Men to chase or not? Do women like being chased?

[Dating Coach]

What it really takes to master this dance is determination and guidence. Look, anyone can play the odds and end up lucky. That doesn't mean it will happen to you. You can either float on chance all the while making the same mistakes with little or no improvement or you can take charge and MAKE IT happen.

 

How? You increase your social skills. It's not always easy. I can't tell a group of people, "Hey, go work on your social skills!" and have them come back 6 months later and say "Holy crap I am a pimp!". It takes guidence. determination, and an open mind.

 

A lot of guys, and there have been quite a few in my time here at enotalone, that have created this false idea of the world in their mind and then closed it. They are incapable of learning anything contrary to their own world because it's a closed system. These guys can't think outside this reality they created for themselves and thus they never learn.

 

You're going to be in a better standing to find the right person when you have more options. That's just a matter of mathematics. If you only have 3 options in your life to find "the one" you're probably not going to have quite the selection as if you had 300. So to increase your options you need to improve yourself and your social skills. Work on making yourself more fit, presentable, fashionable. Work on making yourself more interesting, funny, social. Work on your ability to control your emotions, command respect, and be picky. It's a lot of work.

I'd suggest something like Mystery or Neil Strauss to help increase your knowledge. It's a good start.

[bubblyblonde11]

 

Here are two possibilities:

 

Shoot for the moon, if you miss, you'll still be among the stars. (Aim higher always because then if you don't get somebody above you you might just end up with somebody your level or hey you may get that person)

 

or

 

Hold out for somebody who you feel equal to?

 

What do we do?

 

Gwad knows but option A sounds so much prettier (I know typical girls response Lol)

[Batya33]

Do men still like to chase women, especially at the beginning when you start dating? Do they like to take the lead when making the first few dates?

 

What do women prefer being chased and pursued?

 

From what I have read in books etc, men like to chase/pursue and to give to a female they like, a women just has to be receptive and thank him.

i.e. books like Men are from Mars Women are from Venus "on a date".

 

I think it's a bit silly for anyone to chase anyone. I do think the man should do more of the calling, initiating and asking in the beginning but the woman needs to respond with warmth and reasonable enthusiasm - and promptly! - if she is interested. to me it's not about a game, it's about allowing the man to have his role in the early dating process (or later as well if he prefers) and giving him space to let him get to know you at a reasonable pace and a bit more on his own terms, in the beginning. Yes, a taste of a challenge, a taste of mystery isn't a bad thing as long as the woman remains responsive. Of course it's easier on the man if the woman chases him - but she's typically not the woman he will choose as a significant other.

[CaptainPlanet]

I think the idea that the man should do all the asking is outdated and stupid. It is not always good for a man to ask out women, constant rejection can batter ones self esteem leading to flow on effects in other parts of the mans life. The clearly defined roles of men and women that were so rigid in the past are diminishing in significance today we need to adopt this to dating accordingly.

 

So while men might do the majority of the asking most of time it is by no means to be expected by the woman and a woman should not feel she is out of place if she does wish to initiate things.

[Dating Coach]

I think the idea that the man should do all the asking is outdated and stupid. It is not always good for a man to ask out women, constant rejection can batter ones self esteem leading to flow on effects in other parts of the mans life. The clearly defined roles of men and women that were so rigid in the past are diminishing in significance today we need to adopt this to dating accordingly.

 

So while men might do the majority of the asking most of time it is by no means to be expected by the woman and a woman should not feel she is out of place if she does wish to initiate things.

 

I can see that, and I do think that if a woman really wants to ask out a guy she should do so... but you must understand that girls, especially attractive girls, usually don't have to ask out a guy. They have so many options and guys already asking them out that you can't sit there hoping she will come to you and do the work as well. A guy should learn to be confident and approach a woman that attracts him.

[Batya33]

I can see that, and I do think that if a woman really wants to ask out a guy she should do so... but you must understand that girls, especially attractive girls, usually don't have to ask out a guy. They have so many options and guys already asking them out that you can't sit there hoping she will come to you and do the work as well. A guy should learn to be confident and approach a woman that attracts him.

