How long do you wait to call the girl?

[confused25]

A question for the guys: When you get a girl's number, how long do you typically wait before calling the girl? I've heard of the 3 day rule, but obviously not everyone does it. What is the "cut off" for giving up the hope that the guy will never call you?

 

For the girls . . . I'd also like to hear what has happened to you guys in the past . . .

[shes2smart]

In the interest of not waiting on pins and needles hoping someone would call, I tended to give out my number when asked and simultaneously let go of any expectation I'd ever get a call.

 

Many times, there was no follow up call, but without an expectation of one, it wasn't a big deal. When there was a call, it was a pleasant surprise.

 

Yeah, I've heard of that "3 day rule" thing...along with various other guidelines for dealing with potential dates. I think they're a little phony and contrived. If you're interested, call, IMO.

[ResonanceTheory]

Yeah...I've noticed that guys tend to do the whole "call on the third day" thing. However, I find that's usually an indication that they are somewhat inexperienced (they have to fall back on the rule because they don't know or are too unconfident to do anything else), or that their interest is somewhat limited and casual. I've also had guys tell me that they just had such a fantastic time that they wanted to schedule a date for the day after our first meeting. So...I guess I see a duality there...guys who are straightforward with their interest, and guys who play the "game" ...either because they aren't that interested or because they don't know what else to do. Personally, I prefer the former.

[russ978]

So...I guess I see a duality there...guys who are straightforward with their interest, and guys who play the "game" ...either because they aren't that interested or because they don't know what else to do. Personally, I prefer the former.

 

I'm with ResonanceTheory on this one. The whole 'three day rule' is, in my opinion, a load of BS. If you get a number, there's no reason not to call it the next day and see what's up. Most mature women will respect the fact that you aren't playing games.

[Beec]

The whole idea of not calling immediately should be based on a guy's ability to exercise some restraint and not appear as if he might be an overly clingy person or lacking of independence. Think about the body langaueg of two people who are attracted. The man who rushes right over and makes it obvious has blown his chances. The woman may not know why, but she will find herself not attracted. Calling the next morning is a man being unable to keep himself from doing so. So wiating is not bad. How long? A three-day rule? If you have nothing else to go on, no understandings of the restraint needed to be shown, it's useful. Much like a woman never sleeping with him on a first date. Both are acts of not exercising restraint.

 

If he calls, he calls, shes2smart has the right atttitude for that. Show more of that unconcern, and he will call.

[Iceman26]

I'd call her the next day. If it is a week day you are calling I'd wait until after normal business hours (8-5) to call her.

[ghost69]

i call when i say. usually the next day if i really hit it off with her. don't want a chance another guy steals her from my possibility. i don't play the 3 day rule crap. i'm a man.

[sarge17]

Bingo! Its not so much to do with the time it's the logic behind it.

[ResonanceTheory]

The whole idea of not calling immediately should be based on a guy's ability to exercise some restraint and not appear as if he might be an overly clingy person or lacking of independence....Calling the next morning is a man being unable to keep himself from doing so.....Much like a woman never sleeping with him on a first date. Both are acts of not exercising restraint.

 

Enh, I don't agree. I think that the act of restraining oneself from calling a prospective date and appearing too readily available and the act of restraining oneself from having sex with someone who they don't know are two entirely different animals. One is done, in my opinion, as a game in order to gain leverage with a potential partner. The other is done because of morals and ethics. When was the last time that a guy goes, "I just can't call her. We're not close enough yet. It'd be too soon. I don't want her to think I'm easy." While some people can make a game out of keeping sex from their partners, most of the time it is done with pure motivations because of ones own expectations of themselves and their own behavior.

 

Also, what Beec described about the man approaching the woman and the woman becoming unattracted to him, I don't agree with either. It's true that it's a huge turn-off when a man that I'm unattracted to confronts me and simply won't back down, but if I am in fact attracted to that man, it would only put me off if he played it cool and waited a set period of time to return my calls. Having a busy life is one thing--I can be patient--but if a man is intentionally spacing out his interactions with me so as to achieve a desired effect--well, needless to say, it's not appreciated. I am honest, and I expect that a potential partner should be honest, too. If you like me, say so...if you want to call me, call me...none of this game playing mess. I'm simply not a fan of it.

