Tory Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Hi, I'm 30 years old and still relatively new to this dating thing, since I have been so darn busy studying for 3 college degrees ever since I left high school at the age of 17. And when I was in high school, I was SUCH a total DORK, that NO ONE wanted to go out with me nor could stand to look at me. I just met an attractive, sweet, well educated older woman online and have been talking and e-mailing each other for the past two weeks and have finally decided to ask her out this weekend. Since I'm really shy about showing my emotions and very afraid of initimacy, is it OK to not kiss her at the end of the date and just shake hands? I really don't feel comftorable kissing someone I just met and have often been criticized as a terrible kisser so rather than risk embarrassment, I want to show my friendly affection some other way. What do you guys suggest I do before we call it a night and say Good-bye? Especially if I end up really liking her? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Just call it a night with a goodnight and a goodbye. It's as simple as that. You aren't obligated to kiss her on the first date. I personally don't kiss on the first date and I wouldn't let a guy kiss me on the first date. A nice hug, thanks for the good night (if all goes well, lol) a goodnight and a goodbye. That is appropriate. Link to comment
matts0344 Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 barbiegurl, do you think its possible for some women to get offended, or turned off if you don't kiss them when the date is over? or maybe take it as a sign of disinterest? Link to comment
Captain34 Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 sooner or later you will have to take the plunge, but if you are too focused on it things probably wont go as smoothly as you would hope. these arent the sort of things you plan ahead for -- allow yourself to experience her company without any preconceptions. at that point, you will kiss her if you really want to. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 barbiegurl, do you think its possible for some women to get offended, or turned off if you don't kiss them when the date is over? or maybe take it as a sign of disinterest? Sure. If a kiss on the fist date is something a girl wanted and didn't get it (out of a mans respect for it being the first date) I could see how she could get offended or think he wasn't interested. But I personally wouldn't find it offensive or think the man wasn't interested because a kiss on the first date is something I don't do Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I never kiss on a first date nor expect a guy to kiss on the first date. It's too new. Most times I will give a hug, and esp if I am REALLY into the guy, I will drop a hint about getting together again soon. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 As you try to kiss her, she'll either kiss you back or she'll give you her cheak if you attempt to do so. She wont freak out or get offended it's all in your mind. Link to comment
orangecounty Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Oh no, I never like to kiss on the first date. Primarily because kissing is intimate and a deep sign of affection. I never feel that deepily about someone I've just met, so it can't be nearly as special. But don't shake her hand, that's too formal and business like. Give her a nice hug, oh how I love a nice hug! I always hug my date the end of the night. Link to comment
Celadon Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 At some point during the date, if she is walking next to you and you have opened a restaurant door for her, use your other hand and lightly touch her on her back, sort of like steering her through the doorway. When men have done this with me, I have found it communicates, "I am connecting with you. I am being a gentleman." When I say "back," I mean the middle of the back -- don't go too low and *definitely* do not go below the waist. And when I say "steer," I mean a light touch, definitely not a push. And only for a second. As for kissing, I wouldn't kiss on the first date. Heck, I barely know the guy at that point. But a nice one-armed hug (or two if you're comfortable with that) will say, "Hey, I had a nice time -- thanks!" Also, as has been mentioned, you can always kiss her on the cheek. Or offer your hand, then pull her in a bit and kiss her on the cheek. Make sure it LOOKS like you're coming in from the side, or else she may think you're about to kiss her on the lips. Then you two would get into that awkward head bobbing and weaving thing ... LOL! Link to comment
Gath Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 at the very least a hug is apropriate if you've hit it off. Whatever you do, do not think about being nervous or what she thinks of you. Don't worry if she likes you. Control yourself. You've gotten 3 degrees, you're obviously a tough dedicated person whose capable at rising to challenges right? Remind yourself of that and focus on being confident and self assured. If she likes you she likes you, if she don't she don't. You can't control that. But you can insure that the person she sees is the real, confident, successful, you.. Never let the person you're afraid you are, stand in the way of the person you know you should be. Link to comment
Thunderforce Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 You can only tell IN the moment! Truly I never thought about that... I have kissed on first dates but sometimes it took a couple of dates. Just depends truly. You will feel/ and know when the moment is or isn't there! Good luck on your date and truly don't think about this issue to much! Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Let's put it this way... I've never been dumped for trying to kiss on the first, second, third date. I have been dumped for not trying to kiss on the first, second, third date. Link to comment
bexcelant Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Just take a walk, take her hand and sort of push her up against the wall and plant one on her. You'll be glad y'did lol. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 I'm too shy to kiss on the first date. Link to comment
BManMcFly Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Hi Tory, I got a bit of the bad news for you... I'm guessing about 50% of the time that I haven't kissed a girl on the first date there was no second date. After the second date, that number went up to around 90%, and after a third date, there was 1 exception (I kissed her and she replied 'FINALLY') Do like in the movie Hitch, at the end of the night walk her to her door, if she jinges her keys she wants a kiss. Don't worry about that tho, just relax, be yourself, show her your personality and if you can't kiss her directly, give her a hug first. I can't explain this 'test' any more than it seems to be accurate that, if she lets you brush her hair behind her ear she will let you kiss her. As for being to shy to kiss, hell, I've gone to kiss a girl just to make sure that I was reading the situation right knowing that she would shoot me down, just so I could get it over with and know that at best I'll be a friend to her. Link to comment
Gath Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Let's put it this way... I've never been dumped for trying to kiss on the first, second, third date. I have been dumped for not trying to kiss on the first, second, third date. good point. Link to comment
Cassie Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Hi Tory - try to read her signals and go on what you're feeling in the moment. But if the date goes well, at least give her a big hug before you leave. I personally don't feel comfortable being intimately smooched on first dates with strangers but every gal is different. Good luck! Link to comment
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