She has contacted me.

[andy5128]

Hi CP

 

How's it going, whats the latest?!?

 

Andy

[CP4Life]

Hi CP

 

How's it going, whats the latest?!?

 

Andy

 

Actually, I feel a lot better. Her grandma called me today(Since it is her Birthday today and I left a voice mail saying Happy Birthday) and she said thank you and how are you doing? Ever since she asked that, we got in the dicussion of me and her grand daughter(my ex).

 

We talked a little over an hour, it made me see many things that made me feel great after the talk. Theres something I don't tell anyone or you guys why she is acting this way(its a big reason), her father passed away which caused her some confusion about feelings. She doesn't want to get hurt and she doesn't want to hurt others, she is confused and doesn't know what to do or want(she is young and probably why). Its hard for her, she can't really express her feelings after the break up because she doesn't want to hurt anyone or get herself hurt since her father passed away. Its hard to say what I'm trying to say but some of this confusion and feelings came from her father, she loved him so much and now hes gone. She misses him so much which is one reason for our little situation.

 

Her grandma was saying she is curious about my relationship with others and is a jealous type of girl. My ex knows I'm not going to be with nobody some time soon so is why she is taking her time then knowing she has a chance of losing me. While she is confused, she doesn't want to see sadness and depression. When she sees me happy and myself, thats where she is attractive to me. Her grandma really wants to help because my ex the closest out of all family with her grandma. Her grandma wants to really know whats happening and how she is feeling because she does want us back together one day.

 

Well it was a long conversation and very good. Telling me a lot of good things, I have a better understanding about this now and know what to do to make myself happy and strong as well as making her happy and wondering about me and the relationship. No matter what happens, things should go pretty good for the future for the both us. Her grandma was telling her to remember her dad when she is with me(we both are a giving kind of person that would sacrifice anything to make a close one happy).

 

Well we had a great talk and I learn some good things from it. Now, just show her I'm happy, strong, myself, and how attractive I can be again. Also showing she could lose me which inside of her, she doesn't really want that. She is just a little confused right now because of age and maybe father. She is very different then most girls, really different.

 

Well thanks for the support and if you have anything to tell me, please do because I'm feeling much better right now. I have this situation better in my eyes then before if I do what I need to do.

[andy5128]

That's great. Keep doing what you are doing..

 

Take care and keep us posted..

 

Andy

[CP4Life]

That's great. Keep doing what you are doing..

 

Take care and keep us posted..

 

Andy

 

Alright thanks and I will. Thank you all for everything! Without you, I would still be lost and maybe make my situation worse.

 

I might hang out with her tomorrow but if not, I'm going to the family party for sure and the grandma told me to be happy and myself! She'll judge it herself and see if I'm still attractive to my ex which I think I am but being sad, it won't attract nothing.

 

Thank you and I'll tell you all what happens!

[CP4Life]

She called me but I didn't answer. I called about 30 mins later and we talked for about an hour.

 

It was a good talk, we started to talk about movies a lot at first but nothing about the relationship. She knows I'm doing great now and being happy. She likes that.

 

She texted my friend and guess what? He started talking about the relationship. The only thing I know is she doesn't want a b/f for awhile but she told him she still loves me. She says if we go back out, its not anytime soon because she doesn't want a b/f. So I'll be patience but going on with my life being happy and myself as time goes by which will tell me.

 

I'm doing a lot better though, I told her...even if we aren't going out, I want you to be happy and make the right choices. She sounded a little teary at one point but she said she wasn't. Well things look pretty good and this family party coming up should help a lot. And when he grandma talks to her because she tells her grandma everything.

 

We also might hang out tomorrow if she isn't busy. But she is calling me now, she called me twice today. She hasn't called me in awhile and especially hasn't called me twice in one day for some time.

 

I don't understand...she still loves me, she doesn't want a b/f and if we go out, its not anytime soon but shes been calling me now and wants to hang out sometimes. I guess shes confuse and just wants to be friends. She wants her freedom and fun right now, she doesn't know what she truly wants yet so as time goes by, she'll find out probably.