[Beec]

If it's obvious that a man is doing such things, it may simply not work. And spacing out intereactions is never going to have a desired effect. However, it may avoid effects that would be undesired if he appeared clingy or needy.

 

And no matter what you say, a clingy man will soon be someone to which you are not attracted, unless both people are clingy. In that case, you burn out the relationship quickly or become co-dependents.

[shes2smart]

After our first date, my husband called me less than a half hour after he left my apartment.

 

Some might see that as clingy/creepy/needy. For me, it was the absolute right gesture...there was no doubt in my mind that he was interested with that.

 

But, hey, we all look for different things from a potential partner. Instead of making yourself crazy trying to figure out what any one specific person wants, I think we'd all be better served to figure out and then do what felt right to us. If the other person doesn't like the way you handle something that early on, I think you're likely to clash on other, more important issues, too.

[jul-els]

If I really like someone I will call the next day. If my interest is just passing or moderate, I will wait to call until the mood strikes me. Sometimes it never does.

 

When my gf and I got together, I called her and asked her to dinner the very next day. She was nervous and told me she had plans to go to a party w/friends but she would call me back.

 

She called me back about 5 min. later and accepted. We went out that night and had a wonderful time.

 

She texted me the next morning after our date, which at first I interpeted as clingy and I didn't respond. Then she called me later that afternoon and I picked up. We have been together ever since that day. We have now been living together for over a year and are planning to stay together for the rest of our days and nights.

 

I think when you're on the dating scene you get into these patterns of when to call or not based on your level of interest and the level of interest that you percieve from the other person. But when two people are really attracted and interested in one another, it dosen't really make a difference and a strong level of mutual attraction will tend to cause you to call each other early and often and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's a wonderful situation to be in.

[ResonanceTheory]

I think you're too quick to assume that a woman would interpret a man calling the day after they had a really great first meeting as clingy. If I hit it off with a guy, and we both felt the chemistry, then I would be very happy to hear from him as soon as possible. Just like S2S...knowing that the potential mate is thinking of you and wants to speak with you only encourages the growth of feelings. I'm not a 12 year old girl...when I see that someone is interested in me, I don't run from them like they have a bad case of the cooties. Yes, if a guy called me 10 times the day after I met him telling me how much he missed me--that would set off the red flags. But if a guy gives me a call the day after our initial meeting to tell me that he'd like to meet again, to set up a date, or just to chat, I would in no way see that as him being clingy or needy.

[amtjrtcet]

A question for the guys: When you get a girl's number, how long do you typically wait before calling the girl? I've heard of the 3 day rule, but obviously not everyone does it. What is the "cut off" for giving up the hope that the guy will never call you?

 

For the girls . . . I'd also like to hear what has happened to you guys in the past . . .

 

I met my boyfriend on a Tuesday night. We really hit it off and he got my number but didn't say when he'd call. He waited til 8 pm the next night to call, and we made plans for the next night to have dinner. If he'd of called really early that next day I might have thought he was a little too egar.

[Beec]

It's not an assumption as to what will happen. It is looking at the possible reactions she may have and trying to appproach at the time most likely to yield a positive result. What's wrong with that?

 

I think that possibility exists for a woman and man who have met, especially when he is unsure of how welcome his approach will be.

 

The more experience you have, the better you should be at interpretting such things. There's no rule in my book, but if you understnad why people say such things, then you can gauge what you should do. Applying the rule, if it is one, without understanding diminishes your chances of getting a good result.

[ResonanceTheory]

Nothing is wrong with approaching at the time that may yield the best result. I understand that principle if it's applied in a different way. Like I said, busy schedules are okay. If a woman has an intense work day, it's appropriate to wait until the evening, after her workday is over to call her. If you call her while she is in the middle of work, she may find it bothersome or react badly because of stress.

 

However, the "three day rule" does not fall into this category. The "three day rule" is a tactic used (by men and women, but more often, men) when you first meet a woman when you want to "play it cool". By keeping the other person waiting for your call, you maintain control of the situation. It gives you a leg up, keeps the other person wondering and, in general, gives whoever is using this tactic the advantage (or so one may be led to believe). Personally, I hate this game and all that are like it. It makes dating unenjoyable. I suppose I'm just the type of person who is up front about their feelings and intentions, and like for others to be, too.

[Beec]

I don't get why it gives anyone an advantage, especially if someone asks her out. Then she gets the advantage.

