I think my boyfriend is seeing someone else...

[HotCoko]

Ok can someone help me because I'm really getting tired and frustrated of this situation. Ok I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months and things started out great. But now it seems like he's lost interest in me all of a sudden. Everytime I call him, keep in mind this is his "cell phone"".. 8 times out of 10 it'll go to voicemail. I'm pretty sure he's avoiding me for some reason. I asked him about it and he says he's very busy because he is a music artist and a lot of his time is devoted to writing and producing music for other artists and then he has a side job at Best Buy. I can see where that makes him busy but something seems suspicious. I mean he can at least answer and say, well baby I'll call you back later I'm busy.

 

He's always calling me on "his" time and just recently I've done the same trick with him and I stopped answering my cell phone. He wants to get mad with me but I don't know, maybe I'm looking into things. Sometimes he catches attitudes with me when I call him. He'll answer with a what do you want type response and sometimes he's whispering, which makes me believe he's seeing someone else. We get into a big argument, one of us hang up. He mostly calls back apologizing and he tells me how much he loves me but I don't know anymore. One time I called him and I can hear a female in the background saying who is that? He quickly got me off the phone with a I'll call you back response.

 

Now I feel our relationship is based on a mere FWB type relationship. The only time he wants to hang out is to have sex. I mean it's ok sometimes but everytime is a no no and I've refrained from that because I feel like I was being used. That maybe a reason why he's gotten distant, I don't know. I mean it would be nice to go to the movies or do something besides just laying up at one another's place.

 

I'm almost ready to throw in the towel because it seems to me he's seeing someone else, and obviously he doesn't care about this relationship as much either. I've told him about how I've felt and he says the don't go speech I love you and blah blah blah, he says these things but his actions prove otherwise.

[JadedStar]

He mostly calls back apologizing and he tells me how much he loves me but I don't know anymore.

 

He tells you how much he loves you and you've only been dating two months?

 

I think that perhaps you both are looking to take this too seriously too soon.

 

It's only been two months and if you are this frustrated think of what a year down the road will feel like. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period where everything is wonderful and exciting. If it feels like this after only two months I'd say go ahead and move on. He might feel it is not working out and is too cowardly to voice it to you.

[Entomon]

I don't know what else to say except RUN while you're still ahead!

 

[CharLit]

Hi Coko,

 

He may or may not be seeing someone else, but regardless of that, he's not making time for you except when he wants to have sex.

 

At two months you're supposed to be at the crazy-in-love stage, and however busy you are you will manage to make time for the one you're mad about. If he's not making that effort it doesn't sound like he is at all serious about pursuing this relationship.

 

I agree the rest is suspicious, and I very much agree with JS that it's a bad sign if you're this unhappy this early on.

 

Time to cut your losses perhaps?

 

take care,

 

C

[PeanutButter]

Do you call too much? How many times a day or in an hour do you call?

 

One time I called him and I can hear a female in the background saying who is that? He quickly got me off the phone with a I'll call you back response.

Thats a red flag. Yes it could always be a relative or a friend, but whos that? I don't know its hard to say. Whispering is a big sign hes with someone else and doesn't want to be too loud about it. Unless hes in class.

 

Wow interesting, you know if you guys spend more time just having sex and not doing anything else at all. Such its sex then he picks up and leaves or what not, thats FWB. If hes saying he loves you, guys can say lies to get girls into bed with them.

 

Maybe your just someone he wants on the side, so he may not be good for you. You should really have a face to face talk with him and ask him if you guys are bf/gf sort of thing or FWB. You need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you are feeling because I been cheated on and I know from what I'm hearing mostly here, I been on the other side tho this guy I dated pick up the phone and whisper saying ill call you back or something to some girl on the phone. So doesn't look good.

[segagirl]

lose him, and quick

[PeanutButter]

lose him, and quick

 

agreed with above^^

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

Well, I guess the biggest thing I got from your post was, he thinks this is more of a FWB situation.

 

Has he agreed to a commitment with you? Does he think that he is your exclusive boyfriend?

 

If not, than there really isn't much you can do if he is seeing someone else because he never agreed to be exclusive. But if he has, in fact, commited himself to you, it's a red flag that he only calls round when he feels like it and wants to have sex.

 

That to me doesn't sound like a healthy, respectful relationship, and whether he is seeing someone else or not (and it may well be that he is since his behavior does seem suspicious), is this the type of relationship you want to be in?

 

After only two months, I'd have to agree with everyone else's advice and advise you to throw in the towel. No one needs that sort of drama, especially after only just 2 months.

 

Best of luck with what you decide.

[HotCoko]

We're exclusive but I guess I'm somewhat to blame for that since I sorta pushed him into a relationship.This is what kills me, when I first met him, I really wasn't interested in him. He was the one constantly calling and pursuing me. Now I find myself looking like the desperate one and looking paranoid. It's to the point where I worry about him & I actually have knots in my stomach thinking he's with someone else when he doesn't answer his phone. It's the same tired story and I think I'm throwing in the towel because I agree with you guys I deserve better.