 

Well I think things are going good for us, better then before.

[blender]

She doesn't seem "confused" she seems very clear that she is not ready for a committed relationship right now, and would like to be friends with you.

 

Try to remember sometimes people who love us don't want to say things that could hurt us, so they put it in a "round about way".. so instead of reading between the lines and conclude to describe her as "confused".. choose to start taking her actual choices and her clear words as to the fact that she's not confused, but in fact she's been very clear and honest with you.. she's not ready for a committed exclusive relationship but would like to be friends for now.

 

I think you might discover that for right now you may be a bit "confused" between what YOU "hope for and feel" in contrast to what "actually is going on for today".. that's a normal reaction, just try to be aware of it.. so hang in there, and take care of your heart.. in time it may all work out, but try to be honest with YOURSELF as much as you can..

[CP4Life]

Alright thanks, I do think she is still a little confused and doesn't know what she is feeling. But I know she has made a statement that she doesn't want a b/f right now and I respect that. I won't force nothing or make you do something she doesn't want to do.

 

Her grandma was saying its ok to want her and miss her, but just make yourself stronger and make sure everyday is just a little better then before and so far its been working. Wednesday was a lot better then Tuesday and Monday. I been feeling more happy, especially yesturday talking to her grandma.

 

Strong, happy, myself, and attractive towards her. For myself, doing those things will help me become more happy with myself, I'm sure of it. Doing things I like to do will help and keeping myself busy and not contacting her because shes been contacting me.

 

As time goes by, as I get stronger and realize more...she'll have time go by and thinking and figuring out what she wants which will tell both of us whats going to happen. If I want anything good to happen for myself, her, or both of us...I have to let time do its job right now. Its the only way.

 

Thank you guys! And I'll keep you updated if we have another chat or hang out. I will definantly tell you what happens at the birthday party. Her grandma is going to judge my actions as well to see if I was happy, myself, having a good time looking attractive for her. Having a good time with the family regardless of me and my ex dating will make me feel better inside.

[blender]

good for you.. by strengthening your own sense of self, and your own independence, and also widening your own social world will all be very empowering, attractive and healing..

 

so if and when she IS ready for a relationship she can see you as the confident wonderful independent great guy you have been, and the one you are becoming.. so again remember that taking care of yourself and getting busy with your own life, is the most attractive thing to do.. and it's also the most empowering and healing as well.

[CP4Life]

good for you.. by strengthening your own sense of self, and your own independence, and also widening your own social world will all be very empowering, attractive and healing..

 

so if and when she IS ready for a relationship she can see you as the confident wonderful independent great guy you have been, and the one you are becoming.. so again remember that taking care of yourself and getting busy with your own life, is the most attractive thing to do.. and it's also the most empowering and healing as well.

 

I wish I knew that when we first broke up! If I knew that, we would be back together again but I didn't know that!

 

I had no knowledge or experience. It was my first pain so the things I did that I thought that would get her back, it was all the wrong things! I wish I knew that back then but now I do and she'll see the change. She'll see the guy she was attractive to and loved, how happy I was and outgoing which got us going. So I'm going to be happy no matter what happens! It is the best attraction, I realize no one wants to deal with a depressed person or anything like that...she wants a great happy, wonderful guy like myself! I can be my old self again! I know I can, I think I have a way better chance now for myself getting stronger and for her coming back.

 

Thank you, everything will go good...just hope she makes good decisions in her life and doesn't regret a thing.

 

Alright, anything else? I'll keep you guys updated if anything happens. You guys are the best! This is going to help my future for sure...

[Benjyh]

1 word of advice, just a little thing...dont be who shes wants you to be, be who you want to be

 

also dont look back, just keep looking to the future, and u will continue to grow, and get stronger.

