I don't want a divorce, Please help!

[shy_gal200]

Hello everyone, I have posted a few things on here before regarding my relationship....so here goes another..... I have been married for a little over two years, I am currently almost 8 months pregnant and possibly going through a divorce. A little over two months my husband went to work at a different job that requires him to travel out of town a lot, well the first week was normal we talked on the phone almost every night he told me he loved me and all that good stuff okay, well the end of that week, he came home telling me that he needs some time apart, he wants to find that special "happiness" that we had in the beginning.... well I thought to myself, "he is going to be out of town working anyways, I guess if he needs some time away.....this is a good time to do it" ......well the next couple days he was kind of distant when ever I would call him, wouldn't really call that much, it was always me calling him, which I guess if he needed some time maybe I pushed him, but needing some time away and talking on the phone even if it was only for a few minutes, didn't really think that was a problem. So anyways, after a couple of weeks of me thinking that he needing time away and thinking that he is coming back came to a big hault!!! I found out that him and guy friend that was working with him were staying at a "girls" house that they had met to save some money, okay, well I wouldn't have a problem with that to an extenet if he would of been honest with me in the beginning, but he wasn't and he denied it. So anyways, after that he came home and got the rest of his clothes and I told him that if we weren't going to be together anymore then I wanted a divorce, me thinking the worst here......I truly believe that he was messing around, so anyways..... later on after I talked to him a few times here and there on the phone, I said to him "what if I said I don't want a divorce and I want to work things out?" he said... "sorry" So maybe I am a fool for not wanting a divorce still, but dang.... I love him so much, I think that a baby needs a mother and a father.... he has three kids right now not with me and he only sees one of them, the other two kids, well that is a long complicated story. I have thought of my pros and cons about this, and maybe I am a fool like I said, or maybe I just love him so much I want this to work out what ever has happened in the past, I don't have proof that he was messing around. I have proof that he has lied to me more then a few times, and that isn't good either, I mean if you don't have trust you don't have a marriage, but I am willing to do what ever it takes at this moment to work this out... I just wish that there was somthing to say to him to make him understand that I do love him so much I want it to work, I know you can't make someone care if they don't, love if they don't, work it out if they don't want to work it out..... I just want to try everything that I can, that way I know I DID try!! So if anyone has any helping thoughts in this, please please send it my way!!! Thanks!

[Prince]

Well. You wont exactly ever sought things out as long as you are apart. Next oppportunity tell him all this- tell him how you relly feel. Don't let him know you thought he was fooling around, but let him know you are feeling down about the whole distance thing. But ultimately, I don't believe the relationship will survive unless you find a way to see more of eachother. Goodluck.

[russia]

whatever you want to do to mend bridges, do it now do it quick!

 

if you let him get so far out of love with you, he will easily fall for the next woman in line. then he won't come back. cos he's done it before, he can do it again.

 

for that same reason, dump him, cos he's an asshole. pity about the children (even the unborn one).

 

personally, i won't fall for the crap about saving money by rooming with women. incidentally, i bet he controls all the finances. you probably don't even know how much of what he earns goes where.

[Gilgamesh]

I dont think what he did was the correct thing, and maybe he didnt have anything with that girl, but he did lie, and his motives werent that pure.

 

what makes this different is that you are going to have a baby, but to tell you what I think, I believe this guy has a tendency to avoid responsabilities, he is still immature, it looks like he wanted a way out and he doesnt even take responsability for that either. making you believe like its your fault.

 

So dont go blamming yourself, you had every right to be upset, if this man really loved you, he wouldnt lie to you, would be knocking on your door to ask permission to explain everything, he would be anxious to see his child and be there for you. but thats not what he wants.

 

I suggest you talk to him, or get someone close to talk to him, or even a marriage counsel hopefully he will think of the consequences of his actions. right now he thinks he can do anything he wants and if he wants you back, all he has to do is show up at your door.

 

You are only responsable for half of the relationship, he is responsable for the other half, you did your part, you were honest, faithful, and loving, you cannot force him to do these thing to you, he is responsable for his actions not you.