Stupid, stupid mental cycle/state of mind

[DurandaPanda]

I have a friend whom I've known for most of my life (since we were 2, so 15 years and counting now). I had an infatuation for her last year, which culminated in me telling her I loved her... yeah that didnt go well in the end. Anyway that led to a few months of awkwardness, and then she got a boyfriend, and I moved on, and told her I was over it, and we're now pretty close friends.

 

She asked last week if she wasnt going out with her boyfriend whether or not I would have been interested (I said yes in a longwinded way). Since then the flirtatious comments have started. Even though we're like best of friends, thats one thing I've ALWAYS avoided since last year, because I didn't want to be dragged into the same situation again. Last Friday (AFTER I said that I would have been interested if she wasn't going out) we went out to see a movie and have dinner (SiCKO, good film). Since then the niceness, and the flirting, has continued. Now we're back to hugging. She always asks for at least 1 hug a day because apparently "I'm good at it", which hasn't happened since like... before I confessed my feelings to her (OVER a year ago)

 

She has told me before that she has had feelings for another guy while she was in this relationship, but that passed with time. Recently I feel like I've been losing my mind again over this.She has been extra extra nice around me (dont get me wrong, girls being nice is something Im used to! This is extra nice!). It's like every time I convince myself mentally to forget it because it's not gunna happen, something else comes up that buoys my interest/hope for a few days!

 

Am I losing it, should I just forget it? I mean, my main objection at this point is being beaten viscously by her boyfriend (losing my mind again is a close second though).

[Val_76]

I would advise to on as before and to keep your cool. Maybe the fact that you opened to her made her see you differently and maybe she appreciate you more everyday in a "different" way. Also now that she have a boyfriend it might make you look a lot better if what she feel around you is a lot better than what she fell around him, maybe he's not as good as you to make her feel good... just a guess.

 

Let her initiate it, if anything should happen it should come from her. For now I would advise to enjoy the extra nice time she's giving you.

[jettison]

I feel for you. I think that most guys out there have went through something like this, and it's rarely ever worked out well in the end. If you put a woman on a pedestal, the pedestal almost always ends up being too high for you to reach.

 

This is one of those love truisms that never seems to go out of style. Can you like someone too much? Yes, in a way you can. When you've romanticized a person to this extreme, they end up becoming objectified a bit. You're in love at her more then in love with her.

 

I know that you'd do anything for her, and that's the problem. She's held to no standard. She doesn't want someone that would do anything for her without her having to do anything in return. Unconditional love is something you give to your family, not your love interest.

[Beec]

When she asks for hugs and stuff, begin to give her some banter, tell her she only wants her for your body, she is getting cheap thrills from it, etc. Just make it seems as if it is a joke and imply she is getting something sexual out of it.

[ghost69]

don't let her play games with your head. flirt back at your discretion.

[Altruist]

Don't let her manipulate you. You put yourself out there and she rejected you. Now she has a boyfriend. Don't accept her attention seeking manoeuvres. If she wants you then she should end it with her boyfriend. Start being selfish with the attention and the hugs.