 

but seems like things are on track and i wish u all the best, and luck in thw world

[CP4Life]

1 word of advice, just a little thing...dont be who shes wants you to be, be who you want to be

 

also dont look back, just keep looking to the future, and u will continue to grow, and get stronger.

 

but seems like things are on track and i wish u all the best, and luck in thw world

 

Thank you! The person who she loves...is the person who I am and I have lost that person since the break up but I can see I'm gaining myself back little by little each day.

 

As much as I like getting stronger and growing for the better...I still hope with plenty of faith and trust, I believe I'll be part of her life again...at least one more time.

 

Thank you.

[CP4Life]

I'm not sure if this a good thing or not but I'll share it to keep you guys updated.

 

We just got done calling. The thing I'm asking is this, like she still cares or something...I'm not sure.

 

"I don't want to tell you, your going to get mad. You'll get mad, I don't want to say it." I was telling her I won't get mad at all, theres nothing I can get mad at. I was thinking in my mind it was drinking(she is a small girl and drinking a whole lot could do some damage to her so I always told her to ask me before she drinks or have someone near her to drink because I never wanted something bad to happen).

 

Well she told me, I was drinking. I said how much, she said kind of a lot and she got drunk. I didn't get mad but I was a little worried about her. She was at her family's house celebrating a b-day party so thats why I was ok with it, she had family. She didn't do anything sexual either which would of got me a little mad or upset but nothing like that happen since it was her family.

 

But I'm saying this is why would she still think I would get mad at her for drinking when we are split up at the moment. She still wants me to love her or something? I'm not sure or it means nothing, she just didn't want me to get mad at her...

[blender]

Again, most of that conversation was about HER.. alleviating her own bad feelings about drinking, and it didn't really matter whether you "got mad or not" it's not your job to be giving her the value guidelines on how she should live her life..

 

if you are "concerned" for her well being, that is one thing, so you can say, "I'm concerned but your a big girl and have to make your own choices."

 

Stick with the facts.. The fact is she has to make choices on her own, and be responsible for herself, whether you approve of her choices or not.

 

As far as her "not wanting you to get mad at her".. okay, so? She's was just confessing something that was bothering HER... and she wanted to feel better about HERSELF.... and you are wanting her to feel better about YOU... so this is just one of those emotionally touchy times where it's kind of immature but normal.. it's like letting go of something in slow way, so you can both establish your own indepedence..

 

and that is the ONLY way to have a healthy relationship..is to establish your own individual self, one who makes your own choices based on self respecting behaviors, and NOT about seeking approval or dispensation from the other..

 

Old habits are tough to break, especially emotional ones.. and for right now you both have an "emotional habit" about each other... but try not to confuse that with a "healthy love"... that is different.

[CP4Life]

Alright thanks but in the future we can dicuss anything there is right? I did tell her its ok but I just don't want you to drink a lot because your a small girl and I didn't want nothing bad to happen to you.

 

I'm not sure if you guys know this but she told my friend the other day she still loves me. I think its true because when we talked about it, I said your still in love with me aren't you? You really loved me and cared about me a lot, those feelings can't just go away that fast. She said "I'm confused, I'm not sure what I'm feeling." Well honestly, it seems like she still does but its ok because as time goes by, it will tell us both.

 

Tomorrow is the family Birthday Party and I think they want me over at there house afterwards so not sure what we'll do but probably watch a movie or tv. I'm thinking her emotions is going to hit her during the ride home or watching tv together. But we'll see and things will go good because my behavior is going to be like if we were dating...happy, fun, strong, and myself.

[blender]

If you are invited to the party, then go, but be careful of having any your own expectations as to how she will behave or feel.. any kind of our own "expectations" can either lead to "disappointments' or can lead to you reading too much into something so it matches your expectation.

 

Be aware of what you are hoping for, and the difference between that and what might be actually happening.. take it slow.

 

Go into with a wish that you are honest with yourself, and respectful of her needing space.. especially with her own family and that the birthday party is not about 'you and her" but instead to honestly celebrate the family member's birthday.

