Getting to know him, but I fear any "game"

[blueangel]

My best friend Keri knows a boy named Dave, told me he's a good person, and he believes his purpose in life is to make others happy even if he himself if not.

 

She told me she's liked him for a long time now, but is over that for the most part right now. She told me to become friends with him

 

So on facebook, we began communicating.

 

But last year, I remember hearing from a few of my friends that he is bad. He manipulated this girl into liking him, but then went for another girl in the end. He sent her text messages saying "I really want to give you all of me, not just physically but emotionally too." and she asked him,

 

"do you want to date?" and he replied

 

"I could never date you."

 

so it was very confusing.

 

Right now he has a girlfriend

 

I have a boyfriend

 

and as we talked a bit on facebook, he asked for my number saying "dude it would be much easier"

 

He texted my phone last night with these words, "lol well you can stay up texting me or you can put your phone down and sleep. Either or im fine. So you can just ignore me and it's cool. lol up to you.-D" because I kept saying I wanted to go to bed. (and I actually did instead, afraid he was trying to play a game...I said "lol awwww poor dave. maybe tom. sound good?"

 

For some reason, all today, we've been texting and so on, but the intention has come into my head to challenge him back if he should say something jokingly inviting, and to try and have more of the upperhand if I could.

 

So when I got home, I decided to mess with him and randomly said "you have a nice butt btw k gotta go ttyl" and he was like,

 

"wait! what? u cant just leave on that note. this does not help my confusion!"

 

I replied "u liked that, didn't u?" and he was like "why would I like that?" and I kept messing with him, saying I was also teasing, but that he did look good in general.

 

he replied that he wasnt one to be too self confident in his looks and I said in a more serious tone most people are insecure, even I! and that he had a lot going for him.

 

He answered, "lol maybe in the front. But I hate people that obsess about looks so I kinda just eh. it's the personality not the looks I say-D"

 

Then I replied saying "same. it's quite shallow. but you can trust what I tell you because it isn't my thing to lie. lol your front comment was funnah. same here! haha"

 

Then he never replied.

 

So I sent him another text a while afterward saying "u can call me tonite & good luck with your permit! he-llz yays! cyas!"

 

lol I feel so lost. what am I doing here? what should I do? am I coming off strangely?

[Nicolet84]

I guess I'm confused on what your main goal is here. A friendship? A relationship?

 

My first thought before I read the whole thing was that your friend wanted you to become friends with him so she could get closer to him. That's just my personal opinion, of course, I could be completely wrong.

 

I don't understand the whole texting conversation either. If you want to get to know him better then start hanging out and pay attention to his actions. Actions always speak louder than words.

 

And I wouldn't try to play any games or match any games you think he may be playing. That never ends well.

 

Hope things turn out the way you want them to.

[Clarity]

What should you do?

 

Either stop flirting with the guy behind your BF's back or break up with your BF before you hurt him with going behind his back. The other guy probably won't see you as long-term material knowing that you so willingly flirt behind your current BF's back. Not that he's long-term material either, given your accounts of him, and the fact that he has a GF.

 

Anyway, you guys are young, have fun, but don't hurt your BF's and GF's in the process. They are people too...

[ghost69]

i bet this guy is young. how old is her? sounds like he is really immature.

[blueangel]

i bet this guy is young. how old is her? sounds like he is really immature.

 

well he's my age- 17.

 

And my boyfriend is 20 , much more mature, but lives far away so I never see him. This kid comes along and when I see him, my heart starts pounding.

[ghost69]

i think your heart is pounding cause you are liked by this guy and he is showing you attention. since your bf isn't really nearby, you heart is growing weak for him.

[blueangel]

i think your heart is pounding cause you are liked by this guy and he is showing you attention. since your bf isn't really nearby, you heart is growing weak for him.

 

yeah, and I keep making a fool of myself around him- talk too loud, all giggly, make no sense. It's awful.

[cory k]

Hi blueangel,

 

This guy makes your heart pound because he's "playing hard to get". Its that barrier in your mind that makes you think he is somthing special. If you really want to take control of this relationship be honest and play the game.

 

Such as say this "you know I really think your cute but I just dont see myself playing theese games all the time". Then hang up the phone. He will call you at least 3 times...... now your in control. But dont wait too long to pick up, or he may believe he has no chance.

 

The guy is a player, and your being played. Your turn to be the "player". Play his game.

 

Oh , dont be a fool break up first with the other guy. You will feel good knowing you did first.

[ghost69]

well, if you have any respect for your bf, break up before doing anything with this guy. i don't care how much your feelings get caught up.

[blueangel]

well, if you have any respect for your bf, break up before doing anything with this guy. i don't care how much your feelings get caught up.

 

I know. And this is where my morals start to falter. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

 

It's really hard for me to stay serious about my boyfriend. I never see him. I've always relied on him though... he's a beautiful person, who means a lot to me. But I do take him for granted, dont connect with him enough. We barely talk these days but our messages are always the same- of caringness and love. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like he loves me more than I love him. I am too distracted to be completelly commited in a long distance relationship. So I dont know what to do.