 

In my dating past, I waited and I called soon after meeting, I was never seeking an advantage by doing either. I hoped for a woman who said yes when i asked, not much else. But an advantage? Never thought of it.

[greenmonster]

To me...it greatly depends on the situation, time, day, and circumstances underwhich I was given the number...also it depends on what stage in life your in...

 

I've called girls within 15 minutes of getting their number...last year...I got a girls number at 2am when the bars were closing down and called her on the way home and said "I really wanna finish our conversation...lets go have breakfast"...she was totally down for it and ended up being really cool and we hung out till like 4am and dated for a while after that...

 

most girls numbers that I've gotten have been either at bars or through friends...and I go out and party quite a bit...so what I do is definitely different that what others do and so I cant say this applys to everyone...again...each situation is different. Just like each person is different and wants/expects different things when they give/get a number!!

 

read through this...its a similar thread to this one...lots of other good stuff on there as well.

 

 

 

my friends and I have normally I've followed a pretty weird system of when to call and how to handle things which has worked for us since we were 20...and it always worked for us...but now that we've gotten older it seems that unless we date college age girls we have to come up with a different game plan...so theres a little insight on my thoughts...

 

please understand also that while it may seem like its a "game" or "system" its really not...believe it or not...most guys, myself included, have NO idea what a girl wants...and so we make a lotta mistakes and through those mistakes we mold our actions.

 

good luck

[ResonanceTheory]

All right. Here is the situation (a common one). A man and a woman meet. The woman is clearly interested. In order to maintain her interest, appear "mysterious" or not too eager, or for whatever confounded reason the guy can think up, he waits til the third day after the woman gives him her number to call. Sometimes, this behavior continues even after the first, second, or third date. I don't know how old you are, Beec. I'm sure you're very polite, curteous, and game-free when you're dating/have dated a woman. However, many younger guys have convinced themselves that they are pimps and players and engage in these practices in order to string women along, and keep them waiting around. I always thought that the object of dating was to sort through potential mates, having fun along the way, until you find someone that you "connect" with. For others, though, it's just a matter of stringing along as many women as you can. Many other guys who don't have these intentions also end up doing the same thing...not because they want to, but because they ask the more experienced guys their age for advice and this is the kind that they give. Anyways...I think this is a problem mostly with the younger generation (I'm more aware of it because I am young myself).

[Beec]

It soudns to me like those men probably date a few women at once, and I see no issues with that, but I also think if you are going to be decent about it, you adopt a few rules for yourself. One of which is that as soon as you really know she will never be it for you, end it. And I think there is a maximum as to how many women I could date in any cycle, probably 4, but that is stretching things. Rule 2 would be no sex; no pushing for sex either. And that means little progress past a kiss toward sex. If you find yourselves in bed without some of your clothes, you jsut picked her to be around for a while.

 

But my biggest question for you, ResonanceTheory, is why would you be waiting around for any of these guys? If he is not taking up all of your "dating time," why wait for him?

[greenmonster]

if he just got the number and is waiting a couple days then I don't think he is trying to be a "pimp" or anything...just standard practice really...its stupid, yes, but so is the way that a girl plays hard to get when all she wants to do is jump on a guy...guys and girls both have our "procedures" that we follow

 

ResonanceTheory your exactly right though when it comes to after you've made that first call then there shouldn't be a reason to string people along...all my stuff about waiting is all based around the first contact/first call/first date...and from there you should know if its a go or no go situation.

[confused25]

I've given my number to a guy before and he never called me . . . why would you ask a girl for her number if you don't call her? I don't understand that . . .

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

she called me........bout 1 day after......i called her bout 3 days after

[greenmonster]

I've given my number to a guy before and he never called me . . . why would you ask a girl for her number if you don't call her? I don't understand that . . .

 

 

honestly theres a lotta reasons...heres a short list:

 

scared

don't know what to say/ask

got back with the ex

sobered up

forgot who you were

lost it

figure you really wern't that interested and didnt want to handle the awkwardness

found someone else

lazy and or stupid

changed opinion about dating right now

found out something about you that bothered him

found out who your friends were & didn't want to deal with it

had something come up in life more important than some girls number

change of heart

lived in a different town and was just there for that night

having a compettion with friends to see who can get the most numbers

 

 

some sound rude...yes... but everyone of these and a lot more are all reasons why I've gotten a girls number and not called her...