 

Have a great time, be your honest self...

[CP4Life]

If you are invited to the party, then go, but be careful of having any your own expectations as to how she will behave or feel.. any kind of our own "expectations" can either lead to "disappointments' or can lead to you reading too much into something so it matches your expectation.

 

Be aware of what you are hoping for, and the difference between that and what might be actually happening.. take it slow.

 

Go into with a wish that you are honest with yourself, and respectful of her needing space.. especially with her own family and that the birthday party is not about 'you and her" but instead to honestly celebrate the family member's birthday.

 

Have a great time, be your honest self...

 

Yeah, I will do that. It won't about us at all...just celebrating her birthday and her grandmas. I already told myself to be happy, strong, attractive, and myself. I plan on doing that.

 

I also might think this might happen but I don't plan on anything happening. I'm just going to have a good time no matter what happens. I won't say nothing about the relationship or anything, just act like if were dating.

 

Well thank you and she has been calling me quite often now. I kind of like it but she wants to talk to me more or something. Not really sure why but shes been calling me because I don't call her at all, maybe she wonders why I don't call so she calls me because she might miss me or something but its been better then before.

[CP4Life]

I got back from the B-Day party. 3:10 to 8:50. Good hours spending it with her and her family.

 

Wow...it was a good time and as I saw the family do their thing and how much fun they were having together, it just made me realize even more I don't want to lose this. This is another family I can spend time with and have fun. There family is funny, outgoing, and fun!

 

I don't want to lose her of course...that would be losing a love and bestfriend. But I seriously don't want to lose this great family either, her grandparents are awesome! At the moment, her grandma wants to talk to her about her feelings and whats going with us and everything because she loves me and my ex's grandma is her closest family member which she will tell her anything. I'm not saying her grandma is going to fix everything but she'll find out some things I wouldn't no...even if its bad or good.

 

Well I had a good time and smiling and she loved my gifts. I got a couple hugs from her and a kiss from her but on my cheek. Nothing special or anything but a good time. After I left, I kinda wish I made it a little more fun between her and me like when I walked out she put her watery hands on my neck whiping it off so I was thinking maybe I should of got some water and putted it on her to...a lil flirt but oh well, I'm sure that won't change anything that much.

 

So for the most part it went great and something she can remember of me that was good. Well...I don't call her or anything, shes been calling me lately so I'm going to keep it that way. She might come over on Monday but we'll see.

[blender]

Well good for you, it's nice to hear it all went well, just allow her all the space she needs, and also take this time to widen your own world.. and get busy with your own life.... you're doing great!

[CP4Life]

Well good for you, it's nice to hear it all went well, just allow her all the space she needs, and also take this time to widen your own world.. and get busy with your own life.... you're doing great!

 

Yeah but now I think its done so I guess I'm moving on now. She is telling my friend she thinks she is over me but of course wants to be friends but I think I'll take the road of not being friends with her. I still believe, faith, and hope and all but what she is saying is not great. I still want to see what she tells her grandma and how we met but yeah, this sucks so bad! I hope she is lieing to him or something! wow but she'll realize one day and maybe not being her friend will make her realize or something...iono but this sucks! I did nothing! eerr =(

[CP4Life]

If your ex is telling your good friend something you don't want to hear but she is saying it. Would you believe it? Move on? I'm not sure what to do...I think its over now, its her lose not mine. She will regret it one day and realize she made a mistake.

 

She is just really young and wants to have all this "fun" and doing things she never really used to do that much. She is becoming something I kind of hate now...this does suck but hopefully I'll do better and not sure if we will go back out. If we do, its her coming to me...not me coming to her because she is losing a great person.

[andy5128]

Listen Mate

 

It was always kinda over, she dumped you right??