 

This new person in my life is very subtle with me now and we dont really talk a lot but I can feel both of us want to. He has a girlfriend...so I can't have him anyway. But my heart...it's hard to ignore it sometimes. What does it want? It doesn't know.

[ghost69]

then leave your current bf. if you are so torn and you are unsure of you and your bf's future, move on. LDRs are tough. especially at your age.

[blueangel]

then leave your current bf. if you are so torn and you are unsure of you and your bf's future, move on. LDRs are tough. especially at your age.

 

I've had to do so many hard things though in my life. I dont want to do another, really I dont! lol I'm scared to death of hurting this person in any way. I've made him cry many times and usually when I break up with him, I immediately regret it and realize how much I really love him.

 

thank you for talking me through this. I dont want to make any quick decisions though.

[blueangel]

LDRs are tough. especially at your age.

It's hard for me to acknowledge this sometimes. I feel like I HAVE to be a mature person, I HAVE to learn to be ready for things... I've never been given a chance to be young, nor has anyone ever truly been considerate of the way I feel. They either help me out, listen to me, have me listen to them, but never say the sweet, the real things. Dan does sooooo much for me and really has over the years, but Im never quenched. He's beautiful, funny, witty, and laid back. I just dont hear from him enough, see him enough to know if he's what I want completely.

 

I remember once I told him some stuff of my painful past, and he really had nothing to say. That has always stayed with me, made me wonder how much he cares to know about me, can he handle me really? It's not like there's a lot to handle- I'm sadness but also sweetness, and can be very happy when someone is commited to being happy with me in the moment.

[ghost69]

I've had to do so many hard things though in my life. I dont want to do another, really I dont! lol I'm scared to death of hurting this person in any way. I've made him cry many times and usually when I break up with him, I immediately regret it and realize how much I really love him.

 

thank you for talking me through this. I dont want to make any quick decisions though.

 

the you need to stay away from this guy you are having new feelings for then.

 

i understand you don't want to hurt your bf, but he will hurt worse if you cheat or start seeing this other guy on the side. how would you feel? wouldn't you have rather known earlier than later that your girl was messing around on you? i know i would. i'd rather a girl not be with me than go behind my back.

[blueangel]

the you need to stay away from this guy you are having new feelings for then.

 

i understand you don't want to hurt your bf, but he will hurt worse if you cheat or start seeing this other guy on the side. how would you feel? wouldn't you have rather known earlier than later that your girl was messing around on you? i know i would. i'd rather a girl not be with me than go behind my back.

 

Yeah, but like I said, i doubt anything will happen with me and this boy anyway. he has a girlfriend.

 

I just feel confused. I realize Dan is who i want to be with, for the most part, it's what I think... but I need someone here. And I'm looking to a guywho is unavailable...all I can do is be this person's friend and let go what I'm feeling. but when he looks at me, I start wondering if he feels it too. Yet when we talk online, the signs of that disappear. it's when we're in person together, he'll avoid looking at me, or me to him, but yet eventually we say hi and smile at each other, shyly it seems, yet he really is an outgoing guy. He's kind of amazing I'm learning. Like he said today, " I hate people that take the easy way out, so usually I take out a little more. lol ask ash she knows what I mean with all of this. She thinks I will go crazy cause of it. But I have my reasons. And normally I find away to live. With some stress relieving activities lol" I love reading stuff like that, from anybody.

 

lol oh me!!

 

[ghost69]

sounds like you have it set in your head that this guy likes you and you want more attention from him. pretty crummy for your bf.

[Miss Firecracker]

How many times have you visited your boyfriend, blueangel? Say maybe in the past year?

[blueangel]

I just dumped my boyfriend.

 

and this guy dumped his girlfriend.

 

but now I've stopped liking him! hahaha

[Clarity]

I just dumped my boyfriend.

 

and this guy dumped his girlfriend.

 

but now I've stopped liking him! hahaha

 

Why, because he's attainable now?

[ghost69]

wow. at least you let your bf go. he needed it....to find a good girl.

[blueangel]

Why, because he's attainable now?

 

lol no because he flat out told me he's not into me like that. Squashed any feelings left, because I was about to make a move. So we just have sex together now.

[blueangel]

wow. at least you let your bf go. he needed it....to find a good girl.

 

That honestly crossed a line with me. I'm offended. It's not that I'm not good, I'm just not satisfied with what I had. The relationship was not working at a time when I began to have feelings for this boy, but then realized this boy has no interest at all. That makes me a bad girl? I dont mind that then.

[Clarity]

lol no because he flat out told me he's not into me like that. Squashed any feelings left, because I was about to make a move. So we just have sex together now.

 

Why buy the cow...

[blueangel]

Why buy the cow...

 

when you can get the milk for free

 

 

lol ok, I'm done!

[ghost69]

That honestly crossed a line with me. I'm offended. It's not that I'm not good, I'm just not satisfied with what I had. The relationship was not working at a time when I began to have feelings for this boy, but then realized this boy has no interest at all. That makes me a bad girl? I dont mind that then.

 

no no no. i never implied that you are a bad person. you broke it off with your bf. but i'm saying it's good for him to find someone that cares for him to be with him. that's all. maybe someone in his area. this is exactly why i don't do LDRs.