 

Having asked out men I don't see what the big deal is. And I've been rejected and survived quite nicely. I do think the man should do more of the asking in the beginning, unless and until things change such that men are not just "flattered" when asked out, they actually continue to be interested enough in a relationship despite the woman doing more of the asking than he is, rather than being turned off or believing that the asking makes the woman aggressive in an unattractive way.

[Dating Coach]

Having asked out men I don't see what the big deal is. And I've been rejected and survived quite nicely. I do think the man should do more of the asking in the beginning, unless and until things change such that men are not just "flattered" when asked out, they actually continue to be interested enough in a relationship despite the woman doing more of the asking than he is, rather than being turned off or believing that the asking makes the woman aggressive in an unattractive way.

 

My point is that you should make your own success rather than rely on others. It goes both ways. But you also have to understand simple supply and demand. If you are a attractive woman and find two guys attractive out at a bar, yet one guy is being very friendly and open to you and the other stands back waiting for you to ask him out, most women will of course be more likely to work with the guy who's assisting her by making the effort himself. So I'm trying to say that guys shouldn't sit back and complain that women don't ask them out enough, there may be reasons like that going on. Make your own success.

[Batya33]

Well, no, because I tend to like reserved men but if he was hanging back I would assume lack of interest or, possibly, such an extreme lack of confidence that we wouldn't be compatible anyway.

[Alexander DeLarge]

I think diggitydog is secretly "Hitch". I never saw the movie, but I know the premise.

[bubblyblonde11]

Lol

 

I was trying to get answers as to whether I should go after this bloke I fancy that went on first date with, and I am still none the wiser!!! Tee hee hee hee

 

 

[Dating Coach]

I think diggitydog is secretly "Hitch". I never saw the movie, but I know the premise.

 

That movie was terrible. It started out good, but by the end it went from being semi-realistic to completely stupid. At the end the woman completely goes ballistic on him over nothing. He didn't do anything wrong. She just found out that he was a PUA and accused him of "tricking her", which he didn't do since he really liked her. Yet what happens? Does he stick to his guns and hold his ground since she was wrong? No, he runs to her apartment, PLEADS with her to take him back, and then even chases down her car throwing himself on it desperately trying to get her to talk to him. Completely pathetic, just like most of Hollywoods depictions of relationships.

 

Lol

 

I was trying to get answers as to whether I should go after this bloke I fancy that went on first date with, and I am still none the wiser!!! Tee hee hee hee

 

Yeah, we kind of did go off of topic a little......

[bubblyblonde11]

Yeah, we kind of did go off of topic a little......

 

 

No it's not that hun, everyones got different answers to whether girls should chase or just wait so still donno what to do about my first date the other nite....lol

 

 

[Batya33]

No it's not that hun, everyones got different answers to whether girls should chase or just wait so still donno what to do about my first date the other nite....lol

 

 

To me it's simple - you thanked him for taking you out on this "first meet" and he indicated that he would call you to get together again, or that he was interested in seeing you again, right? So chase/no chase in this situation the ball is in his court. The more you think of it in terms of one person "chasing" another the more tempted you will be to call because chasing connotes complete passivity on one side. Rather, you should as you have been act warm, interested, friendly, and approachable once he calls and asks you out on a date.

 

If you do call him you have to be comfortable with the risk that he will see you as overeager for taking over his role, and you have to be ready to ask him out, plan the date, pay for the date and then ask him out again since you would be the one who set up the pattern of you asking him out. Of course, he might then step up to the plate and ask you out but you can't depend on that. That, and the general risk that asking men out is typically ineffective unless you just want a few more dates or a fling.

[andy5128]

Lol

 

I was trying to get answers as to whether I should go after this bloke I fancy that went on first date with, and I am still none the wiser!!! Tee hee hee hee

 

 

Yeah chase him if you want him.. set your phaser to stun and bobs yer auntie..