 

You have been in denial, there is no harm in holding on to a point but you have to move forward in life with or without her. I would personally just let it go, if she decides to come back you will know for sure. At the moment you are holding onto scraps... It may work out it may not, who knows at this time. So move forward and let her come to you if thats what she decides..

 

Just my thoughts..

 

Andy

[CP4Life]

Listen Mate

 

It was always kinda over, she dumped you right??

 

You have been in denial, there is no harm in holding on to a point but you have to move forward in life with or without her. I would personally just let it go, if she decides to come back you will know for sure. At the moment you are holding onto scraps... It may work out it may not, who knows at this time. So move forward and let her come to you if thats what she decides..

 

Just my thoughts..

 

Andy

 

Yeah, it sucks but now I know I have to move on. It her choice to come back to me or not but its her lose, not mine. I was a great person and b/f so I'm glad to be one for the others out there that put the same effort in as I do.

[Clabs]

Hey CP!

 

It does suck, but I am glad you agree with Andy - his advice is spot on.

 

Acceptance is important. Accept that no matter what you do (and you have pretty much tried everything!) there is nothing on this earth that you can do to make her come back.

 

Don't contact her any more for any reason. Take the time out to carry on working on getting your head back on straight.

 

Nobody knows what's on the docket for us in the future, but improve yourself physically and mentally so you are better prepared for whatever comes your way.

 

Take care fella.

 

Mark

[CP4Life]

Hey CP!

 

It does suck, but I am glad you agree with Andy - his advice is spot on.

 

Acceptance is important. Accept that no matter what you do (and you have pretty much tried everything!) there is nothing on this earth that you can do to make her come back.

 

Don't contact her any more for any reason. Take the time out to carry on working on getting your head back on straight.

 

Nobody knows what's on the docket for us in the future, but improve yourself physically and mentally so you are better prepared for whatever comes your way.

 

Take care fella.

 

Mark

 

Yeah, thank you. She also kinda ruined a friendship she wanted with me so hopefully she'll think about that to when she is losing me.

 

I hope all this stuff gets better from whatever might happen...with her or not, hope it gets better sooner then later. Its hurting a little more then before last night.

 

But its hard having her in my head but having things she said she would do just hurts me but said she didn't want to because of comfort and image.

[CP4Life]

Heres a little summary of what she said to me on her birthday.

 

There was a night where she got drunk and said somethings I wish I never heard...got me sad and mad, so I busted her out on what she said that she thinks I didn't hear.

 

"I'm sorry, I wasn't myself...I didn't know what I was doing and I was being stupid. I would NEVER do it again, I promise myself I won't. I felt bad and I didn't even know I called you that, I'M SORRY!! You know I love you and I'll always care for you. I don't want nothing bad to happen to you. I loved how you did things for me and how you told me the right things to do. I love what you did for me sexually! I will never do what I said I would do, I was drunk and stupid! I wasn't being myself and I realize the next day it was stupid because I felt so horrible. I'm sorry!"

 

She got a little upset when I said, "ok I care about you a lil." she said, "a LIL? thats nothing!" Then I said, "Ok honestly, I care about you alot and always will."

 

She said that after she found out I knew, as she was saying sorry...she told me this.

 

"I'm sorry, I hope you have a better life then mine which you will. I hope you find someone that treats you great and love you with all her heart."

 

I was like, thats you! You treated me the best and loved me with all you heart!

 

She said this when I was saying I lost something important to me for nothing I did. For some reason, I think she still loves me and has feelings for me. I am her first everything including first love so I wouldn't be surprise if she is.

 

"I'm sorry. I just don't wanna be in a relationship at the moment and I was scared to be in love with you so I had to get out of it but I do love you. I just wanna try new things first."

 

So this is saying what?? I wanna try these things first before I get into a serious relationship so I love you and wait if you want to?

 

I also told her I would like to please her anyway for her birthday and she said sounds good. I'm kind of confuse now, she still loves me and cares about me? But doesn't want to be with me?? She wants to try other things first before shes with me I guess? Good or bad?