knew.

Of course his ex wants him back. Women want what we can't have

You were the rebound girl. He was obviously still in love with his wife.

Be happy you didn't live longer with this man b/c a life with him would have included his ex.

Chalk it up to a hard lessoned learned.

You will get over this quicker than you think.

[summerpeach]

Thanks so much! I actually did tell him that I hope it works out for them if that's what he wants. It would be nice for the family unit to be together. It still does hurt so much though.

 

I know I'm doing the right thing. Thanks again.

 

I am one to be totally respectful of an ex or bad situations, but I would not be offering well wishes to this guy.

Did he pay your moving expenses back or compensate you in any way?

 

Meh...be done with him

[Belle]

I think you dodged a bullet.

 

A girlfriend's ex once had sex with her, went to church with her, went to lunch with her. THen he dropped the bomb and told her he was moving down to Florida that evening to get back together with his ex from 10 years prior. He also asked her to leave her things at his house in the event that it didn't work out. Of course she didn't. She had too much self respect.

 

He married the woman, and filed for a divorce 6 months later. He came back to my friend a year later when she was with a guy I introduced her to. He still pines over her.

 

There are just some really short sighted and stupid people in this world. Be glad you don't have to live with their foolish choices or selfishness.