 

Go for it, whats the worst that can happen.. there is no golden rule in my book.. If you want em, go get em....

 

Andy

[bubblyblonde11]

see what I mean....lol....above conflicts with the above post to that....LMAO.......arrggghhhhh

 

Tee hee hee hee hee

[Batya33]

see what I mean....lol....above conflicts with the above post to that....LMAO.......arrggghhhhh

 

Tee hee hee hee hee

 

I agree with that - if you want him then go get him, but not if you want him for a potentially long term relationship - only if you want him for one night, or a quick fling or a casual dating situation. The worst that can happen is that you don't have a long term relationship with him which I agree isn't the worst thing in the world when put in context. The last post didn't say anything about whether it would be effective for something long term which is what I am referring to.

[EvoGeneration]

What do you guys mean by chasing a girl, showing extra attention, at least in the begging of the relationship , is a must, but i would not call that chasing.

[bubblyblonde11]

I agree with that - if you want him then go get him, but not if you want him for a potentially long term relationship - only if you want him for one night, or a quick fling or a casual dating situation. The worst that can happen is that you don't have a long term relationship with him which I agree isn't the worst thing in the world when put in context. The last post didn't say anything about whether it would be effective for something long term which is what I am referring to.

 

I'm just kidding with you all - thats for your advice I haven't got in contact with him yet.

 

His loss at the end of the day.

[Batya33]

Yes, his loss and i hope you get to a place where you don't even have to go there as far as your loss/his loss - it's one meeting with a stranger, some people click, some people don't, some people click when they meet but on reflection realize there's no real potential, or meet someone they click with more the next day, etc - it's better if you can take a lighter approach to first meets, at least that's what I found.

[bubblyblonde11]

I've been a drunk div and sent him an email through the dating website.....oooops

 

Oh well lets see if I hear back, not wanting long term just a fling right now anyway.

[Batya33]

Well, not an oops - you chose to get drunk and chose to get on the computer when you are drunk. I think that's great that you are being honest with yourself about just wanting a fling.

[alwaysyourfriend]

personally, i have never been with a woman, or in a relationship with one that wanted me to chase her. it has always been, lets skip that stuff and use our time wisely by enjoying each others company. i think what better serves a relationship is to treat each other in ways that decrease frustration and increase clarity - second guessing never works out well. i find that its better when two people build up anticipation, show attention and attraction in other more positive ways - like seduction, or respectful role playing. would u rather be with someone that keeps u in the loop or places u in a position where u really are not sure of the intension. i believe if u are attracted to someone don't make them be a position where it could become negative. if a woman wanted me to play the chase game i would not be amused and she would find it lonily playing hide and seek alone.

 

[Lily04]

interesting... as most girls say they want to keep in touch almost everyday at least a text or something. not 'constantly' but a nice 'hey, what's up?' once a day or 'goodnight, hope your day went well' can be really sweet and touching at times perhaps that is more when you're serious than starting to date though... how long have u been seeing the two girls in question? when i started dating this guy we saw each other everyday or chatted everyday if not... now maybe twice a week chat, and see each other once-twice a week... i think he's probably thinking the same thing as you... wants to create the tension. Interesting because I honestly thought he was playing games (which is a building tension technique i suppose) or losing interest/didn't treat me seriously... but after what u wrote, perhaps he like you, believes that texting or talking everyday is just a tad too much. We've only been dating about 3-4 weeks as well... how long have you guys been dating?

[Lily04]

p.s. I don't like all of this '8' and '5' rating discussion. I can do that for looks but the 'whole package'?? That is really too ambiguous, and I don't like quantifying people as such...so if you have a house and a fancy car you're basically an 8 or something? and which career is a 'higher number' than the other, just whatever makes more money?? so even if the person is smart and fulfilled it doesn't matter at all? a stay-at-home mom would be near 0 or something? or such a variable only applies to men? some people are definitely smart and beautiful but don't choose flashy careers that generates more wealth and i don't think they're any less ranked than some of the more 'prestigious' people out there either.

[Lily04]

interesting perspective, how old are you/