 

What really killed me was that a week ago, I asked him if we could find time last Friday to be together to see a movie. He agreed with this a week in advance. Instead of not telling me he couldn't do it, I call him last Friday and surprise surprise he wasn't available. I tried calling him all Friday and nothing but the stupid cell phone operator. That really hurt me so bad that it literally put me to tears that someone could stand somebody up like that! He calls later talking about he was busy in the studio, so I said oh you couldn't call me all day right to tell me that? Basically I had a funky attitude with him and I basically hung up in his face. I've been ignoring his phone calls ever since. I've been thinking with this for a week but I deserve better and I'm so tired of running into BOYS! I want someone who is caring and affectionate.. This sucks.. I sent a text saying that it was over and that was over 10 minutes ago.. He doesn't even reply so oh well

[Hope75]

Hot Coko,

 

I'm just curious, have you been in relationships before him?

 

How did you behave in those relationships?

 

I agree with you that he is not holding up his end of the relationship and after just 2 months it's not worth all this hassle and feeling sick to your stomach for worry over him.

 

But I also wonder if you felt this insecure in relationships before him, and if it's been a pattern that you might want to explore and try and work out before you get involved in another relationship.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like you did push him into something he may not have wanted as much as you did, but because he accepted, he should either stand up to it or end the relationship if he wants to see other people.

 

What do you think you will do now?

[HotCoko]

Hot Coko,

 

I'm just curious, have you been in relationships before him?

 

How did you behave in those relationships?

 

I agree with you that he is not holding up his end of the relationship and after just 2 months it's not worth all this hassle and feeling sick to your stomach for worry over him.

 

But I also wonder if you felt this insecure in relationships before him, and if it's been a pattern that you might want to explore and try and work out before you get involved in another relationship.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like you did push him into something he may not have wanted as much as you did, but because he accepted, he should either stand up to it or end the relationship if he wants to see other people.

 

What do you think you will do now?

 

 

I've been in relationships before but most of them ended badly. I was mostly the one cheated on or it was always the guy that got tired of me and wanted to break things up, so I have to ask myself am I the problem? I have some issues to work on like my negative views of men in general. I'm just really thinking about giving up altogether because it just seems like all men are trash. I shouldn't feel like that, but I'm just going through my experiences, even with the men in my family.

 

Before this guy came along, I really wasn't looking for anything. I was fine and content being single yet his charm and everything came into play and he'd call me all of the time and I fell for all of that. The staying up late on the phone everything.. So now I'm hurt and angry because obviously this guy was just messing with my head. He doesn't even have the decency to text or talk about it. What also hurts is that I allowed someone to come into my space again and yet here I am again messed up. I'll be alright, sometimes I just get tired of being this nice person and getting used and stepped over.. it really just makes me want to get even with the world in a sense.

[Hope75]

Yeah,

 

I can understand why you'd feel jaded after having some bad relationships and some poor examples of good men in your family. I had a string of bad relationships too, one where I was physically abused and cheated on, another where I was lied to and betrayed... a third where I was cheated on. It's easy to lose faith when that happens.

 

But please know that there are good men out there. I am 31 and now engaged to a wonderful man who I've been with for almost 5 years, who treats me very well and who I adore. It did take me a long time to get here though.

 

I would definitely recommend some counseling to help erase and change those patterns that allow you to get involved with the wrong type of guy, and to build up your self esteem and help you to see that you are worthy of a happy, honest, loving, respectful and healthy relationship. When you expect more for yourself, you will allow less nonsense and these sort of men will not get away with treating you like this.

 

It's OK to take a hiatus from dating while you do this. But I hope you won't give up on love altogether. I've had many bad experiences, but if I didn't open up my heart and mind to a good love one more time, I would have never met my fiance.

 

Good luck.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it really sounds like he is juggling several women, and most likely lying to all of them... so it is best that you are not involved with him, because that makes him a liar and a cheater...

 

there are lots of guys like this out there, but there are also lots of good guys too... the trick is not to get too serious too soon, so that you know his character a bit better before jumping into a relationship. most guys who are juggling more than one woman or just after sex won't waste too much time spending one on one time with you doing things out of bed.

 

but you should be proud of yourself for sussing this guy out after only a couple months, and recognizing that his stories are not adding up. someone who really wants a committed relationship with you will treat you with more respect than this guy, and not blow you off or go incognito and avoid you or your calls... that pretty much says he's got a whole other life that he doesn't intend to let you into, most likely one or more other women.

[Kalika]

Honestly hun it doesn't matter if he's with other women because he's obviously not really into you regardless. Guys who like you call, make plans, follow up, etc. He's pretty inconsiderate and it just shows where his priorities are.

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt but I hope you can figure it out and move on, and find someone better than you have found so far.